You’re currently looking at a picture of my brain right now. Has anyone ever been in a state of feeling like you’re in shock, feeling a little aloof, feeling confused, just not knowing which way is up?

I’ve been feeling a lot of feelings lately. I want to leave you all with an analogy.

You know how you go to your grandmother’s house for Thanksgiving dinner and she has all your favorites? The fried chicken. The turkey. The mac&cheese. The string beans. The collard greens. The cornbread. Ya’ll eat cranberry sauce (I hate that shit). Your plate is full of all these things. And then by the time you finish everything, you’re stuffed. Your stomach hurts because your eyes were bigger than your stomach. And you sit and fall into a food coma because you can barely move.

Essentially, I use this analogy to describe where I’m at in my life, and some other people might be too. I have way too much on my plate and I’m trying to decide what needs to come off that isn’t good for me, or how I can PROPORTIONIZE properly (I hope you guys got that RPDR reference) so that way, I don’t feel like I’m overwhelmed by so many emotions. I spent my day in my house today in this rainy weather. I’ve had a cold and I literally woke up in the middle of the night because I couldn’t breathe. I called out of work and just laid here and tried to medicate myself back to health. My mind has been in so many places lately.

I’m exhausted. And I need to indulge in some self-love and self-care. But what does that look like to you? I ask for your own input here because I realize I do a lot of giving to the masses, and never ask to receive. It’s one thing to be able to fill your cup, but it’s also good to fill others’ cups up. What do you do for you that makes you happy and feel back at peace? I’m still struggling to figure out how not to be superman and think that everything has to be perfect. Being raised in a household where you always were expected to exceed and be a certain way, it can be draining to try and live that life as an adult and be there for everyone and lack the skills to be there for yourself. Maybe this is a word someone needed to hear in regards to being there for yourself first before you’re there for others.

Either way, I come to you humbly and truthfully in a place of just looking for guidance.

Amen. Asé.


P.S. If you read about my student getting murdered and want to donate, please follow the link here to support his family and my school.

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