You Come First.

Good rising. Have you ever gone to sleep on the wrong side of the bed, and then woke up feeling somewhat of those same feelings as you arose? Most people pray to shake it off. Some people meditate to bring themselves back to center. Some people just shower and allow that negative energy to wash away. But sometimes, that isn’t enough. As I was pulling my cards this morning, my Oracle card was related to the Sacral Chakra, which let me know my creativity was out of wack. Hence, here I am this morning before work curating something because my energy knows that it needs it in order for me to feel like I can be able to function throughout this work day.

When you’re feeling down, how do you build yourself back up? Some people work out. (I haven’t been to the gym since I left for Survivor because I haven’t found the amount of time to balance in order to make sure that I go to the gym and still have time for other stuff). I’ve been feeling extremely out of wack and some days ‘not myself’ because I’m not giving to myself the way that I feel like I should. I write this to talk about putting yourself first, no matter what.

This past weekend, I think I mentioned that I holed myself into my house and just binge watched Law & Order: SVU from the time I got in Friday until pretty much Sunday until I had to come back to work. I didn’t go out. I didn’t really want to spend time with people. As someone who is asocial and an introvert, I need my time to recharge when it comes to dealing with people on a regular basis. I felt guilty at first for it, but why should I? That’s how I get my bread and butter – charging myself up the way I know how to. With all of the new changes in my life, I’ve realized that I have not been doing as great a job at making sure I put myself first. This also bleeds over into my real life and just what I have to do to sustain a paycheck. Some people can look at their jobs and say, “Oh yeah, I love my job! I love getting up and going everyday, even on my bad days.” Others say, “Yeah, it’s a check and it keeps a roof over my head and that’s why I keep going.” And then there are others that are still struggling to find that balance in between.

*raises hand slowly*

I’m in this space right now of doing something and working in and with the demographic that I know pretty well, but not feeling fulfilled. I’ve also added a bit more onto my plate this year outside of the regular work schedule that I have and don’t feel connected to it always. It just feels like something more to do, and I have not been treating myself with the utmost care. I know how I am, and I’m sure you know how you can get also: agitated and feeling like “Spirit, what is my sole purpose and when will it be revealed?” I always know and revert back to the idea of patience and knowing that it will come when it’s meant to come. Additionally, I know that it takes you taking leaps of faith in order to make sure that those things happen. I, for one, am a scary bitch, and I can own that. I think of everything that could potentially go wrong, or just other people’s feelings before I think of my own. That’s my own personal “downfall” if you want to call it that. I’m always considering others and what they think is best for me before myself.

This morning, I had to do an aura cleanse. Let me explain what this is to you.

Take your hands and put them face up as if they were pointed towards God/your Higher Power/Spirit, and allow the energy of the Universe to feel like it’s pulsating through your hands. Then, take your hands and allow them to move and sway through every nook and cranny of your body and your soul. I ended this with a heavy sigh and stated the phrase “My energetic field is positively clear and full of light! As a lightworker, this work can be hard at times. But at the end of the day, all we have is ourselves to be able to fall back on. There are people that we interact with that try and dim our light or take away from it. That’s just part of the game of life, and we have to choose whether or not we allow these people to take away from us. I have not perfected letting people, situations, and the fact that I’m not where I ideally want to be annoy me, or get under my skin, but I’m truly a work in progress. I’m still figuring out what that looks like in its entirety, and that’s okay. Nothing is made to be perfect in any way, but the fact that you are allowing yourself to open up to something more is what is most important in the long run. You know what’s best for you in regards to your Soul feeling like its dancing with the angels. You know what the answers are in regards to fulfilling whatever the Universe and your Higher Power has prophesied for you. I know that right now, my sacral chakra is unbalanced because I’m not creating in the way I want to completely. I know that I have to make sure I’m giving to that the way that I need to, and no one else can legitimately tell you what that looks like for your own salvation.

It is always wise to hear other people out, because you deserve to be heard also. I implore you to make sure that you’re listening with your spiritual ears and looking with your spiritual eyes (even feeling it out with your intuition and your gut) to move through today knowing that there is something out there that’s more for you if you truly believe it.

Here’s the key: YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT SHIT IN ORDER FOR IT TO COME TO PASS.

I’m going into today with the intention of knowing that everything is working out for a higher purpose. Yes, I may not feel like my best self today. I’m okay to feel that way. In my line of work, people say that you gotta learn how to fix your face, turn off your emotions, check-in with yourself…all this is important, but it is for naught if you’re not being given the opportunity to release healthily. I wish that organizations gave more opportunity to release in positive healthy ways that allowed people to share their truth.

I know that where I am isn’t the end of the road for me. It all takes work. I’m willing to put in the work towards something that I find passion in. And I’m steadily and increasingly looking for said passion to keep me fighting. It will come in due time – I know it will. My tarot pull today was the Earth inverted (I would add the picture, but I just don’t feel like it today – y’all will deal. :)) The Earth is respected and valued as a whole. Are you doing that for yourself?

The inversion means that doors are closed and that there are roads full of difficulties and obstacles. There are hesitations and delays that YOU cause. This struck me because my Spirit knows what it needs, and yours does too. Don’t doubt yourself. Don’t doubt what your intuition and your body is telling you. There is so much that the Universe is giving to you today, and you have to be willing to receive it. You’re never in the wrong place (except for those unlucky souls that have been victims of violence and death) and you must remember that while you have breath in your body, you have to fight for what is inherently yours. Take inventory of what motivates you and what doesn’t, and get yourself in order accordingly. You are the most important person in your life. That isn’t selfishness. That’s you choosing to put your needs and desires first, and as a society, we have not been conditioned to do that in a healthy manner.

This is my call to you to advocate for what actually brings you peace. I’m in search of sunrise daily, and that looks different for every person. Find the sunrise in your life today, and trudge through. In light of this most recent Full Moon, know that you will gain a burst of confidence towards what is inherently for you. Know that all of the struggle you have been through will come with some sort of gain on your own terms. It’s all about trusting that it’s going to work out in the end. That’s the mentality that I’m holding onto with every fiber of my being. This isn’t the end of the road, and there is so much more out there for you all as long as you’re being practical about it. Be guilt-free in being yourself today, and don’t let anyone tell you differently. You’ll start to feel like you’re getting back to your whole self, and at the end of the day, that’s what matters.

I send you all love, I send you all light, and I send you all a deep hug of compassion and care. Take care of your heart today, and make sure that you’re giving yourself the compassion and love you need to make it through the day.

Amen. Asé.

-gg

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