as the old folks say, i’m burning the midnight oil. why? i just felt like it needed to be done. being on the brink of a breakthrough is a bitch, i tell you. it legitimately tests your patience and everything that you have inside of you in order to make sure that you are ready for what’s ahead. you are fortifying every portion of your soul in order to ascend to that next level. it truly takes practice, dedication, and a willingness to expand in order for you to be able to get there. not everyone is chosen. not everyone is able. not everyone is willing. and that’s something that i have to continually put into perspective.
when it comes, you take it. when it’s not there, don’t force it. when you need to take a step back, do it. these obvious thought patterns are things that should come natural, but at times are a little more………difficult to follow through with just because of the way life is set up. you know, when you’re open and a little naïve it can be a little much when you’re trying to figure out the best path for you. it takes a huge level of faith in self and trust in order for that to be a thing. the things that we cannot see are the things that will take us to the location in which we desire.
lately, i feel like i have been having an out of body experience at times. like i wake up sometimes and don’t feel like myself and can’t really pinpoint what’s wrong. i have these waves of emotions throughout the day. like i’m fine then i am not. i’m good then i’m aggy. it kinda just comes and goes in a way. i’m also working on allowing all of these emotions to exist and sitting with them. a lot of the time i’m trying to stuff them down because i’m trying to hide them from people. i get ashamed of being emotional or having so much going on in front of people because i never want people to peg me as unstable or talking too much or too open. i feel like if you got me talking, that’s better than not and a lot of people don’t understand that’s my reality. as a person with social anxiety on trillion navigating this world in a sober body, it is such an experience that you all don’t even understand…if I didn’t have grounding or at least attempt to do such, i would be even further off the path to greatness than i am now, and i know i am slowly but surely encroaching. there are just some self-sabotaging thoughts i have to rid self of and also remember to put a lot of love in the bucket for me in order to get through.
i don’t know. just keep fighting, girl. your manifestations are coming. your blessings aren’t blocked. you’re learning every day. just take a deep breath, download, trust, and run with the shit G.