Blog

giddy-up.

When you take life by the reins in the manner that you desire, the outcome really does do something to you.

I want to start this off by a post from ScorpioMystique [check her website out – she is amazing and is always on point and follow her on social media!!!! she’s such a sweetheart!] and something I just re-read (I always read her weekly forecasts for Scorpios when they drop) and it just shook me for some reason.

…it’s best to simply keep it real and let yourself feel a bit wild and all over the place. Write, draw, sing, dance, cry, vent, meditate, make love, recreate your look, send a sext… Don’t limit yourself from expressing what’s on your heart, but also know when you need to direct all that passion towards yourself. Taking yourself out on a date, dressing up for yourself, touching yourself… It’s all a possibility for you, especially as the sex sign of the zodiac. Be your own lover and then watch how everyone else reacts. … With Uranus, the Planet of Surprise in your partnership sector until 2026, you’re at the beginning of a major sexual and romantic reawakening. The more you own your sex appeal and your strong romantic urges, the better your love life becomes. Gift yourself the right to be a fully liberated being, Scorpio. Rise from your ashes like the Phoenix that you are.

It has been a weird couple of days since this New Moon has hit. In my last post, I was practically begging to have dick appear in my life like a thief in the night in some capacity. And you know what? …I’m not gonna get into that, but let’s just say that manifestations are real and the mentality of abundance is real if you tap into it. You have to just trust what’s unseen and allow yourself to truly feel what’s arising in your spirit when it comes. I’ve been working on learning not to question everything, as I normally would. I just end up consulting with self for a hot second and letting the chips fall where they may. I have realized that my desire to have the answer to everything can be toxic at times, and I have to learn how to balance that better. I am learning how to allow my emotions to live and breathe like other human beings do.

We are taught to suppress our emotions in certain situations. Certain settings. Certain environments. I know there is proper etiquette in certain environments and whatnot, but come on. I feel like the exposure that we have to REACTIONS to certain emotional responses is what has created a society where we are not functioning at our best capacity because we are bogged down with the idea of someone else’s thought patterns affecting how we move. Fuck that, bro. I’m tired of that old outdated pattern. I’m all about following the intuition that is put inside of us that lets us know what actually feels right, and is at the same time morally right for our own being.

The way I look at it, sometimes people do things just for show. Everyone is fucking begging to be seen. And they will do whatever it takes to ensure that they have an ‘impact’, whether or not the impact is actually the type of impact that they’re going for. How long have you been shooting in the gym? Are you putting your people on, or are you just being selfish about your glow & flow? Everyone – we have to remember that it’s important to just let people be, and just support and clap for our niggas. And even those that always aren’t the most vocal about supporting us, or even hate us in a sense. Just stay in your lane right now and know that you’re being carried along the way. It’s about trusting in the unseen and knowing that you’re being supported even when you’re not being publicly praised.

This awakening (or reinforcement & reawakening) of this mindset has been so strong for me lately. Petty mindless bullshit is such a vibration that is not what I want to go for right now. I’ve been just kind of stepping into things that I have been ashamed of or talking about things that I have kept hidden for quite some time. It’s like the shadow is going away and the true light is starting to reveal itself, and GOSHDANGIT it is BRIGHT. It comes in waves and the beauty of it is that it stays with you. The light always peaks out in the darkness, and it always had. Nowadays, it’s just feeling like the sun is actually eclipsing over the moon just a bit to find that perfect balance of both, and I’m grateful for that. Living life like it’s golden, doing things the way that I want to, and just making do with what I can in the moment. If we lived like that more often, we would be happier people on a regular basis – guaranteed. Instead of being a prude, thinking about what others are going to say (we are our biggest critics, first off, and then are also hyper-aware of the feelings of others at times) I have come to the conclusion that the lie detector test determined that everyone’s opinion mattering is a lie. I’m not worried about you! It’s this state of finding peace within self to allow your own truths to prevail. That’s what keeps you afloat and keeps your light shining for the world to see.

As long as you stay true to form and don’t let anything else get in your way, you’re good. Right now, Jupiter is in Retrograde and it speaks about the amount of abundance that is at our fingertips right now. Of course most people think retrogrades are bad, but I’m having a good feeling about the fire of this one. The Sagittarius fire of this retrograde is going to test whether or not you allow change into your life willingly, or if you are going to crumble when actually pushed into what you ask for. Let’s be real, you’re about to be tested. Saddle up.

I know and declare freely that I’m up for any challenge right now, because any challenge helps me grow. Adapt the same mindset and instead of being fixed, become more malleable and allow the winds of life to take you wherever. You’re refining what works for you and what doesn’t in the current moment. And it’s not going to always be pretty, but being receptive is half the battle. When you learn to receive whatever comes your way and then be able to truly sift through what doesn’t serve you, then you will have mastered what’s necessary to continue to ascend to where you want to be. I’m rooting for you. We’re all rooting for you.

Amen. Asé.

P.S. Go get you some.

[don’t] fuck me passionately. [please]

it’s late night, so that means you’re gonna get it straight. as human beings, we all want to feel loved. and sometimes, we just want to be wrecked. 

what do i mean by wrecked? sometimes, you just want to get pounded out like it’s nothing and you don’t want anyone to question why you got this big ass grin across your face at work when you arrive on monday. or when you come back from your ‘baecation’ abroad in tuscany and you know you had some really freaky shit happen while you were away. or maybe you didn’t have some freaky shit happen, but you still were able to get you a piece of what you needed in order to fulfill that sexual tank.

now, i can’t say i’m on the spectrum of sitting over here trying to get wrecked…however! a nigga’s sexual inclinations are low. my sex tank on E and no drinks are on me, my nigga. you feel me? i had this conversation on twitter before – i honestly have felt more comfortable just masturbating than engaging in sexual acts for quite some time. why do you ask? …..

..i still really don’t know the complete answer to the question, but if I was going to take a stab at it, I would say this. It’s a mixture of clearing out the last little bit of trauma that I have around being gay, my parents not accepting it, and knowing that I love me a fat ass on a man, a nice pair of thighs and a decent size dick (y’all can have those uncut ones – i’m sorry, i’m not a fan of the anteater no tea no shade)…being assaulted by men three times and having a hard time dealing with the aftermath of those traumatic experiences with men and always having this visceral reaction that i’m being taken advantage of…and that i just feel like really stepping into my sexuality is something i am not necessarily afraid of doing. however – i truly still haven’t uncovered HIM safely and in a manner that makes me feel like i own that man, not someone else.

and what does THAT mean? i haven’t been in a situation where someone has allowed me to be able to find that deep-rooted sexual being that is on a high vibration as my soul intertwines with his;… as the thrust of my energy enters his and connects us in a bout of passion, magic, and fervor that connects us on a level that’s out of this world. i hung up my ho belt after i pretty much turned 25. that got tiring after basically “sleeping around” morehouse (and i use that term loosely because i truly was just exploring myself without having to worry about my nagging ass parents breathing down my neck) and getting my everlasting life when i could. i mean, i wasn’t having sex like that in high school like everyone else was and is these days. i did lose my virginity in a threesome*, but that’s another time for another day.

*(yes, i was the tippity top top, for those that were wondering. thirsty.)

but yeah, that hopping on the elusive ‘apps’ in order to get my life one evening is just something i can’t get with. to keep it real, i would rather fuck a twitter nigga or an instagram nigga than a jack’d nigga any day of the week. at least i can attempt to get my FBI skills on through those apps and really get a picture of the type of energy i’m dealing with. jack’d just really has always been a dark hole for me (and i’m not bashing jack’d – it’s just not my cup of tea) nor are the other ‘apps’ because i’m not the type of person that can just get his rocks off with a random anymore. that cycle normally becomes…

“get horny –> consider downloading app (only jack’d or grindr because all that other extra shit has the same niggas on it) –> get it and have it for all of 4 hours and see if anyone takes bait and gives me attention –> sets up an appointment or makes it seem like i’m trying to allure someone –> delete the app because i snap to my senses the next morning after i realize that i wasn’t ever leaving my fucking house to waste my time with a nigga from the apps”

HAVE YOU SEEN NIGGAS GET KIDNAPPED BY THESE GRINDR NIGGAS? ION WATCH THE NEWS BUT I BE HEARING THIS SHIT ON THA STREET.S. NOT I, SAID THE PUSSYCAT.

now, i know you guys are probably thinking ‘didn’t this nigga just have a boyfriend‘? ‘they didn’t have sex‘?

one – that’s none of your business.
two – that’s none of your business.
three – i’m still due some ass. or some dick. whatever i’m feeling that fucking day. and i’m going to leave it at that. 

Aries New Moon energy has hit my ass like a fucking wave. a wrecking ball if you will, right into my groin, awakening it after lying dormant for so long. it’s like my dick just started to finally re-attach to my whole body and be a thing that wants to be used for other people lmao. you know, depression medication (at least the one i’m on sadly) actually takes away your sex drive. so that + me already not being the most ~open~ person to sex all the time (i’m really the type of nigga where i gotta get to know you for some time and get close to you before i have you breathing up in my face all over me and shit and trying to kiss me…i’m the type to mush a nigga in they face and tell them to back the fuck up with the quickness…I am a Scorpio but I digress G) makes this whole journey just different & difficult for a complex motherfucka like me.

simply put, i wanna get in some guts. i don’t know about that ‘getting in my guts’ thing, but if the right nigga comes along (if you’re above 5’11” and weigh at least 190-200 pounds, you can holla at me and i’ll see if i’m feeling your vibe enough to enter the kingdom of gurry~*~**~*~*~*~~) then i mean, who fucking knows.

i’m 29-years old. i can do and say what the fuck i want.

eye want some mouf on my shit. and that’s that.

and i know you probably are sitting here reading this like ‘what is this nigga going through?’ but you know that you probably felt your loins jump at some point throughout this, because you’re overdue for a tune-up. and i just let it all hang out for once…so take it while you can get it because this powerful sexual being doesn’t show up that often. i’m merging into that person i see myself being and actually being able to enjoy those acts instead of being caught in the past. i’ve been doing a lot of cord cutting with that shit, and i refuse to let it hold me back from the shit that i actually wanna do…which is sometimes be a gutterbutt slut. xox.

but before i even dip out, i gotta just say that make sure that you have sex that is safe for you in whatever regard that means, and don’t do anything to try and make someone else feel good about what you trying to give them OR mislead them and do them dirty in ways that are irreversible. take care of yourself and your heart. a word of advice:

YEEN OWE THESE NIGGAS NUN BRUH. REMEMBER THAT TIDBIT OF INFORMATION MY G. SIMPLY PUT.

Protect your heart. Protect your energy. Get some dick. Or some pussy. Or get you a good toy pounding. Try whatever the fuck you want out. I implore you to explore right now.

And uh….yeah, if you read this and …*loses service*

Amen. Asé.

-gg

 

sticks & stones.

faggot ass nigga.

as those words were uttered today in my presence, i was taken back to a time that i didn’t even realize had such an impact on me. i immediately addressed the situation with the culprit and said culprit didn’t understand why i was so offended because it wasn’t addressed towards me. while understandable, the words themselves are enough to warrant some type of side-eye from any respectable human being. i know you don’t joke around with your friends running around calling them ‘faggot ass nigga’ on a regular basis, do you? even your good Judies? i didn’t think so. i just felt my body getting hot and my hands start to shake. i was triggered.

certain vernacular has been reclaimed to mean something to a group of people. ‘nigga’ was claimed by black people (and certain Latinxs) as a term of endearment. ‘redneck’ is something that means one thing to one community but i imagine it to be a term of endearment amongst a similar community. the ‘c’ work (cracker) is something i grew up hearing (or honkey) but i never used because i always imagined it to be a slur of some sort. no one is running around calling people that inhabit that community similar to them any of these names. where is the line drawn becomes the question when it comes to certain terms…

some people hear things and let them roll off their back. i have been that type of person before to just ignore and keep it pushing. but leaning into pushback has been a goal of mine compared to just being a backburner person. someone who lets things happen and makes no effort to change them or address them. being a leader by nature, it’s extremely important to educate and help give wisdom in whatever capacity i can. i’m not perfect and i can admit that, but know when i am wrong. i can apologize if a boundary is overstepped. these things aren’t taught properly to everyone though. it takes patience, work, and consistent openness and conversation to happen. everyone is not mature enough to receive that type of wisdom at all times, and this is what tends to cause friction.

triggers are real. hearing those words took me back to the 5th grade. her name was hazel. i remember her going around telling people that i was gay and all of these things. now, in the 5th grade i am pretty sure i liked a girl so for that rumor to spread and then for me to not know what it means but know that it sounds like it has a negative connotation to it? and then don’t get me started on my family pulling guns out on me after finding (snooping) a bit of my sexuality out…yeah, that really hit home for me and i didn’t realize until i was able to dig deeper into my conscience and figure out why i felt the way i did any time those words were uttered. i know that the words need not be used anyway but the turmoil that it takes me to – a time where i felt unloved, unsafe, confused, hurt…that doesn’t go away automatically.

when you do your shadow work, you’re able to stand adversity in the face and it can rile you up. that’s okay. we are not perfect people. it’s about how you handle the situation in the moment. anyone can catch these spiritual hands; don’t get it twisted. and you can also catch a tongue lashing if necessary. shadow work is important because it helps you to get to the root of any issues and why you may act the way you do. being able to understand this a bit better, maneuver around it best i can, and push on?…it has taken years. but i am a work in progress every day… aren’t we all?

it’s important to keep it cute or put it on mute. what works for you and your people is cool, but that don’t work for everyone. this is a PSA to anyone reading to learn how to stay in your own lane. you know what that looks like. you know who that is supposed to be around. be sensitive to those around you. get to know their triggers. their trauma if they’re willing to share. it helps you to help them and that karmic rule is golden. that law of the Lord is golden. do unto others as you would have them do unto you. therefore, lead with love, and even when things are not giving you the love you deserve back, drop it. it’s not worth the energy. the time. the emotions you put into it. especially when it’s something that truly is a game changer for your spirit.

stand your ground in april. find your tribe. love yourself and your neighbor. teach compassion. but also, teach that you don’t take shit. boundaried UP is the way to be. this is the only way you can survive the triggers of the world. a year or two ago, a resopnse to something like that would have been different. this year however, …this lifetime….yeah. it’s all about that action, like i said. are you ridng?

amen. asé.

-gg

midnight oil. [accelerated motion]

gratitude.

gratefulness.

compassion.

These were the words that were ringing in my head this week. the winds of change have been flowing through our lives like no other, and now we have come to the end of Mercury Retrograde which is exciting. Even though we have to consider the shadow period after the end of the Retrograde, it feels like there are some people that are waiting to mash the pedal in the driver’s seat of their car, ready to go. Fire, love, and passion are what seems to be resonating in the air right now. Even through hardships that we may have encountered recently, we have still been able to see some sort of light in some respect at the end of it all. Gratitude. The practice of being present is a constant act that one has to follow and dedicate themselves to – I have said this time and time again, and we are here to connect on a higher level.

This week, I’ve had the opportunity to step outside of my comfort zone a lot more in a manner that I wasn’t necessarily expecting. I’ve done things that weren’t necessarily what I anticipated having to do. From jury duty to covering ISS one day this week to basically being a babysitter to mentoring kids and their relationship woes, I’ve endured a lot of victories that I can sit back and reflect on. Consistent action is what I feel has been the catalyst this whole time when it comes to well-being. It just has to be the right type of action that you need to uncover that lights your fire, and when you get there, you’re pretty much set. Then, you officially have the blueprint in regards to where you are headed because of the self-activated actions that are put behind your badass. Gratefulness.

As this is happening, I have given myself the most love possible. I’ve been surrounding myself with people who help ‘fill my bucket’ as they say. And I fill theirs. I’ve been having profound conversations with a variety of people. I’ve been able to minister in ways that I didn’t even anticipate being able to do, or ever saw myself doing. This is all I’ve ever wanted out of life and the gratitude that I feel being of service to others is unexplainable. It also helps me to get through my reality in a way that I truly feel present and also give myself that compassion to keep going and follow my heart. A lot of the time, those voices that I hear inside my head aren’t mine. They’re the voices of people that have said things to me in life that stuck, and they came from people that I trusted and loved in a way that I took their word as bond. That narrative would begin to replay in my head for quite some time, and I realized that those destructive timelines only play themselves out into self-sabotage. Taking a moment to love on myself and catch myself as best as I can any time I feel like I’m stepping into a territory of feelings that doesn’t need to be given too much energy is a task. But it’s a task that I welcome on and heal myself in the process.

You’re moving fast in life right now. Things are about to pick up. The winds are blowing. The oceans are moving. Will you survive and thrive, or will you fall by the wayside? The choice is yours. There’s accelerated motion in your DNA right now towards your goals. Put some time aside to make them real. And take care of your heart. You deserve you, and we deserve you too.

Amen. Asé.

-gg

rule the world.

have you taken responsibility for your own healing? have you sat down and done the work to figure out what it takes in order for you to start clearing out that shit that really is deep down inside of you? have you even acknowledged that your healing needs to begin? have you noticed what triggers you and why, and how you can sidestep through those emotions?

i feel like these are themes and questions that have been coming up for me a lot lately and i have been answering them in a variety of ways lately. digging into the root of why i experience emotional rollercoasters throughout any given day is such a process, and i don’t question it anymore. it’s interesting to grow up and TRULY recognize the growth that you have made. we all go through different processes and life experiences that shape who we eventually become as humans. some are more privileged than others in different ways, but we all are here on earth connecting as one for some reason. the universe does its job in regards to bringing folks into our lives that help us to work through our shit, and it’s our job to recognize that as such when it happens. the only way that you’re going to be able to do that is when you stop and be present with what’s going on around you. that intuition and connection to your heart is important, mawma.

i confess. i’m someone who doesn’t like to be present a lot of the time. i’ve said in therapy before that i feel like my mind feels like a board that just pings and lights up different bulbs bit by bit because of the stream of thought or consciousness i carry at times. i tend to overthink situations and sometimes cause myself to freak out. it’s never intentional – it’s something i have battled with for years but now i can acknowledge that it’s a real thing. before, i used to numb that mindset with alcohol because it overwhelmed me. that’s not to say that it doesn’t overwhelm me now, but i’m learning how to cope with that. it’s also something huge to have to cope with that and then be a person in the world, trying to maintain some semblance of clarity and grounding when the world around you doesn’t actually respect or get it fully (especially in the workforce). i cannot begin to explain how many times i have beat myself up for owning my truth when it comes to my mental illnesses and personal situations. i’ve had to come to the realization that i am not damaged and whatever i am experiencing doesn’t make me (or you) less of a person. anyone that refuses to understand that or at least give you your flowers for transmuting that pain from out your spirit and dealing with your reality everyday doesn’t deserve your beauty and your light in their lives. as i write this, i heal myself and hope to heal you because you deserve to be given your just desserts.

you are perfectly fine the way that you are, but we are always due for an upgrade. let’s be real. look at any cell phone. there’s always a new model coming out because it has to keep up with the world and what’s around it. there’s a way to keep up with the world without getting sucked into it. that’s called fortifying yourself in the sense of who you are, and allowing that shit to ride without fucking apologizing for anything that you’re doing. no one is allowed to dictate your reality, and no one has shared your lived experience like you have. you know what it takes for you to 1) evolve and 2) have the desire to evolve. the first step begins with you wanting that for yourself and acknowledging this…and this is where most people falter. stop. think. breathe. assess. recognize.

i used to find it frustrating when people would complain about something or repetitively make the same “mistake”, but not put forth any effort into making change. excuses and apologies become tiring when there’s no true action being put behind the actual factual reason for change. but then i began to realize that everyone’s healing journey is unique, and leading with love is the only way that we can allow ourselves to heal. every lesson that is brought to you is brought with love, whether you recognize it as such or not. i lean in to love now in whatever way it looks like on any given day because that’s how i bring my best self to this world. i share my truth. i listen to my body. i value my peace. i encourage you to look inside yourself and find those things that help ground you also. whether that be singing, dancing, talking shit with your girls, writing, whatever it is…it’s our job to just be authentic in all our interactions and moves in life. without this truth, no one is going to be able to grow or want to grow. lead.

people idolize celebrities because of what they see they have. they don’t know the story behind what it took to get there. why are we not idolizing the emotional maturity of people or the desire for people to dissolve their trauma and share their journey? we should be ushering in the spirit of love and safety because that’s the type of world that i want to live in.

but we don’t. and that’s why i escape being present a lot. but then i realize…bitch, even if everyone else isn’t moving the way you are, that doesn’t mean that you gotta move like them. your journey is for you, and you do what you do when you can do it. i’m owning being the star of my own show. i’m owning being the protagonist to the story. no matter what dirty shit has to be aired out or discussed, that’s me owning my truth. and i have no shame in doing such anymore. i’m too old to hold onto outdated thought patterns, and so are you. take ownerhsip of your healing and your growth. rule the world.

i still have things to clear out and situations to get rid of. i still have things i want to accomplish and need space, time, and solidarity to get through it. i still have people that i know need to exit my life, and have lovingly released them and cut those cords as i see fit. freedom is my birthright, and Spirit has allowed me to seek it in my own regards with God’s hand guiding me. with this, i implore you to take time this week to allow your heartache to excite you as you release it. let it out. give thanks to those that have protected you. your road to riches is laying right in front of you…are you ready to walk on that path? you don’t have to do it alone – i’m here too.

i love you.

amen. asé.

-gg