you get the brunt

child, life comes at you fast and by the time you turn around, you have no idea what’s going on. i don’t know what was going on with me, my lack of self-control/basic utter excitement to be social or whatever, but let’s just say i had a little mishap where i lost my phone + bookbag with some books, my journal, and my glasses (i swear i have lost the same pair of glasses and gotten them replaced at least 3 times now omg i keep losing them), had a $215 Uber charge and why? alcohol. booze. shots. BULLSHIT. so basically for right now, this is going to be my journal along with the notes section on my iPhone when i finally get it replaced (ALERT: IF YOU HAVE AN IPHONE AND HAVE APPLECARE AND LOSE IT BUT DON’T HAVE FIND MY IPHONE TURNED ON, YOU WILL NOT GET YOUR CLAIM. I LEARNED THIS THE HARD WAY).

you know, i realized how much i can buckle under peer pressure at times dependent upon the mood i’m in. this weekend, i was able to really understand that (after the hours of self-loathing because of having a moment of relapse) i tend to fall into temptation a little bit easier than i would like when it’s right in front of me. it is something to pay attention to, and to remember the tools that i have in my back pocket in order to maintain focus. i have been really caught up in the idea of that there is something on the horizon for me, and i have these great moments and highs…..then i hit a really big bottom but i tend to find my way back up eventually. what i’m also noticing is the recovery time is faster + i’m noticing what makes me want to recover.

i’m having this time in my life where things are shifting out of my realm of desire and i’m starting to have beliefs in other things and the idea and power that i can fulfill them. for a very long time, i feel like i had been the person that was a bit scared of their own shadow. i would talk myself out of things because of fear or just sometimes sheer laziness. what i’m realizing is that effort is what is key, and setbacks are just part of the journey. it makes the comeback that much more sweet, and i know that for sure.

even in the bad, i have been chanting “OM” and thanking God, Spirit, my Ancestors, the Universe…everyone that I know is watching over me and those that are praying for me (I’m definitely always praying for others too, no matter what) are helping me stay afloat. every day don’t come easy but the bounce back is what make the club rock.

i still wanna hit on temptation. i pulled it today and i found it ironic the cards just read my life. i would show you all the card but it is ugly because my current phone i have until i get my replacement phone takes the worst quality photos (but i am grateful i was able to work out having a temporary phone for the time being). basically, i was asked to look at what i am putting energy into to take me out of doing things consistently. the notes bring up alcohol consumption (which i relapsed with + won’t be doing again soon; a work in progress), tobacco, and other addictions. it made me think about the material pleasures, and why i had to lovingly release those things that i lost even though it made me frustrated. i could have made better decisions. saved my money. but you have to serve consequences for things you know are not of you.

what i am learning more or less these days is to be the most authentic version of you at all times and try to channel whatever you’re feeling the best way possible without causing yourself to numb the pain. it gets you nowhere except for deeper into guilt. i’m working on connecting back to Source and doing a LOT of work to do such. i want to connect deeper to myself. my purpose. and know that setbacks are part of what are going to push me forward. mistakes will be made. but gains will also be made as well. i encourage you to not be so hard on yourself when it comes to life. you were given life for a reason and you need to appreciate every moment you have to make it better. sometimes, it just takes finding your center and making sure that you stick to knowing what’s best at your core. you may fail, but pick yourself back up and try again.

i should be sleeping. i have to get up for work in the morning. today is my official first day back after break and i am NOT looking forward to it completely (the space makes me physically ill, my feeeeeeeelings bro) but i’m going to make the best of it and i claim in advance that tomorrow will be great, life will be great, and all things will fall into place the way the Universe wants. roads are opening and peace is on the horizon.

amen. asé.


burning books. [SOLITUDE + ACE OF FIRE]

Good Rising, readers. This Supermoon has been something else, ey? I know that ever since we’ve had this Supermoon pass, the energy has felt like a rollercoaster a bit. Personally, sleeping has been somewhat of an issue. I’ve been feeling a lot more energy than normal. It’s also feeling like I’m in a space where ideas are finally starting to take form, but now it’s going to come with a lot of effort being put in on my end. As I wrote yesterday in my post, it feels like there is a mountain that is up ahead that is able to be seen, and it’s just waiting on the right person to tackle it at the right time.

Today, I was reading something and came across the topic of being willing to receive, while giving generously. This connects back to karmic law, as far as ‘what is given shall be received’, and I think at times, we forget this. I know as an empath, my primary purpose is to always give and receiving is such a weird space for me to be in. Getting gifts, being surprised, small little acts of kindness…I’m grateful for most definitely, but they’re not my first instinct. Naturally, as a giver, I tend to lean into that side of myself first but have learned the more that I grow up that giving TOO MUCH comes with terrible consequences. There are so many energy suckers out here, so be wary of who you spend your time with and who you give your energy to. Lean in with love today, and make sure that recognize you are deserving of whatever support, love and help you need along the way. Make sure that you find that balance between the two, and continue to push forward with that mentality as our days go on by. Also, be willing to receive the goodness of happiness from others. If people are truly giving from their heart, you’ll know. It could be the smallest of gestures, but that’s a way of showing love.

With so much shit happening in the world, small acts of kindness are the potion that could potentially bring us together or tear us apart. Every small act of politeness and kindness doesn’t always come with some instantaneous reward, but that shouldn’t be the focus. It should be more about the feeling you get when you’re able to support someone else the way they should. Your time will come when it’s your moment to receive.

Today, while pulling, I pulled the Major Arcana Oracle Card Solitude and the Ace of Fire from my Tarot of the Orisha deck. (let me tell you – random sidenote; if this is what my days could consist of on a regular basis? Lord Jesus, heavenly Ancestors and Spirit hear my cry…this would be great.)

As I ease into my morning, these are the two cards that somewhat go with the energy I’m feeling. It’s this mixture of wanting to be alone and gather thoughts, ideas, and figure some things out in life (trying to decide whether or not this is at home or just around the city because I’m off)…but also feeling like a lion because I want to roam around a bit without doing too much. Y’all know lions leisurely stroll and I would love to be able to hit a teleport button right now and be in the middle of a park somewhere in the city really quickly, get a little air, and teleport back home. A bitch can dream, can’t she? Who buying me a teleportation watch?

Anyways, as we see in the Solitude card, baby girl is wearing a blue dress and she is reading what seems to be a book. The color blue is connected with the throat chakra and has to do with communication, expression, imagination, and freedom. The other interesting thing about this is that the book is positioned so that way, it feels as though she’s allowing us to read along with her at the same time. I’m feeling like this is telling us to take some time to re-read our situations in life and sit with them for some time. Look at the ink you’ve left behind on the pages. Go back and revisit them. Give yourself some time to look inside your soul and figure out what’s going on. The setting also shows that in the background, it looks like we are around the time of sunset and there is a huge pillar in the background standing erect behind the young woman. The pillar to me looks like the rook from the game of Chess, and we all know that the rook can move wherever it wants on the board in certain directions as far as it wants at any time. The background makes me feel as though if you’re reading this at any point during the day, take some time to step back and let yourself reflect upon your soul and what it is asking for more of. You’ve been moving all over the place lately with your thoughts and have so many paths you can take and it is currently time to take inventory of what is going on and which direction you want to move. What I’m feeling is that you need to take a knee and listen to your soul in a quiet, beautiful sacred place for you at some point today. It carries all the answers to what you’re looking for.

People love alone time, but underestimate the power of alone time that serves as rejuvenation in a variety of ways. Meditation, writing, vegging out to help decompress, working on a passion project…all these things are valid and good ways to make use of your quiet time. As a society, everyone wants to go out and do things more often than not and socialize with friends which is fine, but don’t spend enough time convening with themselves. This card is telling you to make sure that you schedule time to reinvigorate your spirit and conserve your energy properly. Take things as they come. Don’t rush the time that you need to check in with your soul and make sure you all are on one accord. Make this an intentional part of your day from now on so it becomes a habitual practice. I know personally, I’ll throw on some binaural beats or isochronic tones and just breathe to catch myself up back with myself for the moment. Take some time to give yourself space today from everyone, unplug from them, and charge yourself back up.

With Miss Ace of Fire, it’s going to make you want to feel like the center of attention on this day. Miss Lion is PERCHT in the jungle, and as we see in the background, it’s a beautiful day. It seems like Miss Lion is just sitting there, letting you admire your beauty but is ready to pounce whenever necessary. You’re probably going to be feeling a bit fiery today, and that’s okay. Combined with this Solitude pull, this would seem a bit confusing correct? In all actuality, what this is telling me is that you are going to be able to find the balance of doing what needs to get done and listening to your soul and giving it space when it is needed. You want to be understood. You want to be flattered. Or you may want to flatter others because they need it. That symbiotic relationship will be imperative towards your growth and emotional state today. Remember that you have the fire of a lion and whatever comes your way, you will move through with ease Take on whatever endeavors you want today and be charismatic about it. Your bubbly personality in the workplace or around others won’t go unnoticed. Also, go within and value yourself for being your most authentic self and letting others affirm you. Even though you don’t need this necessarily, it’s good to get that love not just from yourself, but others. Today could also be a good day for you to get some “good day gooch” and maybe knock boots a bit if things go your way. As long as you put in the effort, everything will fall into place. You have the power of decision. You can decide how you want to engage with others. You can decide how you want to spend your quiet time today, reflecting. You can decide who you want to let be a part of your energetic space. It all comes down to you.

TL;DR: Make sure you spread love as much as you talk about how much you want to receive it, ensure that you give yourself that love first before throwing it all willy-nilly elsewhere and be the star of your show today by letting that sparkling personality shine. You deserve.

Amen. Asé.



So, this week is winter break for most teachers and let me tell you, i have just have to thank the Ancestors for this additional time off (that i’m getting paid for + i am not out on disability because of having a mental breakdown YAY!) because it’s great to just be able to live like a regular human. I actually am enjoying getting back to being able to write and update with general writing and stuff because my spirit can handle it. when you’re in a space that takes your energy away, getting ANYTHING out is difficult and i’m a firm believer in following the energy. anyways, as mentioned before, I had been getting requests to start writing about my tarot and oracle card pulls. well, i’ll show you what both of them were for the day and then we can talk more about what i’m getting from them personally.

Today’s Oracle Card was the Physical card Firm Foundation with the #4 adorned at the top, and the Tarot pull of the day was Undines and Mermaids from my Tarot of the Orishas deck.

As we see in regards to Firm Foundations, we see that the card is outlined in red, and there is a mountain that is in front of this strong strapping black man. There is a huge red triangle is highlighting his lower back, which I attribute to the root chakra being highlighted here. You may not be able to see it on the card, but the triangle is actually outlined in various colors, like a rainbow of colors. This man is standing in front of this majestic mountain and he’s not looking at it head on but standing looking off to the side a bit as it seems as though he’s pondering what endeavor he is about to take on. There are also what looks like archways in the foreground, which can mean that it’s going to take a while for him to walk and climb that mountain, but it’s still in his sights.

All of this makes me think that it is important that we focus on keeping ourselves grounded as we have come into this new super powerful energy. We are going to be feeling extra full of ourselves when it comes to taking on new endeavors and ambitions, but we have to remember that we cannot get derailed along the journey. What I see this mountain represents is what’s out in the distance is finally able to be materialized. It’s tangible. For me personally, I’ve been trying to ‘figure it out’ in regards to what is supposed to be coming next for me, but I am feeling like it’s all starting to come together and I have to have faith that I will get there and climb that mountain. The number 4 is related to structure, foundation, stable situations, and planning. This means that with proper planning, having some sort of valuable structure, and ensuring that you think of all possible outcomes and necessary things before you begin your journey, you’ll be good to go. Just don’t get knocked off your feet whether you’re on the ground or up in the air. I also rolled a nice lucky 7 for my own personal dice divination this morning, so I think that what I’m saying is hitting on SUM.

As long as you make sure that you have good judgment and lay down the framework as best as possible when it comes to whatever endeavor, you will be able to build security for yourself in the future. Just keep in mind that good actions come with good rewards and questionable actions come with questionable results. Don’t take advantage of people or situations for the negative – be a sponge, be open, and be receptive to what’s out there to help you set the yams out properly for a win. Also, it’s important that you give back to those that help you along the way – those folks that ground you are going to be important as you move forward on this path. Reach out to the friends and family that keep you spiritually fed, and allow them to see the beauty you are working on. Allow their suggestions to hold some weight and remember that you are forever learning. This is what will help you achieve greatness.

Now, along with my tarot card pull, this is interesting. Before I continue, I just want to say that most days, I’m just pulling for myself but then am able to share my experiences and thoughts and hope that it’s able to touch you. That’s all – I hope something hits on something for you. With Undines and Mermaids, we see a beautiful mermaid underwater holding onto what looks like two seashells. She is PERCHT underneath the sea as the fish and all the beauty of the ocean surrounds her. Mermaids deal with love, and this card has to deal with those that are in the field of communication…whether it be written, visual or oral. It means that you will be finding a tribe of some sort soon to help you get your voice out there the way that you want to. It comes to people who put in the time to get to their level of expertise: doctors, masseurs, reporters, art critics, etc. The idea is that people who use the method of communication are those that are going to be feeling a boost of energy today. I am feeling that the beauty that you possess inside is meant to be shared on the outside without worry for judgment. We all tend to be concerned with what others think or will say about what we share with the public, and if you have something on your chest you want to get off, feel comfortable enough to divulge what’s tea so that way, others can get on board with your message and support you the way you need + allow you to become that much more real with yourself and ingrained in the world around you. It also will help you discern who is down for the ride in your life and who isn’t able to see your beauty.

All in all, the TL;DR version: Discern who are the people in your life that will help you allow your voice to be heard the way you want it to be heard, and remember that having a strong foundation and plan to achieve your dreams is the only way for progress to happen. You can’t sprint towards your goals; ease on into them like a dick in a butt.

I hope this spoke to you in some way.

Amen. Asé.



the art of letting go…why is it so much more difficult than what we give it credit for? fear is sometimes so paralyzing that it hinders us from actually getting and acquiring what we deserve. it stops us from moving forward down the path that we know is correct. i know for me, if fear wasn’t a factor?…i would not be in the same space at this very moment in time if i could just tell fear to move out the way.

the thing is…we have to learn to dance with our fears in order to allow them to pass us off towards our dreams. we have to confront those things that scare us the most because most of the time, they mainly are the things we need in order to be more in sync with what is important for us to grow and actually acquire what is written for us. even if we go ahead, face fears and confront them and don’t get the result we were hoping for, that’s still okay…because there’s a lesson within that. i have heard this SO MANY TIMES but to actually live it, breathe it, and follow through with it? sis. you’re trying the doll.

i’ve touched on fear in previous posts before, but this time i want to acknowledge the importance of my own personal fears and what i am working on to get over. and the mental effort it takes. it’s a practice. a continual practice. it’s a level of vulnerability you have to possess in order to loose yourself from what worries you. the reason being every single piece of the wall has to come down brick by brick.

my therapists are getting good money because the quote one gave me has been sticking with me. i realize a lot of times that i am so impatient and quick to want change to transpire. but don’t we all? it’s the consistent effort towards lowering the wall that allows you to get closer to what is needed for your success. this comes in relationships, jobs, dreams, you name it. every time you acknowledge what boundary you have created in your mind exists, it is your job to remove that brick. a lot of the work i’ve been doing is around those core beliefs that we have, and the branches from the tree of said core belief that jack us up. i’m working on (and encouraging you) to look at what the trunk of the tree is saying and rooted in, and why the branches exist. try and cut down each of those branches bit by bit, day by day in order to get closer to the root of the issue and remove the tree from the soil that is your negative mindset.

when i did this exercise, one of the core beliefs i had derived from this:

“I desire to be perfect.”

perfection in my eyes has always been defined as life is together, job is together, mental health is together, financially thriving, moving up the work ladder, and friendships and social life is intact, without anyone batting an eye at what you are doing and you are assumed to be having a good time (and actually are having a good time with life), with no complaints. People can see you and you’re always giving your best and beyond, and you can be relied on in a pinch for anyone at any time. I wanted to have that be my life because I never want people to question my worth. I never wanted people to question if I could handle something because I’m always the one people could come to for anything. And that would be what made me think I was “doing the right thing”.

I had to realize how unrealistic that was, and how toxic of a belief that was. I can’t be there for everyone always. I have to be there for myself. every day I have struggles sometimes just to get out of bed. I constantly wake up sometimes with nausea because my anxiety is so bad. The medication doesn’t even help me anymore. Meditating doesn’t work all the time as much as I may try it because I can’t quiet my thoughts or sit still long enough to focus on what’s going on in my spirit. My mind is racing constantly about all of the things I need to do, how I feel, the little bits and pieces of life that are affecting my mind…etc. And…I have to realize how okay that is. I am learning to lovingly acknowledge that, treat myself with care, and put myself first in a way that I never really did growing up. That idea of perfection is so subjective, and as long as I am perfect for myself, I’m good. And not even perfect…as long as I’m good, I’m good. I’m not there yet, but I’m slowly but surely getting there, and any effort I can put forward is better than before.

I always believed by now, certain things would be in place, but the journey of life leads you down different paths so that way you can appreciate the growth it took to get to what you wanted. I mean, if you didn’t work for it, you don’t appreciate it as much. I have a lot of work to do still on self, beliefs, and also just finding myself and the truth as to what I am here to do. yes, i’m smart. yes, i’m able to be on tv if i want to be. yes, i can be a best-selling author. yes, i can be a trained healer. I also need to remember to not be lazy and with the same fervor I had when I was an academic seek out the opportunities that are going to be pleasing towards my soul and allow me the space to expand the way I need. my life is about expansion currently, and I want to continue on with that. My well-being is most important, and I also want to make that a priority.

as Michelle from Auric, someone I had the honor of getting a bit of coaching by said on her Twitter (you should totally get services done by her!!!!):

Screen Shot 2019-02-20 at 2.58.01 PM

I will be successful and happy by being who I am, not giving a shit what others have to say about my performance, my being, my status, and what I bring to the table. I remember that I am a magical being that is here for a reason and will continue to not strive for perfection but strive for goodness. Fear is not here to hold me back but push me forward.

you should do the same.

Amen. Asé.


harmonious harvests. [6 – HARMONY]

Today marks the Full Moon in Virgo, which also happens to be the first and only Supermoon of the year. This moon is called the “Snow Moon” because it represented when the heaviest snow would fall during the time Native Americans inhabited the land. It’s said that this transit is happening while we are transitioning into Pisces season, which is the closing of doors in regards to the zodiac cycle. The Full Moon, which typically is connected to release, is asking you to take a step back from everything, assess how far you come, let go of what doesn’t serve you still (the shit that you know is sitting in your face that you’re ignoring) and step into your authority. We all have been experiencing a lot of back and forth when it comes to making decisions on what we want and deserve, and this Super Moon is telling us to take what is ours and make it our bitch. When you detach yourself from things so heavily, take an objective step back and assess, and come back…that’s when you’re able to make the best decisions and that is what this Super Moon is asking you to do.

These days, I’ve been in the business of trying to figure out what my next move is going to be. I know that I have been outgrowing a lot of things in my life: people, places, situations, lifestyles…and I’ve been feeling like there’s a breakthrough on the horizon. This aligns quite perfectly with what the Cosmos are telling us to pay attention to, and I’ve been allowing my intuition to lead more than ever these days. This is important because we are celestial beings beyond anything else, and our spirits know what is going to be best for us in order to function at our highest level of good. I’ve been questioning a lot in life lately – there’s been quite a lot of reason for me to do that. I’m at an age where everything is like coming with a consequence, and I want to ensure that whatever decisions I make are going to benefit me in the long run.

With this Super Moon we are experiencing today (10:53 AM is the time I believe that the Full Moon actually hits), it’s going to make us move forward, excavating the fears that we possess at our core to ensure that we don’t worry about what’s coming forward. We can tend to overthink things (I’m the prime example of a bitch that does that), and what you are being asked to do right now more than ever is trust your gut and trust your instincts as to where they are trying to lead you. Don’t let your fears overrun your decisions, and lead with the truth.

Today as I was doing my morning pull, I came across the Harmony card. I wanted to share it because lately, I have been working on keeping the consistency in my pulling and people have been wanting me to share more of my pulls, so anyways, lemme go ahead and explain what this Harmony card is bringing up for me. IMG_1146

The Harmony card, as you can see, has two people that seem as though they are joining forces. It’s a Major Arcana card, and the number 6 (represents appreciation, self-sacrifice, loyalty, responsibility) is at the top. I look at this as the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine coming together to find peace in their situation. Surrounding them are flowers, which identifies their connection to the overall being that is Nature and when the two are able to combine, there is a Light that appears between them. What I interpret this to be is searching for those parts of yourself that you are attempting to bring to the forefront and make those prevalent, while also appreciating those parts of yourself that you may feel overrun you for the worse. Remember that life is a balance and when you are able to find true harmony in any situation, joy is right around the corner. Allowing the pieces of yourself that you want to shine come to the surface is what is the main focus for you during this time frame, and the Light will appear when you find harmony in all that you’re working towards.

The card signifies that there is a possibility that there will be some deep spiritual initiation, partnership, or union that manifests itself currently or in the future. Don’t think of it just as a love affair; it can appear as a variety of things. Remember that all partnerships are valuable and that you need to ask yourself if these partnerships in your life are bringing to you what you need in order to feel grounded. Every person is a mirror reflection of you, and at this time you need to truly focus on ensuring that you are making the proper choices in your relationships and loosing yourself of those people and places that don’t support your inner space. Every person you encounter is made to teach you something, and when the course that they offer is up, lovingly let them go. Some folks are made to be life-long subscribers, as they bring harmonious pleasures to your life. Take some time today to distinguish who brings you peace, who doesn’t, and whether or not your ‘places & spaces’ empower and encourage you to be all that you can be. If they are not doing that, lovingly release them and spend some time today taking inventory on what needs to be purged in order for you to allow Harmony to be your barometer.

Otherwise, personally…I have high hopes for whatever is to come. The thing about life is whenever you have lows, the only way to go is up. I trust that no matter what comes my way, I’ll be able to use the wisdom that I carry in order to grow. I encourage you to use your wisdom to make sense of things during this Full Moon season, and release that which does not serve you. Also, start to manifest the New Beginnings you want to see in your life, and allow those to be where you start sending your energy. It’ll benefit you in the long run in so many ways, and you’ll have the starting points for the blueprint that you’re creating, or already have started to draw up.  The future awaits.

.Amen. Asé.