Serenity.

When I first wrote this word as the title of this post, I automatically thought of Sailor Moon. For those of you that don’t know, I’m a huge Sailor Moon fan. She is like the pinnacle of me first knowing I was gay to be quite honest, because I used to run home from school everyday to catch her and all of my girls on TV and get enthralled in their stories. (Just so it’s out there/if you’re a fan of the show, I stan Sailor Venus/Sailor Venus is me). It just amazed me to see them transform from simple school girls into warriors, there to save the Earth from damage and harm. Even though at times they seemed ‘weak’ in the typical eye of what a ‘superhero’ is supposed to be (what the hell was that ‘Mercury Bubbles Blast’?!?!?! Why were they always getting dusted by the Black Moon Clan?? Don’t even get me started on Sailor Stars – Sailor Galaxia jacked all them UP!!!!!), they still represented and fought against all that was wrong in the world, and I can’t say that they haven’t inspired me in some ways to be the person that I am today. A bitch be out here fighting evil by moonlight, and winning love by daylight. #yesimridiculous

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Anyways, Princess Serenity (for all you people who don’t know about/watch Sailor Moon – shame on you, Lindsie) is the prior reincarnation of Sailor Moon in the MoonKingdom, before all hell broke loose in the Moon Kingdom. Serenity (Serena/Usagi in her Earth form) was fascinated by the Earth (I don’t know how she would feel about Earth present day in regards to all the crazy shit that is happening in our world) and decided to travel to Earth against her mother’s wishes and met a man who she fell in love with, Prince Endymion (who is reincarnated as Mamoru/Darien (Japanese/English version). Long story short, some shit goes down in the Moon Kingdom during this time, and Prince Endymion dies saving Princess Serenity. Ridden with grief and guilt, Princess Serenity commits suicide in order to be with her man (I’m assuming this, I’m not sure if this was confirmed for sure because I ain’t read the manga, I just watched the show in its entirety 3000 times but I mean…the love of your life is gone and we have seen people in life die shortly after their loved ones/partners pass on to the afterlife). Her mother, Queen Serenity, then used the Silver Crystal to reincarnate her daughter, her lover, and all of the rest of the Sailor Senshi to have another chance at life on Earth. This was the ultimate sacrifice, as she then lost her own life because she chose to use the Silver (Moon) Crystal and its energy in order for others to have another chance at life. This is how the series begins, if I’m not mistaken. I could be wrong, it’s been a little while since I’ve watched the show, but this is why Serena/Usagi is on Earth and finally develops her powers and finds her tribe once again, and is always protecting that damn crystal in her locket. It’s what gives her life and allows her to be the light for others and take out the darkness in the bad guys.

Now, that has absolutely nothing, but something to do with what I wanted to get out in today’s post and the topic of ‘serenity’. Serenity is defined as “the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled“. I believe Princess and Queen Serenity received their name because their soul mission was to have peace in the Moon Kingdom, and then on planet Earth. I have been legitimately been searching for serenity for quite some time, and I’m going to tell you that that shit is not easy. It’s a choice to be serene. It’s a choice to be calm. It’s a choice to be peaceful and untroubled. It’s a choice MOMENT to MOMENT to be that way. And I haven’t been failing at it per se, but I have been feeling so many moments as of late that have been ramping my anxiety up, or sending me into overdrive.

I bring this word up and this topic up because of a reading I came across yesterday, and it being reaffirmed in a conversation I had later on in the day. I don’t want to share where the reading comes from, but some people may know/you can Google it if you so choose. Basically, the idea comes from the serenity prayer that we all know:

God [being able to] grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference.

As of late, I can’t tell you how many times I have said this prayer, or even heard it. Yesterday, I really had to sit and think about what it means to be ‘serene’. To me, it means that you are calm. You’re unfazed by things, and you choose to be peaceful. I also believe it means that you have the courage to change the things and leave the spaces that don’t make you peaceful and take away your joy. That takes a whole lot of work, and a lot of assessment. The more that I realize I’m working towards this place of  true ‘serenity’, the more I realize that I truly have to manifest the power to just block out what does not serve me, and know the difference between what brings me peace and what doesn’t. We all don’t owe anyone anything when it comes to our version of perfect peace.

The book I read said that serenity seemed like an impossible goal when first seeing/hearing that prayer. I had to take a second to rethink what I thought the word ‘serene’ meant. I’ve always attributed it to just being chill, and not letting things bother you. Isn’t that a state of life that you always want to be in? Don’t you want to just be even keeled and not bothered by things all the time – even the slightest inconveniences? That takes practice, and consistent checking in with yourself in order to be in that state. That’s not always easy, and not always doable because let’s be real – we all have triggers. Whether it’s something as small as someone not remembering your name or who you are after you met them several times and engaged with them (p e t t y), or someone violating your personal space in a way that makes you uncomfortable that brings up past feelings that don’t make you feel good. It moves you out of this place of being calm, and makes you want to turn up real fast. TRUST – I am learning how to change the process of thought I go through of negative self talk, overthinking, and worrying in order to just be ‘serene’ and find that state of calm that I so deeply desire.

Serenity is plain recognition. It’s basically a realistic way of seeing what’s going on in front of us, accompanied with inner peace and strength. It’s like something that stabilizes us and lets us keep our balance no matter what turbulence swirls around us. That is a state of mind that is worth aiming for on a regular basis. Without it, what are we? We tend to be angry. We tend to be worrisome.

What if we just flip the script and start positively affirming things?

I’m worried about getting this job. —> “Yes, I’ll get this job, but if I don’t get it, something else will be out there for me that suits me.”

He really grinds my gears when he talks to me like that because he don’t know me like that. —> “I find it bothersome when people address me in this manner, but I’m not going to choose to latch onto those negative feelings right now, because I’m vibrating higher than that.”

His energy is throwing me off right now and it’s making me feel uncomfortable. –> “You know, it’s getting late and I just need to get home right now because something just made me feel a little off and I just need some space to quiet my mind.”

I’m tired of spending money on bills!!!!! I can’t ever keep any money! —> “I’m grateful and blessed that I have finances to be able to pay what I can, and whatever I can’t pay will get paid when I have the ability to. I can’t stress myself out with what I don’t have, and I still have to live. Worrying about them going to collections isn’t going to stop it right now from happening – I’ll do the best I can when I can and I will be provided with the funds eventually to make this up because I have faith everything will be alright.” (CHYLE, adult life is no joke!)

And a personal one for you I deal with…

My sobriety makes me feel so lonely because the sober people I know, I don’t really mesh with all that well all the time and I can’t be in spaces all the time where drinking and drugs are happening around me, so I feel isolated and like I can’t have fun anymore. —> “I’m grateful that I’m able to wake up tomorrow with a clear mind, and I can always see my friends in a different capacity where that’s not going to serve as a trigger for me and make me feel unhappy or like I’m missing out. I choose this peace and clarity of mind for my own wellness, and that’s okay. I would rather this than cloud myself with things that may cause me regret tomorrow. I’ll just spend my time doing something else.”

Choosing serenity isn’t easy everyday. It really is a daily practice to try and be serene. Your work will get done. You’ll get to see your friends. You will have chances to enjoy life on your own terms. You won’t allow others’ actions to trigger you to a point of no return. You have the power to choose to be peaceful, calm, and evenly centered. You are allowed to have sun in your life daily, even if there isn’t sun outside. Even in depression, which I suffer from, I know that it’s even more difficult for us that battle with that to find the positive in things. It truly is an act of kindness and self-love in order to try and do the best that you can everyday.

It may be messy.

It won’t be perfect.

But giving it a try is better than shrugging it off.

Now, go out there and be like Serenity. Not the killing yourself part, but choosing to allow peace to be your primary concern. I’m working on it myself, and you can too. Take some time to figure out how you can bring serenity into your life more on a daily basis, and practice reframing your thinking towards your benefit. The more you do that, the more you will see the changes manifest themselves, and the happier you have the potential to be.

Amen. Asé.

-gg