i woke up this morning with a migraine. or i should say, in the middle of the night with one. it was so bad that getting up to go pee, which happens probably more than it should for the regular person in the middle of the night, was a struggle. i was stumbling and was pretty much incapable of moving. this isn’t the first time that i’ve had migraines in the middle of the night, but it was the first time in quite some time that it had happened. i was completely incapable of really doing anything, but knew i had responsibilities at work i needed to accomplish. therefore i tried to sleep it off a little longer and just showed up a couple hours later. that was the beginning of my day, and it was one of the biggest struggles to leave the house after already being in it for as long as i was this morning. however, i realized that in just working four hours, i was satisfied. like, i mean, if this was a regular thing – girl bitch. it would be a wrap.
this time in between eclipses is so intense for some reason, and i feel like this morning potentially could have been a huge download that was a lot to take in, and movements going forward are going to change pretty quickly. a theme of this year for me is expansion, and i see it all around me in different ways. if you think about how you want to expand your life and how you want to see things differently, send energy towards that visualization. the more that you allow it to become a reality in your mind, the more you’ll strive to secure that it is. it won’t distract you or scare you in any way – you will actually want to fight to make it real. and that’s where i’m kinda staying at when it comes to my life and the way i want to see it. i know there are changes that i want to make and i have been feeling the urge more and more to make them in slight ways, but i am also taking my time to ensure that the energy is proper. for me, i can’t do something and not be truly invested. i half-ass it, and then bomb it. and i am the type of person that has to and loves to give their all to everything. therefore whatever comes my way, i am ready.
this week in therapy, i was able to think about my core beliefs. these are things that arise when you talk about yourself and what you think about yourself. these are simple thoughts that allow other branches of thought to stem from them, and this exercise was quite an exercise to experience. i was forced to dig to the smallest seed of doubt and then explain why it’s become a tree of death in my life that’s taking up space. now, i’m working on getting rid of the tree, straight from the ground, and making mince meat of it to prove the worth that i possess. i encourage you to do the same.
i don’t know where this was supposed to go, and sometimes i may not have a direct message. but at the same time, an honest man is a good man. i’m working on learning how to continue to be honest, but also make sure i am heard at the same time. it’s a struggle when others hear what they want to but we can dictate how that actually looks. and in time, it will all make sense. i’m ready for the ride this year feels like it’s going to be. aren’t you? it’s electric.