have you taken responsibility for your own healing? have you sat down and done the work to figure out what it takes in order for you to start clearing out that shit that really is deep down inside of you? have you even acknowledged that your healing needs to begin? have you noticed what triggers you and why, and how you can sidestep through those emotions?
i feel like these are themes and questions that have been coming up for me a lot lately and i have been answering them in a variety of ways lately. digging into the root of why i experience emotional rollercoasters throughout any given day is such a process, and i don’t question it anymore. it’s interesting to grow up and TRULY recognize the growth that you have made. we all go through different processes and life experiences that shape who we eventually become as humans. some are more privileged than others in different ways, but we all are here on earth connecting as one for some reason. the universe does its job in regards to bringing folks into our lives that help us to work through our shit, and it’s our job to recognize that as such when it happens. the only way that you’re going to be able to do that is when you stop and be present with what’s going on around you. that intuition and connection to your heart is important, mawma.
i confess. i’m someone who doesn’t like to be present a lot of the time. i’ve said in therapy before that i feel like my mind feels like a board that just pings and lights up different bulbs bit by bit because of the stream of thought or consciousness i carry at times. i tend to overthink situations and sometimes cause myself to freak out. it’s never intentional – it’s something i have battled with for years but now i can acknowledge that it’s a real thing. before, i used to numb that mindset with alcohol because it overwhelmed me. that’s not to say that it doesn’t overwhelm me now, but i’m learning how to cope with that. it’s also something huge to have to cope with that and then be a person in the world, trying to maintain some semblance of clarity and grounding when the world around you doesn’t actually respect or get it fully (especially in the workforce). i cannot begin to explain how many times i have beat myself up for owning my truth when it comes to my mental illnesses and personal situations. i’ve had to come to the realization that i am not damaged and whatever i am experiencing doesn’t make me (or you) less of a person. anyone that refuses to understand that or at least give you your flowers for transmuting that pain from out your spirit and dealing with your reality everyday doesn’t deserve your beauty and your light in their lives. as i write this, i heal myself and hope to heal you because you deserve to be given your just desserts.
you are perfectly fine the way that you are, but we are always due for an upgrade. let’s be real. look at any cell phone. there’s always a new model coming out because it has to keep up with the world and what’s around it. there’s a way to keep up with the world without getting sucked into it. that’s called fortifying yourself in the sense of who you are, and allowing that shit to ride without fucking apologizing for anything that you’re doing. no one is allowed to dictate your reality, and no one has shared your lived experience like you have. you know what it takes for you to 1) evolve and 2) have the desire to evolve. the first step begins with you wanting that for yourself and acknowledging this…and this is where most people falter. stop. think. breathe. assess. recognize.
i used to find it frustrating when people would complain about something or repetitively make the same “mistake”, but not put forth any effort into making change. excuses and apologies become tiring when there’s no true action being put behind the actual factual reason for change. but then i began to realize that everyone’s healing journey is unique, and leading with love is the only way that we can allow ourselves to heal. every lesson that is brought to you is brought with love, whether you recognize it as such or not. i lean in to love now in whatever way it looks like on any given day because that’s how i bring my best self to this world. i share my truth. i listen to my body. i value my peace. i encourage you to look inside yourself and find those things that help ground you also. whether that be singing, dancing, talking shit with your girls, writing, whatever it is…it’s our job to just be authentic in all our interactions and moves in life. without this truth, no one is going to be able to grow or want to grow. lead.
people idolize celebrities because of what they see they have. they don’t know the story behind what it took to get there. why are we not idolizing the emotional maturity of people or the desire for people to dissolve their trauma and share their journey? we should be ushering in the spirit of love and safety because that’s the type of world that i want to live in.
but we don’t. and that’s why i escape being present a lot. but then i realize…bitch, even if everyone else isn’t moving the way you are, that doesn’t mean that you gotta move like them. your journey is for you, and you do what you do when you can do it. i’m owning being the star of my own show. i’m owning being the protagonist to the story. no matter what dirty shit has to be aired out or discussed, that’s me owning my truth. and i have no shame in doing such anymore. i’m too old to hold onto outdated thought patterns, and so are you. take ownerhsip of your healing and your growth. rule the world.
i still have things to clear out and situations to get rid of. i still have things i want to accomplish and need space, time, and solidarity to get through it. i still have people that i know need to exit my life, and have lovingly released them and cut those cords as i see fit. freedom is my birthright, and Spirit has allowed me to seek it in my own regards with God’s hand guiding me. with this, i implore you to take time this week to allow your heartache to excite you as you release it. let it out. give thanks to those that have protected you. your road to riches is laying right in front of you…are you ready to walk on that path? you don’t have to do it alone – i’m here too.
i love you.