[don’t] fuck me passionately. [please]

it’s late night, so that means you’re gonna get it straight. as human beings, we all want to feel loved. and sometimes, we just want to be wrecked. 

what do i mean by wrecked? sometimes, you just want to get pounded out like it’s nothing and you don’t want anyone to question why you got this big ass grin across your face at work when you arrive on monday. or when you come back from your ‘baecation’ abroad in tuscany and you know you had some really freaky shit happen while you were away. or maybe you didn’t have some freaky shit happen, but you still were able to get you a piece of what you needed in order to fulfill that sexual tank.

now, i can’t say i’m on the spectrum of sitting over here trying to get wrecked…however! a nigga’s sexual inclinations are low. my sex tank on E and no drinks are on me, my nigga. you feel me? i had this conversation on twitter before – i honestly have felt more comfortable just masturbating than engaging in sexual acts for quite some time. why do you ask? …..

..i still really don’t know the complete answer to the question, but if I was going to take a stab at it, I would say this. It’s a mixture of clearing out the last little bit of trauma that I have around being gay, my parents not accepting it, and knowing that I love me a fat ass on a man, a nice pair of thighs and a decent size dick (y’all can have those uncut ones – i’m sorry, i’m not a fan of the anteater no tea no shade)…being assaulted by men three times and having a hard time dealing with the aftermath of those traumatic experiences with men and always having this visceral reaction that i’m being taken advantage of…and that i just feel like really stepping into my sexuality is something i am not necessarily afraid of doing. however – i truly still haven’t uncovered HIM safely and in a manner that makes me feel like i own that man, not someone else.

and what does THAT mean? i haven’t been in a situation where someone has allowed me to be able to find that deep-rooted sexual being that is on a high vibration as my soul intertwines with his;… as the thrust of my energy enters his and connects us in a bout of passion, magic, and fervor that connects us on a level that’s out of this world. i hung up my ho belt after i pretty much turned 25. that got tiring after basically “sleeping around” morehouse (and i use that term loosely because i truly was just exploring myself without having to worry about my nagging ass parents breathing down my neck) and getting my everlasting life when i could. i mean, i wasn’t having sex like that in high school like everyone else was and is these days. i did lose my virginity in a threesome*, but that’s another time for another day.

*(yes, i was the tippity top top, for those that were wondering. thirsty.)

but yeah, that hopping on the elusive ‘apps’ in order to get my life one evening is just something i can’t get with. to keep it real, i would rather fuck a twitter nigga or an instagram nigga than a jack’d nigga any day of the week. at least i can attempt to get my FBI skills on through those apps and really get a picture of the type of energy i’m dealing with. jack’d just really has always been a dark hole for me (and i’m not bashing jack’d – it’s just not my cup of tea) nor are the other ‘apps’ because i’m not the type of person that can just get his rocks off with a random anymore. that cycle normally becomes…

“get horny –> consider downloading app (only jack’d or grindr because all that other extra shit has the same niggas on it) –> get it and have it for all of 4 hours and see if anyone takes bait and gives me attention –> sets up an appointment or makes it seem like i’m trying to allure someone –> delete the app because i snap to my senses the next morning after i realize that i wasn’t ever leaving my fucking house to waste my time with a nigga from the apps”


now, i know you guys are probably thinking ‘didn’t this nigga just have a boyfriend‘? ‘they didn’t have sex‘?

one – that’s none of your business.
two – that’s none of your business.
three – i’m still due some ass. or some dick. whatever i’m feeling that fucking day. and i’m going to leave it at that. 

Aries New Moon energy has hit my ass like a fucking wave. a wrecking ball if you will, right into my groin, awakening it after lying dormant for so long. it’s like my dick just started to finally re-attach to my whole body and be a thing that wants to be used for other people lmao. you know, depression medication (at least the one i’m on sadly) actually takes away your sex drive. so that + me already not being the most ~open~ person to sex all the time (i’m really the type of nigga where i gotta get to know you for some time and get close to you before i have you breathing up in my face all over me and shit and trying to kiss me…i’m the type to mush a nigga in they face and tell them to back the fuck up with the quickness…I am a Scorpio but I digress G) makes this whole journey just different & difficult for a complex motherfucka like me.

simply put, i wanna get in some guts. i don’t know about that ‘getting in my guts’ thing, but if the right nigga comes along (if you’re above 5’11” and weigh at least 190-200 pounds, you can holla at me and i’ll see if i’m feeling your vibe enough to enter the kingdom of gurry~*~**~*~*~*~~) then i mean, who fucking knows.

i’m 29-years old. i can do and say what the fuck i want.

eye want some mouf on my shit. and that’s that.

and i know you probably are sitting here reading this like ‘what is this nigga going through?’ but you know that you probably felt your loins jump at some point throughout this, because you’re overdue for a tune-up. and i just let it all hang out for once…so take it while you can get it because this powerful sexual being doesn’t show up that often. i’m merging into that person i see myself being and actually being able to enjoy those acts instead of being caught in the past. i’ve been doing a lot of cord cutting with that shit, and i refuse to let it hold me back from the shit that i actually wanna do…which is sometimes be a gutterbutt slut. xox.

but before i even dip out, i gotta just say that make sure that you have sex that is safe for you in whatever regard that means, and don’t do anything to try and make someone else feel good about what you trying to give them OR mislead them and do them dirty in ways that are irreversible. take care of yourself and your heart. a word of advice:


Protect your heart. Protect your energy. Get some dick. Or some pussy. Or get you a good toy pounding. Try whatever the fuck you want out. I implore you to explore right now.

And uh….yeah, if you read this and …*loses service*

Amen. Asé.