excavation.

the art of letting go…why is it so much more difficult than what we give it credit for? fear is sometimes so paralyzing that it hinders us from actually getting and acquiring what we deserve. it stops us from moving forward down the path that we know is correct. i know for me, if fear wasn’t a factor?…i would not be in the same space at this very moment in time if i could just tell fear to move out the way.

the thing is…we have to learn to dance with our fears in order to allow them to pass us off towards our dreams. we have to confront those things that scare us the most because most of the time, they mainly are the things we need in order to be more in sync with what is important for us to grow and actually acquire what is written for us. even if we go ahead, face fears and confront them and don’t get the result we were hoping for, that’s still okay…because there’s a lesson within that. i have heard this SO MANY TIMES but to actually live it, breathe it, and follow through with it? sis. you’re trying the doll.

i’ve touched on fear in previous posts before, but this time i want to acknowledge the importance of my own personal fears and what i am working on to get over. and the mental effort it takes. it’s a practice. a continual practice. it’s a level of vulnerability you have to possess in order to loose yourself from what worries you. the reason being every single piece of the wall has to come down brick by brick.

my therapists are getting good money because the quote one gave me has been sticking with me. i realize a lot of times that i am so impatient and quick to want change to transpire. but don’t we all? it’s the consistent effort towards lowering the wall that allows you to get closer to what is needed for your success. this comes in relationships, jobs, dreams, you name it. every time you acknowledge what boundary you have created in your mind exists, it is your job to remove that brick. a lot of the work i’ve been doing is around those core beliefs that we have, and the branches from the tree of said core belief that jack us up. i’m working on (and encouraging you) to look at what the trunk of the tree is saying and rooted in, and why the branches exist. try and cut down each of those branches bit by bit, day by day in order to get closer to the root of the issue and remove the tree from the soil that is your negative mindset.

when i did this exercise, one of the core beliefs i had derived from this:

“I desire to be perfect.”

perfection in my eyes has always been defined as life is together, job is together, mental health is together, financially thriving, moving up the work ladder, and friendships and social life is intact, without anyone batting an eye at what you are doing and you are assumed to be having a good time (and actually are having a good time with life), with no complaints. People can see you and you’re always giving your best and beyond, and you can be relied on in a pinch for anyone at any time. I wanted to have that be my life because I never want people to question my worth. I never wanted people to question if I could handle something because I’m always the one people could come to for anything. And that would be what made me think I was “doing the right thing”.

I had to realize how unrealistic that was, and how toxic of a belief that was. I can’t be there for everyone always. I have to be there for myself. every day I have struggles sometimes just to get out of bed. I constantly wake up sometimes with nausea because my anxiety is so bad. The medication doesn’t even help me anymore. Meditating doesn’t work all the time as much as I may try it because I can’t quiet my thoughts or sit still long enough to focus on what’s going on in my spirit. My mind is racing constantly about all of the things I need to do, how I feel, the little bits and pieces of life that are affecting my mind…etc. And…I have to realize how okay that is. I am learning to lovingly acknowledge that, treat myself with care, and put myself first in a way that I never really did growing up. That idea of perfection is so subjective, and as long as I am perfect for myself, I’m good. And not even perfect…as long as I’m good, I’m good. I’m not there yet, but I’m slowly but surely getting there, and any effort I can put forward is better than before.

I always believed by now, certain things would be in place, but the journey of life leads you down different paths so that way you can appreciate the growth it took to get to what you wanted. I mean, if you didn’t work for it, you don’t appreciate it as much. I have a lot of work to do still on self, beliefs, and also just finding myself and the truth as to what I am here to do. yes, i’m smart. yes, i’m able to be on tv if i want to be. yes, i can be a best-selling author. yes, i can be a trained healer. I also need to remember to not be lazy and with the same fervor I had when I was an academic seek out the opportunities that are going to be pleasing towards my soul and allow me the space to expand the way I need. my life is about expansion currently, and I want to continue on with that. My well-being is most important, and I also want to make that a priority.

as Michelle from Auric, someone I had the honor of getting a bit of coaching by said on her Twitter (you should totally get services done by her!!!!):

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I will be successful and happy by being who I am, not giving a shit what others have to say about my performance, my being, my status, and what I bring to the table. I remember that I am a magical being that is here for a reason and will continue to not strive for perfection but strive for goodness. Fear is not here to hold me back but push me forward.

you should do the same.

Amen. Asé.

-gg

a ticket to the gun show.

how does it feel when you have regained authority over your life? 

you know what i’m talking about. when you had to experience dealing with a situation that you knew was bringing you so much stress and strife, and you had the strength to let it go.

when you allowed someone to speak to you or bother you with their nonsense, and you finally were able to speak up and explain how you didn’t want that energy to enter your aura field.

when you finally took ownership of something that had been holding you hostage for so long, and were able to see the light and remember that you got it all in control.

isn’t that feeling invigorating? isn’t that feeling life-changing? does it remind you who you are and what power you possess when you authentically act from a place of truth?

we struggle so much with taking authority for things in our lives or in certain spaces because we at times, we worry how the results may end up. we worry that someone may take offense to our belief, or that our point of view won’t be valued. if i have learned anything recently, i’ve learned that owning your authority is one of the most powerful gifts that you possess – it’s more or less whether or not you choose to own it.

we were given the power to decide what is right for us at all times. a job. a relationship. what we want to eat for dinner. is that the wig i want to throw on today? girl, these pants is tight…do we really want to throw those on? all of these decisions allow us to exert our authority if we think about it.

as authority is described as ‘the right to give orders, make decisions, and enforce obedience’, i ask you to think about the last time that you were able to assert your authority for your own highest good. remember that your assertion of authority is not always going to gel with what someone else has in store for you. our lived experiences and our daily narratives do not always intertwine with others around us. how we may need to be filled that day, metaphorically speaking, may not be how your neighbor needs to be filled. what you may need out of a situation is not what your neighbor may need. but that shouldn’t push you to shy away from demanding what is yours.

spiritually, we have the authority to give thanks to whatever being and source we see fit. you have been given the graciousness to wake up again and choose how you want to be. you get to decide how you want to appear daily. sometimes, you get to decide your tasks for the day. you get the opportunity to be thankful for what may not have been there before. hell, you may be able to even give thanks for your authority.

finding your voice and owning it isn’t an easy feat. it truly isn’t. a lot of times, we allow the negative self-talk or the traumatic experiences we may have endured while speaking our truth to derail us. there are many people out there who attempt to dead what we believe in when it comes to owning our own personal strength. well, let me sit here to remind you that what’s yours is yours. what is made for you is made for you. putting your foot down for your own cause is one of the most powerful things you can do in your human body. it also delights your ancestors and your spiritual guides when you stand firm in what’s important to you.

the biggest thief of authority is fear. we get scared as to how it will be received. will our thought pattern be knocked down? will ownership of our truth cause friction with others?

well…do the ends justify the means is the question i want to pose to you. would you rather be happy, free, and honest by saying what the hell you have to say and doing what the hell you need to do, or continue to feel trapped because of a projection of someone else’s belief? that’s a choice you have to decide on your own.

take some time to own your authority today in some way. define what that is for you, and where you lack authority in your own life. i know personally, i’m working on gaining the authority over my daily choice of living and what i do with my time career-wise. i’m in the process of regaining authority over my daily life and daily choices. that isn’t a one-time fix – issa process my G.

so keep in mind that this isn’t all going to be automatically fixed overnight. sometimes it might, but most times, it’s like building a muscle and strengthening it so that way it’s seen when you walk around. no one will question a bodybuilder if they can lift something that looks heavy. it’s just seen because it’s obvious based on the way they carry themselves. carry yourself with the strength of authority today, claiming what is truly meant to be for you. i know you’ll feel even more empowered as a person when you do such.

i send so much love & light to you on today, and encourage you to flex that muscle for someone that didn’t even know you had it. shake a bitch today.

amen. asé.

-gg

identity crisis

freeform. spilling what exists from the brain. what expels. why do we fear letting go of what we have inside of us? why do we fear being able to speak to others about our truth?

i can get the idea of being worried what other people think. but do those niggas really  matter in the grand scheme of things? most of us were born into this world alone, and the majority of us will die alone. why do we get so wrapped up in things and ideologies that will not serve us in any way, shape or form? i think a lot of the time, we have been conditioned by our forefathers and those that came before us to believe that there is no reason for us to do what we want because of the judgment of others. we have been accustomed to believing that what we do will be misunderstood, doesn’t serve the greater good, etc. and that’s the bullshit that we need to move away from as a human race. we deserve better for our spirits and our mindsets, and i’ll be the first to tell you. there is so much we have to offer but it’s silenced because we allow others to dictate what we should be doing.

i spent a whole lifetime being concerned about what other people had to say and lemme tell you, trying to disassociate that side of yourself that isn’t you to the side that actually wants to be you is sort of an identity crisis. it’s super necessary that you take the time back to accept who you are, where you are, what your dreams are, and don’t let anyone stop you from actually achieving them. there’s a fire in your belly, a greatness inside you that is unique to you.

we all were put on this earth with purpose. remind yourself that you are a chosen one. you were chosen to be here for a reason. and you were chosen to change your environment for a reason. we are so good at sleeping on our god given talents that we allow plebeians to derail our growth. i’ll be the first to tell you “bitch, not today”.

you are truly destined for greatness. if your mother never told you that. if your friends never told you that. if your gay family never told you that……you are meant to soar. you are meant to do things this world has never seen before.

a true realization i have been having is that the world is ever changing. and the thing about it is that with the world changing, those that are a part of the upper echelon don’t necessarily CHANGE, but they are added to. why can’t you be a part of that? just recalibrate what you believe to be real, what you know your strengths are, where you matter in this world, and go out there and fuck it up. it’s your time to make your presence known and stamp where you are. stop letting bitch shit affect you and don’t ascribe to that bitch made lifestyle. you got this.

this is an ode to myself honestly. so … get to it.

 

xoxo.

amen. asé.

 

-gg

Tarot Pull – 8.11.18 – Salamanders

Happy Super New Moon in Leo and Partial Solar Eclipse, guys! Today has been a day of intuition and circumstance for me, and I’ve spent a lot of it doing things and decluttering my physical space in a way that can make room for something newer and bigger to enter my life. I know a lot of my friends said they spent their day feeling tired or feeling frantic, and if this was you today, know that this is normal. Today is the first day of that energy being let out into the Universe, and it’ll start to ease itself away from you as time goes on. Be focused on the fact that this is the first step into a new you. You have the power to make whatever you want to see happen, and rest is important when it comes to your own personal self-work. You can’t go a mile a minute and not take a moment for self – you also shouldn’t feel guilty about it either. I’ve been learning that day by day, and starting to feel less and less guilty about my insular moments, or when I feel like my emotions are off-kilter. I just go into spaces where I can recenter myself, and feel like the work I’m doing or the spaces I enter are the best for me and where I want my energy to be.

I spent this morning hearing some wonderful stories about the shortcomings people have overcome, and then had some time to visit an old coworker from my very first job in New York. It’s always nice to be able to reconnect with people from your past that will always have a special place in your heart. What was great about this interaction today was that I was gifted with something small I asked the Universe for a while ago. I’d been looking for a new tote bag, because the one that I have is cool, but I wanted something a bit cooler and nicer.

Today, my former coworker, who is really into music and art (that’s how we bonded, plus he is a Scorpio so we got that same kinda energy) has been in the process of getting rid of a lot of things that didn’t serve him. He gifted me with a painting he made of Marion Brown, a jazz artist, and it was something to add to my space. What’s funny is I have been seeing a lot of people post about new artwork they had been buying for their apartment, and I have never been a huge person to have artwork. Well, as of today, I have a new authentic painting of Marion Brown from a friend of mine who actually has a great eye for art, and a brand new tote bag because I had to find a way to carry it home in the rain. He also gifted me with a brand new sweater, and these really cool glasses that he can’t use anymore, but make me look like an even badder bitch.

He’s also a musician, and you can check out his work here – he goes by the stage name Luke Ferrari and he gave me this really awesome pin that I put onto one of my hats. His work is super dope, and takes me back to a really special place that reminds me of the type of music I listened to growing up – a mixture of rock and euphoric music. It was a rainy day here in New York, and getting to vibe out with him was great.

Afterwards, I had come home to figure out where to put the painting. I had to declutter a bit of my space, and I started going through old paperwork and things from past jobs that I knew I didn’t need anymore. It felt like I was seeing old lifestyles and spaces that I used to inhabit coming back out at me, and ripping up those papers and getting rid of them was freeing. It also allowed me to declutter my energetic space, and make more room for the things that are important to me and give my apartment a bit more panache.

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Then, I made a spiritual bath for myself (if you want to know more about that, you should submit a question/comment so I can explain to you what that is, and what I did to create it), ate some food, and then showered and doused myself in the spiritual bath. I felt very clean, fresh, and felt like some things that I was ushering out of my life were sealed for good after accomplishing taking that spiritual bath. Now, I’m feeling a bit tired, but relaxed. It’s just what I needed for the end of a rainy Saturday. I’ve got a couple more days before I officially start work back (not ready to enter that realm of turmoil but a bitch has to make coin), and something really exciting to look forward to this upcoming weekend before I go back. I’m grateful for all the positive energy today has brought, and how small manifestations the Universe heard were able to come to fruition without me having to spend a dime.

If you don’t know me, you don’t know that my catch phrase is “If it’s free, it’s for me.” So, anything that’s up my alley that is free is definitely what I enjoy. Also, another subset to that catch phrase is “the closer to free, the better for me”, because wherever I can cut corners to save a buck (especially these days when my money ain’t as long as it used to be), I will.

Anyways, enough about me. Let’s get into the pull for today.

Today’s pull is an elemental card called Salamanders.

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Salamanders is an elemental card from the deck that I use. A bit more about elemental cards.

“The elementals represent an evolutionary stage in the angelic scale. They represent the four elements: air, water, fire, and earth. They are the impulses that enliven the idea or conception that nothing is inert, static or motionless, but that, on the contrary, the work of God is latent in everything. The theory was conceived that there is a governing force in one of the each elements. These forces, called “elementals” were modeled according to human ideas, and they were included in artistic creations. They were present in dreams and hopes. They formed countless literary works and films, not all of them for children.”

As we see, elementals represent evolution. As today is a day where we are evolving from one stage to the next, the final stage, closing doors and opening new ones and allowing them to come to fruition, The final stage makes me think of that final boss on Sonic the Hedgehog 2 on Sega that was always hard as shit to beat as a chid for me. But, eventually, after trying many a times, I was able to succeed. I see this tarot pull as one that signifies the beginning of something new in life. As you can see on the card, the Salamanders are all represented by fire in some sense.

“In the Fire, the salamanders live, representing strength, the earth’s internal fire, the first spark that lights everything, directing this energy from the center of the earth towards the surface. They also direct the energy from the sun toward our planet, taking away shadows and darkness, which, in turn, are supported by the apprehensions and fears created by the typical insecurity of the human being.”

This word fear makes me think of a post from another friend of mine, Spirit, who has a YouTube page where she recently discussed fear the difference between rational fear and irrational fear. If you would like to understand the difference between the two and think about ways you can move past some of your irrational fears, you should give that video and her channel a look here.

I want you to sit and think about the fire in your belly that you have towards something. Is there something that’s getting in the way of you manifesting your best life? What is that, and why are you scared of moving forward? What blockages do you need to erase in order to allow that fire to come to the surface? Is there someone or something that’s got you trippin’, and you need a reset in order to come to your senses? Ponder on this right now, because the energy is telling me that it is your time to shine, but you have to tap deep down into yourself and let your insecurities melt away. Ain’t no reason for you to not be brave, bitch.

The text states, “These animals govern physiological functions, collaborating in the process of digestion and body temperature. They provide drive and courage, as well as bravery and justice. This card may represent a man or a woman in his or her forties or with much experience in life, who fights for ideals and who is a great thinker, strategist, army officer, or ruler. His or her will is strong, and he or she is dynamic and optimistic, as well as real and rational.”

We all have the ability to tap into this Universal wisdom that resides inside of us, but many of us are scared to take the leap. When was the last time you were worried to do something because of how it might come across to others? When was the last time that you allowed your lack of bravery and your lack of showing up for yourself to get in the way? There is no reason for you to let fear be your barometer. I heard this quote today and I think it’s great here – do you think there is a limousine with FEAR plastered pulls up to your house everyday, and it is your job to hop inside?

I hope you answered ‘hell the fuck no’. It’s your job to push past your worries, and remember that every opportunity and action is a lesson to push you forward. You have the earth supporting you, the Universe supporting you, but you have to remember that support comes from self first. You have strong will, and you may have needed that reminder today. Take the time now to claim your personal power, and remember that there ain’t no reason for you to not be courageous and be brave in taking on your endeavors. As long as you fight for what is idealistic for you and it doesn’t harm others, how can you lose? As long as you’re rational and think things through without being worried about every little piece, you will be fine.

I think this is perfect in terms of the energy the Universe is trying to serve us today. Remember that now is the time to pop the hell out. You deserve to. Your season is here. I want you to revel in it, and remember that your birthright is happiness, and your fire should never die. When it dies, you lose yourself, and that’s not what will help you get to the next level that you deserve to see yourself at.

Take some time to reconnect to that fire in your belly. It’s there – I can feel it from here. Use all that’s within you in order to push forward and burn the competition and those hater bitches that are in your way. And normally, those hater bitches are your inside voices telling you ‘no’. Tell them to shut the hell up, eat their food and mind their business.

I hope you guys go into the rest of the weekend in power, and remember – you can’t fail if you never try.

Amen. Asé.

-gg

Desire

Today’s focus is the topic of desire. This website has been a long time coming for me, and it’s something I’ve desired for quite some time. If you know me personally, you know that I have been wanting to be a writer for years, and have been consistently tweeting recently about different vibes and different foci that I am giving my energy to on a daily basis. I have desired to have more of a free life, allowing my creativity to speak for itself, but finding lots of blockages. But before I even get there, let me get to the meat of today’s word.

The word desire is so powerful. I know personally when I think of the word desire, I think of it in a sexual content, or something very passionate. It’s a very intense word, and it’s an exciting word in nature. It’s this sense of longing for something or someone, even if it’s just a fantasy that you want to be fulfilled. Having desires that don’t fit the norm are okay. Society has told us that sometimes, our desires are not allowed to be fulfilled because of extenuating circumstances that limit our ability to have what we truly want.

What if you took the time to forget about what limitations there are, and manifested what you truly wanted? What if you took your desires on a date, and fully immersed yourself in them, without listening to your negative self talk? Where would that leave you? I want you to think about what you desire right now.

Personally, right now I desire to have more peace in my life and I have a desire to continually push myself to work on my craft and what is important to me. That voice in the back of my head can constantly tell me that ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘there are others that are doing or have what you want’, but does that really mean that I have to succumb to those voices? I want you to reflect on something that is important to you, and the blockages that have hindered you from gaining what you want. If you allowed those pieces of negative energy to eradicate themselves from your spirit, would you feel closer to gaining what you truly want? 

When you have a desire, you want to make sure that it’s a healthy one. I remember at one point, I had a desire to just leave work and get drunk, mainly because I was stressed out and wanted to let go. Those desires would manifest themselves into me finding myself in precarious positions that weren’t healthy for me. Be intentional about the desires that you have, and make sure that they are serving your highest purpose, and your highest good. Yes, we all want more money, love, or something else, but is the process in which we are manifesting that healthy? Looking at others’ possessions and desiring what they want is not the way to inherently receive what is meant for you.

Start from the base level of why you want the object of your desire, and whether or not it is serving a higher purpose, or whether it’s something that is a temporary fix. Remember, you have a lifetime of things that you can want, and these things can come quickly, or may take time to materialize. Don’t freak out if it doesn’t come to you immediately – if you stay faithful and stay grounded in your ‘why’, you can never go wrong when manifesting what you truly want. If the desire is going to make you a happier person, go for it. If it’s something that is temporarily going to fix a situation, consider whether or not it is the most beneficial for you in the moment. Remember, desires aren’t you being selfish in any way – even the most luxurious things you desire are able to be acquired if the intention behind them is positive and rooted in true form to your spirit. Your spirit is resilient, and has the ability to manifest what it wants as long as the work is put into gaining what you want. Keep your eyes on the prize, because it’s so easy to get derailed by things that do not truly matter in the grand scheme of things. When you set your eyes on something that you want, your endeavors and desires can be met if they are stamped towards your ultimate glory, and not instant gratification.

You are able to give as much as you are able to receive. That is what true balance in the world is. When you learn this, you can teach others that they’re able to do the same. The Universe is happy to share its energy with us, and that energy never can die. When you decide to honor your desires, you give yourself permission to be one with the Universe and receive support for your growth and happiness.

Today, I want you take some time to think of your desires today. I want to thank Kyle Gray, author of “Raise Your Vibration” for giving me the following questions to share with you all. Answer the following questions in your spare time and reflect.

  1. What is it you want in life?
  2. How will it make you feel when those desires are met?
  3. What can you do to create that feeling now?
  4. How can you express that emotion?

Also, set this intention for your day.

“Desire is a powerful emotion. I have recognized that I have needs and I am finally honoring them. It’s okay for me to want some things from life because the truth is there’s enough for everyone. In receiving, I bring balance to the world. In manifesting, I show others that they can manifest too. I am grateful to be held by the Universe as it meets my needs for the highest good of all.”

Now, I wouldn’t be a real ass bitch if I didn’t answer my own questions that I’ve shared with you guys. So, I’ll go first with sharing my answers to my questions.

In life, I want to find a healthy balance between my spiritual, my mental, and my physical. I desire to have an abundance of spiritual wealth, and am grateful for all that I have brought to the forefront. I desire to have a balance with my work life and creative life, and when those desires are met, I will feel more fulfilled. I will feel as though I am making headway with my own true passions and life’s purpose. To create that feeling right now, I am writing this post and sharing my own personal feelings of desire with the Universe and anyone who reads this. This post is my way of expressing these emotions, and the more that I continually write and put my true feelings out into the Universe, the more it will bless me and others around me. The Ancestors are willing to support me through all of this, and I trust and have faith that every little inch matters. 

Now, I encourage you to go have a date with your desires today, and really focus on the intention that was set earlier. Remember to ground yourself before really thinking about what you want, and take some time to meditate if need be before actually writing out your desires or thinking of them and what will make your soul feel fulfilled.

Asé.

-gg