Before I hop into this post, I just want to shout out Brendon Burchard again for his book. It literally gives me so much to reflect on daily and I’m grateful that I have been taking time to really take days (read: months) to get through it because there’s so much good stuff in it. Today, my job cancelled school because of the recent tragedy we all experienced, and it has given me some time to focus on myself more than normal. The energy of the New Moon also forced me to get out of my house and actually try and write and do the work that I’ve been asking myself to do for a while now. I realize that because I’m always stuck with working consistently, I lack energy because I give so much of it to people on a daily basis and even though I enjoy being an assistance to people, these aren’t always the easiest people to deal with and they don’t (read: students) don’t know how to give back properly and fill me up the way I need in life right now. I’m good at filling them up, but I leave empty regularly. I also just run around like a chicken with my head cut off, which is NOT how I operate. A girl needs time to recuperate, relax, and rejuvenate. This is why I have had the last four days off, and they honestly have been perfect (even though I would sleep a bit more, but it’s cool). I’ve had time to chill. I’ve had time to see friends. I’ve had time to talk on the phone with friends. I’ve had time to READ BOOKS. I’ve had time to manifest things I want. I’ve had time to connect with self. It’s been great.
Where I’ve gotten to in the book is in regards to writing out your own manifesto. Now, there are a lot of questions that it asks you to dive into, and I took some time today to dive into those questions. Now, normally, I would just share the questions with you all, but honestly…because of the space I am in my life right now, I am doing myself a solid and actually going above and beyond to share my thoughts with you all because…I can’t sit on these thoughts and not do anything with them. Therefore, in light of the New moon, new beginnings, and my desire to be a light and a guide for others…I’m going to share the questions with you all as well as the answers I created. Please feel free to just read the questions and ask them to yourself, and if you have the time, read the responses I gave to myself. This is me bearing my soul to you all, the world, and myself and …this is the first step towards my personal freedom I feel like in a larger sense. So here we go.
Setting a direction:
What will our mission be from this moment forward?
My mission from this point forward is to make sure that I am following what my intuition tells me. I want to make sure that I am fulfilling whatever Spirit leads me to do, and not being resistant towards what I feel like “doesn’t align” or “doesn’t make others happy” and my mission is to follow my gut and what I know is going to make me happy. My mission is to focus on what truly resonates with my spirit and do work that makes me happy internally, while touching others along the way. Our mission, with God and Spirit, is to lead the way to allow others what to understand what it means to be vulnerable and use those vulnerabilities not as points of weakness, but to actually appreciate them and use those as what will help us to push forward towards what we truly deserve as human beings and forge this level of connection.
What will be our plan of action?
Our plan of action is putting myself out there even more than I ever have before. I’ve been resistant to sometimes hopping in front of camera or being on podcasts only because I get nervous doing it alone. I have to get rid of those worries because at the end of the day, I know what I possess and what I was instilled with at birth is just coming to the forefront even harder than it has before. Like, I already have a name for the show that I want to create and I know it’ll be something people will catch onto and love. I have to trust that what I have been given is a gift, and it is my purpose in life to expose, utilize, and manifest that gift towards greatness. I have to make sure that I am intentional in the writing that I am doing, making sure that I continually try and share it with others. I have to make sure that I am honest in all conversations, and also making sure that I’m sticking to my true self when making these things happen. It all starts with me taking the leap and leaving things behind that I feel like don’t align with what my true desires are and dreams are, even if I feel like they may hurt others because they don’t see what I see. And that’s okay. Everyone’s not made to be taken along for the ride, and if they’re not, that means it’s made for me to separate from them because my journey right now is solely focus on my own personal growth and my own personal happiness and true joy through God and Spirit.
What steps must be taken?
- Get out of my own head.
- Not necessarily ‘ignore’ what others have to say, but filter the things that serve me and what doesn’t serve me so that way, I can choose what actually fills me instead of depletes me.
- Set up some sort of relationships with others that truly want to see my success come to life, and there are plenty. I have to trust that reaching out to them and actually being vulnerable enough to ask for help is part of the key in order to see the life I want to live come to to the forefront.
- Do the work that comes with finding opportunities that align with what I want to do wholeheartedly. I have to try different things out, and I can’t be scared to try these things out either. I have to stop allowing my level of wanting to be comfortable to dictate what I do and don’t do because I’m scared of what the outcome will be.
- Be stern and be focused in what is for me without allowing others to derail my success: I’m in control of what I allow to come my way and what I filter out of my brain, and I have to start to fill myself with love, kindness, and joy instead of allowing things that trigger me to do such. It won’t always be perfect, but at the same time, I know that it can be accomplished through constant practice.
What am I really after in life?
I’m really after serving others of different backgrounds, different upbringings, different stages in life. I want to heal people as I heal myself. The beauty of human connection is that all of our experiences are different, and there are ways to be able to learn from one another that we may not see on the surface because we are not willing to be vulnerable enough to do such. I also want to travel so much more. I want to be sponsored to travel and take on the job of writing about the energies I feel in different spaces and why they have allowed me to feel stronger about the person that I am. I want to be able to move around and not feel like I’m tied down. I want to feel the mixture of structure, but also feeling the discipline to be my own boss and make decisions for myself without having others feel like they have to make those decisions for me. I’m after healing not just myself in life, but others along the way with my level of vulnerability, giving them a launching pad to dig deeper into themselves and actually do the work that is necessary to bring them to their true level of happiness and joy that isn’t laced in complacency. Complacency is the work of the “devil” and I use the term “devil” loosely because it’s the idea that the lifestyle that breeds comfortability and an inability to grow or see outside your general view of life. This is not what we were put on earth for, and I want to create a space and be in the driver’s seat on what that looks like and how awakening to self is what truly brings happiness and truth to one’s life and brings a level of authenticity instead of functioning at a lower plane of being distracted by the bullshit that we see going on in our world on a daily basis.
What do I truly want to create and contribute?
I want to create a television show that meets the idea of a podcast that discusses the topics that people are scared to jump into: trauma, being taken advantage of, duplicity in spirituality and it not being one-sided, love and how multi-faceted it can be aside from what others may believe that it is, – something that will have people reflect and actually think about where they are and how they can dig deeper inside themselves to determine whether or not the person that they show up as daily is actually who they are, and help them to assess the mirror reflections of the people they have in their lives and decipher whether or not those relationships are truly the people that deserve to be a part of their space, or if they need reupholstering towards fixing what is meant to be in their lives and what isn’t.
What kind of person do I want to show the world each day?
I want to show the world that I am light daily. I want to show the world love daily. I want to show the world that I am a real ass bitch, a sensitive ass bitch, an emotional ass bitch, but a loving, truthful, compassionate, bold, risk-taking, ‘no nonsense’ type of nigga. I want to show that I truly care about us as humans and how we all interact with one another and move towards us being able to love one another – even those that we may not gel with completely. And learning that there’s a way to be able to lovingly let go of people that don’t serve you, and willingly allow people that do serve you in the sense of fulfilling you to allow themselves to come closer with honesty. And then also show that those that can’t value your true honesty and refuse to listen to such aren’t people that actually have your best interest at heart and are vampires, trying to take away your light and show that even though people may try this with me, I want to show the world that I am light, I am an angel put on this Earth to lead people towards their own light, and that I’m meant to be here on this planet to help bring us closer as a human race, little by little. Rome wasn’t built in a day. But I want to show that even though I am not someone who ticks off all the stereotypical check marks of a certain ‘type’ of person, I’m someone who is a unicorn that was placed on this earth to bring realness, bring joy, bring love, and bring reality to the every day life of the people I encounter.
What types of persons shall I love and enjoy life with?
I shall enjoy life with and love people who are willing to make true changes. I will enjoy life with people who want to actually enjoy every moment of life and what it has to offer, ups and downs, through the tornadoes, even when they experience anxiety, depression, other mental illnesses, and other feelings that may make them feel less than. I want to help build each other up, and create a strong network of love, support, spiritual connection, and honesty with others that transcends the surface level of just ‘being there for one another’. It takes so much more to be present in a person’s life, and I want to share my life with those that are willing to do the same thing, as I still navigate my way through doing the same thing and giving myself kindness and grace to do such.
What great cause will keep me going when I feel weak or distracted?
I will remember that at the end of the day, I am here for a reason. Ever since I was young, I have always thought that I was put on this planet for a reason. Even though I may be gay, even though I may be Black or Afrolatinx, even though I may be one of those intellectuals, even though I may be one of those ‘blerds’ with the things that I’m into…I’m still human. And my human experience is meant to be valued, just as anyone else’s is.
What shall be my ultimate legacy?
My ultimate legacy is that I want people to remember me, Gary, for being that person that you could always rely on to lift your spirits. But I also want people to remember me for knowing when to set boundaries when their trauma and their drama tried to drop me down to a level that wasn’t transcending this earthly plane. I want people to remember me for being so connected to myself and doing the self work that is necessary to be a strong man that no one can ever question my intentions or my integrity. I want to be remembered for being a personality and a speaker that incites change, incites compassion, and excites others to be in the same space as him, even when I am experiencing my social anxieties and worries. I still refuse to lose the essence of self, and I want people to remember that no matter where I am, what language I may use, who I may speak to, that I had the best interest of myself first in order to help support the interests of others that are willing to make the steps and the changes, and I’m still vulnerable enough to know that every day is a new opportunity to learn. I’m growing and expanding every day, and I want that to be the truth that people see. I want to be remembered as someone who may not be your typical ‘social commentator’, but someone who had a voice in this world that made people stop, think, reassess where they were, and actually try to better themselves. No one is doing that type of work right now the way that I do it, and I will be the first real ass motherfucker to come across spreading love, light, thug shit, and a truth that is filled with compassion through my writing, my appearances on shows, my voice being heard via various mediums, and just emulating the bad bitch that I’ve always thought myself to be, but scared to actually be.
What steps must I take to begin and sustain these efforts?
I have to start putting my efforts into trying to get a video show running. I have to get my audition video for these TV shows up – I am so obsessed with them and have just been fearful of getting them done. I want to still model and take photographs – I’m not a size 28 in pants anymore. I’m not really a size small in shirts. I have eczema. But I have to remember that my imperfections are what make me memorable. I also can still take care of my body the way that I want to, on my own terms, and stop allowing the appearances of others and others’ successes to dictate whether or not I am successful the way I want to be; I know I am successful the way I am now, and I have to heighten that level of appreciation for self. I have to get out of my own head and allow the things that truly hold me back from my own greatness to not affect me in any way. This is the first step.
Afterwards, I have to enlist the assistance of others who are willing to hear me out and help me and help guide me towards the path that I want to go down, and do the work it takes in order to get to the place I want to be. I know that I can’t do this alone, and I have to open up to allow others to want to assist me in that process. There are many people that do, and I need to be more intentional about allowing those others to be a part of my life, setting those times up to meet with them, and stop being afraid to own my greatness.
I also have to remember that I am an introvert, and I can’t overwhelm myself with actions because if I do, I will fall out of love with everything that I’m doing and feel like I’m not actually moving towards the place that I want to. I have to be intentional in my steps, and take them piece by piece and not fight with myself when I feel like I’m not “doing enough” daily. What I am able to give daily is my best, and I have to start giving daily instead of being complacent with where I am. Okay, maybe not daily, but a hell of a lot more than what I’m doing now. And when it gets to a place that I am able to function without the current job I’m in/move out of a place that literally drains my soul (that’s the first job), I’ll be able to do more with what I truly see myself doing. And give myself time to allow that to happen. I truly am drained by this job on a regular basis and haven’t had time to heal from all the traumas I have experienced. The good old saying is, “You can’t heal in the place you got sick in.” And I got extremely sick last year, and I’m sick of it already this year for a variety of reason.
What will I orient my days to accomplishing this week? Month? Year?
I have to write more in my journal. I have to write more in my blog. I have to apply for these TV shows I want to be on (Survivor, Big Brother – even if I get rejected, the action is more important). I have to try and create a YouTube channel or re-do a podcast and come up with the concept completely and have a business plan for it. I have to connect with others. These are all the ideas, and I don’t like to give myself a timeline for things because a lot of the time, I overwhelm myself with this. The idea of just knowing that there are things to accomplish, continually seeing them daily, and then letting the Spirit guide me when it’s time to make a move is how I plan to orient myself to making these changes happen. Days turn into months, that turn into years.
Also, bitches gotta make money. I’m getting run ragged at a job where I am not getting paid my worth. And money is the root of all evil as we know, but I still have a lifestyle to uphold to a ‘certain’ extent, and I have to be willing to do whatever it takes to get me to that place that I don’t feel anxious around spending money. A bitch wants to travel. A bitch wants to see the world. I’m almost 29, and I deserve to experience life to the fullest at this point now, more than ever before. Every day is another blessed day to have another beautiful experience, and I refuse to let life continue to pass me by without making something of it that actually fulfills my spirit.
I hope that these questions and this post helps you to tap inside yourself and see a little bit more of me. I encourage you to write your manifesto out. Give yourself that time and space today. You deserve it.