burning books. [SOLITUDE + ACE OF FIRE]

Good Rising, readers. This Supermoon has been something else, ey? I know that ever since we’ve had this Supermoon pass, the energy has felt like a rollercoaster a bit. Personally, sleeping has been somewhat of an issue. I’ve been feeling a lot more energy than normal. It’s also feeling like I’m in a space where ideas are finally starting to take form, but now it’s going to come with a lot of effort being put in on my end. As I wrote yesterday in my post, it feels like there is a mountain that is up ahead that is able to be seen, and it’s just waiting on the right person to tackle it at the right time.

Today, I was reading something and came across the topic of being willing to receive, while giving generously. This connects back to karmic law, as far as ‘what is given shall be received’, and I think at times, we forget this. I know as an empath, my primary purpose is to always give and receiving is such a weird space for me to be in. Getting gifts, being surprised, small little acts of kindness…I’m grateful for most definitely, but they’re not my first instinct. Naturally, as a giver, I tend to lean into that side of myself first but have learned the more that I grow up that giving TOO MUCH comes with terrible consequences. There are so many energy suckers out here, so be wary of who you spend your time with and who you give your energy to. Lean in with love today, and make sure that recognize you are deserving of whatever support, love and help you need along the way. Make sure that you find that balance between the two, and continue to push forward with that mentality as our days go on by. Also, be willing to receive the goodness of happiness from others. If people are truly giving from their heart, you’ll know. It could be the smallest of gestures, but that’s a way of showing love.

With so much shit happening in the world, small acts of kindness are the potion that could potentially bring us together or tear us apart. Every small act of politeness and kindness doesn’t always come with some instantaneous reward, but that shouldn’t be the focus. It should be more about the feeling you get when you’re able to support someone else the way they should. Your time will come when it’s your moment to receive.

Today, while pulling, I pulled the Major Arcana Oracle Card Solitude and the Ace of Fire from my Tarot of the Orisha deck. (let me tell you – random sidenote; if this is what my days could consist of on a regular basis? Lord Jesus, heavenly Ancestors and Spirit hear my cry…this would be great.)

As I ease into my morning, these are the two cards that somewhat go with the energy I’m feeling. It’s this mixture of wanting to be alone and gather thoughts, ideas, and figure some things out in life (trying to decide whether or not this is at home or just around the city because I’m off)…but also feeling like a lion because I want to roam around a bit without doing too much. Y’all know lions leisurely stroll and I would love to be able to hit a teleport button right now and be in the middle of a park somewhere in the city really quickly, get a little air, and teleport back home. A bitch can dream, can’t she? Who buying me a teleportation watch?

Anyways, as we see in the Solitude card, baby girl is wearing a blue dress and she is reading what seems to be a book. The color blue is connected with the throat chakra and has to do with communication, expression, imagination, and freedom. The other interesting thing about this is that the book is positioned so that way, it feels as though she’s allowing us to read along with her at the same time. I’m feeling like this is telling us to take some time to re-read our situations in life and sit with them for some time. Look at the ink you’ve left behind on the pages. Go back and revisit them. Give yourself some time to look inside your soul and figure out what’s going on. The setting also shows that in the background, it looks like we are around the time of sunset and there is a huge pillar in the background standing erect behind the young woman. The pillar to me looks like the rook from the game of Chess, and we all know that the rook can move wherever it wants on the board in certain directions as far as it wants at any time. The background makes me feel as though if you’re reading this at any point during the day, take some time to step back and let yourself reflect upon your soul and what it is asking for more of. You’ve been moving all over the place lately with your thoughts and have so many paths you can take and it is currently time to take inventory of what is going on and which direction you want to move. What I’m feeling is that you need to take a knee and listen to your soul in a quiet, beautiful sacred place for you at some point today. It carries all the answers to what you’re looking for.

People love alone time, but underestimate the power of alone time that serves as rejuvenation in a variety of ways. Meditation, writing, vegging out to help decompress, working on a passion project…all these things are valid and good ways to make use of your quiet time. As a society, everyone wants to go out and do things more often than not and socialize with friends which is fine, but don’t spend enough time convening with themselves. This card is telling you to make sure that you schedule time to reinvigorate your spirit and conserve your energy properly. Take things as they come. Don’t rush the time that you need to check in with your soul and make sure you all are on one accord. Make this an intentional part of your day from now on so it becomes a habitual practice. I know personally, I’ll throw on some binaural beats or isochronic tones and just breathe to catch myself up back with myself for the moment. Take some time to give yourself space today from everyone, unplug from them, and charge yourself back up.

With Miss Ace of Fire, it’s going to make you want to feel like the center of attention on this day. Miss Lion is PERCHT in the jungle, and as we see in the background, it’s a beautiful day. It seems like Miss Lion is just sitting there, letting you admire your beauty but is ready to pounce whenever necessary. You’re probably going to be feeling a bit fiery today, and that’s okay. Combined with this Solitude pull, this would seem a bit confusing correct? In all actuality, what this is telling me is that you are going to be able to find the balance of doing what needs to get done and listening to your soul and giving it space when it is needed. You want to be understood. You want to be flattered. Or you may want to flatter others because they need it. That symbiotic relationship will be imperative towards your growth and emotional state today. Remember that you have the fire of a lion and whatever comes your way, you will move through with ease Take on whatever endeavors you want today and be charismatic about it. Your bubbly personality in the workplace or around others won’t go unnoticed. Also, go within and value yourself for being your most authentic self and letting others affirm you. Even though you don’t need this necessarily, it’s good to get that love not just from yourself, but others. Today could also be a good day for you to get some “good day gooch” and maybe knock boots a bit if things go your way. As long as you put in the effort, everything will fall into place. You have the power of decision. You can decide how you want to engage with others. You can decide how you want to spend your quiet time today, reflecting. You can decide who you want to let be a part of your energetic space. It all comes down to you.

TL;DR: Make sure you spread love as much as you talk about how much you want to receive it, ensure that you give yourself that love first before throwing it all willy-nilly elsewhere and be the star of your show today by letting that sparkling personality shine. You deserve.

Amen. Asé.

-gg

Reclaiming My Agenda: A Written Manifesto.

Before I hop into this post, I just want to shout out Brendon Burchard again for his book. It literally gives me so much to reflect on daily and I’m grateful that I have been taking time to really take days (read: months) to get through it because there’s so much good stuff in it. Today, my job cancelled school because of the recent tragedy we all experienced, and it has given me some time to focus on myself more than normal. The energy of the New Moon also forced me to get out of my house and actually try and write and do the work that I’ve been asking myself to do for a while now. I realize that because I’m always stuck with working consistently, I lack energy because I give so much of it to people on a daily basis and even though I enjoy being an assistance to people, these aren’t always the easiest people to deal with and they don’t (read: students) don’t know how to give back properly and fill me up the way I need in life right now. I’m good at filling them up, but I leave empty regularly. I also just run around like a chicken with my head cut off, which is NOT how I operate. A girl needs time to recuperate, relax, and rejuvenate. This is why I have had the last four days off, and they honestly have been perfect (even though I would sleep a bit more, but it’s cool). I’ve had time to chill. I’ve had time to see friends. I’ve had time to talk on the phone with friends. I’ve had time to READ BOOKS. I’ve had time to manifest things I want. I’ve had time to connect with self. It’s been great.

Where I’ve gotten to in the book is in regards to writing out your own manifesto. Now, there are a lot of questions that it asks you to dive into, and I took some time today to dive into those questions. Now, normally, I would just share the questions with you all, but honestly…because of the space I am in my life right now, I am doing myself a solid and actually going above and beyond to share my thoughts with you all because…I can’t sit on these thoughts and not do anything with them. Therefore, in light of the New moon, new beginnings, and my desire to be a light and a guide for others…I’m going to share the questions with you all as well as the answers I created. Please feel free to just read the questions and ask them to yourself, and if you have the time, read the responses I gave to myself. This is me bearing my soul to you all, the world, and myself and …this is the first step towards my personal freedom I feel like in a larger sense. So here we go.


 

Setting a direction:

What will our mission be from this moment forward?

My mission from this point forward is to make sure that I am following what my intuition tells me. I want to make sure that I am fulfilling whatever Spirit leads me to do, and not being resistant towards what I feel like “doesn’t align” or “doesn’t make others happy” and my mission is to follow my gut and what I know is going to make me happy. My mission is to focus on what truly resonates with my spirit and do work that makes me happy internally, while touching others along the way. Our mission, with God and Spirit, is to lead the way to allow others what to understand what it means to be vulnerable and use those vulnerabilities not as points of weakness, but to actually appreciate them and use those as what will help us to push forward towards what we truly deserve as human beings and forge this level of connection.

What will be our plan of action?

Our plan of action is putting myself out there even more than I ever have before. I’ve been resistant to sometimes hopping in front of camera or being on podcasts only because I get nervous doing it alone. I have to get rid of those worries because at the end of the day, I know what I possess and what I was instilled with at birth is just coming to the forefront even harder than it has before. Like, I already have a name for the show that I want to create and I know it’ll be something people will catch onto and love. I have to trust that what I have been given is a gift, and it is my purpose in life to expose, utilize, and manifest that gift towards greatness. I have to make sure that I am intentional in the writing that I am doing, making sure that I continually try and share it with others. I have to make sure that I am honest in all conversations, and also making sure that I’m sticking to my true self when making these things happen. It all starts with me taking the leap and leaving things behind that I feel like don’t align with what my true desires are and dreams are, even if I feel like they may hurt others because they don’t see what I see. And that’s okay. Everyone’s not made to be taken along for the ride, and if they’re not, that means it’s made for me to separate from them because my journey right now is solely focus on my own personal growth and my own personal happiness and true joy through God and Spirit.

What steps must be taken?

  1. Get out of my own head.
  2. Not necessarily ‘ignore’ what others have to say, but filter the things that serve me and what doesn’t serve me so that way, I can choose what actually fills me instead of depletes me.
  3. Set up some sort of relationships with others that truly want to see my success come to life, and there are plenty. I have to trust that reaching out to them and actually being vulnerable enough to ask for help is part of the key in order to see the life I want to live come to to the forefront.
  4. Do the work that comes with finding opportunities that align with what I want to do wholeheartedly. I have to try different things out, and I can’t be scared to try these things out either. I have to stop allowing my level of wanting to be comfortable to dictate what I do and don’t do because I’m scared of what the outcome will be.
  5. Be stern and be focused in what is for me without allowing others to derail my success: I’m in control of what I allow to come my way and what I filter out of my brain, and I have to start to fill myself with love, kindness, and joy instead of allowing things that trigger me to do such. It won’t always be perfect, but at the same time, I know that it can be accomplished through constant practice.

What am I really after in life?

I’m really after serving others of different backgrounds, different upbringings, different stages in life. I want to heal people as I heal myself. The beauty of human connection is that all of our experiences are different, and there are ways to be able to learn from one another that we may not see on the surface because we are not willing to be vulnerable enough to do such. I also want to travel so much more. I want to be sponsored to travel and take on the job of writing about the energies I feel in different spaces and why they have allowed me to feel stronger about the person that I am. I want to be able to move around and not feel like I’m tied down. I want to feel the mixture of structure, but also feeling the discipline to be my own boss and make decisions for myself without having others feel like they have to make those decisions for me. I’m after healing not just myself in life, but others along the way with my level of vulnerability, giving them a launching pad to dig deeper into themselves and actually do the work that is necessary to bring them to their true level of happiness and joy that isn’t laced in complacency. Complacency is the work of the “devil” and I use the term “devil” loosely because it’s the idea that the lifestyle that breeds comfortability and an inability to grow or see outside your general view of life. This is not what we were put on earth for, and I want to create a space and be in the driver’s seat on what that looks like and how awakening to self is what truly brings happiness and truth to one’s life and brings a level of authenticity instead of functioning at a lower plane of being distracted by the bullshit that we see going on in our world on a daily basis.

What do I truly want to create and contribute?

I want to create a television show that meets the idea of a podcast that discusses the topics that people are scared to jump into: trauma, being taken advantage of, duplicity in spirituality and it not being one-sided, love and how multi-faceted it can be aside from what others may believe that it is, – something that will have people reflect and actually think about where they are and how they can dig deeper inside themselves to determine whether or not the person that they show up as daily is actually who they are, and help them to assess the mirror reflections of the people they have in their lives and decipher whether or not those relationships are truly the people that deserve to be a part of their space, or if they need reupholstering towards fixing what is meant to be in their lives and what isn’t.

What kind of person do I want to show the world each day?

I want to show the world that I am light daily. I want to show the world love daily. I want to show the world that I am a real ass bitch, a sensitive ass bitch, an emotional ass bitch, but a loving, truthful, compassionate, bold, risk-taking, ‘no nonsense’ type of nigga. I want to show that I truly care about us as humans and how we all interact with one another and move towards us being able to love one another – even those that we may not gel with completely. And learning that there’s a way to be able to lovingly let go of people that don’t serve you, and willingly allow people that do serve you in the sense of fulfilling you to allow themselves to come closer with honesty. And then also show that those that can’t value your true honesty and refuse to listen to such aren’t people that actually have your best interest at heart and are vampires, trying to take away your light and show that even though people may try this with me, I want to show the world that I am light, I am an angel put on this Earth to lead people towards their own light, and that I’m meant to be here on this planet to help bring us closer as a human race, little by little. Rome wasn’t built in a day. But I want to show that even though I am not someone who ticks off all the stereotypical check marks of a certain ‘type’ of person, I’m someone who is a unicorn that was placed on this earth to bring realness, bring joy, bring love, and bring reality to the every day life of the people I encounter.

What types of persons shall I love and enjoy life with?

I shall enjoy life with and love people who are willing to make true changes. I will enjoy life with people who want to actually enjoy every moment of life and what it has to offer, ups and downs, through the tornadoes, even when they experience anxiety, depression, other mental illnesses, and other feelings that may make them feel less than. I want to help build each other up, and create a strong network of love, support, spiritual connection, and honesty with others that transcends the surface level of just ‘being there for one another’. It takes so much more to be present in a person’s life, and I want to share my life with those that are willing to do the same thing, as I still navigate my way through doing the same thing and giving myself kindness and grace to do such.

What great cause will keep me going when I feel weak or distracted?

I will remember that at the end of the day, I am here for a reason. Ever since I was young, I have always thought that I was put on this planet for a reason. Even though I may be gay, even though I may be  Black or Afrolatinx, even though I may be one of those intellectuals, even though I may be one of those ‘blerds’ with the things that I’m into…I’m still human. And my human experience is meant to be valued, just as anyone else’s is.

What shall be my ultimate legacy?

My ultimate legacy is that I want people to remember me, Gary, for being that person that you could always rely on to lift your spirits. But I also want people to remember me for knowing when to set boundaries when their trauma and their drama tried to drop me down to a level that wasn’t transcending this earthly plane. I want people to remember me for being so connected to myself and doing the self work that is necessary to be a strong man that no one can ever question my intentions or my integrity. I want to be remembered for being a personality and a speaker that incites change, incites compassion, and excites others to be in the same space as him, even when I am experiencing my social anxieties and worries. I still refuse to lose the essence of self, and I want people to remember that no matter where I am, what language I may use, who I may speak to, that I had the best interest of myself first in order to help support the interests of others that are willing to make the steps and the changes, and I’m still vulnerable enough to know that every day is a new opportunity to learn. I’m growing and expanding every day, and I want that to be the truth that people see. I want to be remembered as someone who may not be your typical ‘social commentator’, but someone who had a voice in this world that made people stop, think, reassess where they were, and actually try to better themselves. No one is doing that type of work right now the way that I do it, and I will be the first real ass motherfucker to come across spreading love, light, thug shit, and a truth that is filled with compassion through my writing, my appearances on shows, my voice being heard via various mediums, and just emulating the bad bitch that I’ve always thought myself to be, but scared to actually be.

What steps must I take to begin and sustain these efforts?

I have to start putting my efforts into trying to get a video show running. I have to get my audition video for these TV shows up – I am so obsessed with them and have just been fearful of getting them done. I want to still model and take photographs – I’m not a size 28 in pants anymore. I’m not really a size small in shirts. I have eczema. But I have to remember that my imperfections are what make me memorable. I also can still take care of my body the way that I want to, on my own terms, and stop allowing the appearances of others and others’ successes to dictate whether or not I am successful the way I want to be; I know I am successful the way I am now, and I have to heighten that level of appreciation for self. I have to get out of my own head and allow the things that truly hold me back from my own greatness to not affect me in any way. This is the first step.

Afterwards, I have to enlist the assistance of others who are willing to hear me out and help me and help guide me towards the path that I want to go down, and do the work it takes in order to get to the place I want to be. I know that I can’t do this alone, and I have to open up to allow others to want to assist me in that process. There are many people that do, and I need to be more intentional about allowing those others to be a part of my life, setting those times up to meet with them, and stop being afraid to own my greatness.

I also have to remember that I am an introvert, and I can’t overwhelm myself with actions because if I do, I will fall out of love with everything that I’m doing and feel like I’m not actually moving towards the place that I want to. I have to be intentional in my steps, and take them piece by piece and not fight with myself when I feel like I’m not “doing enough” daily. What I am able to give daily is my best, and I have to start giving daily instead of being complacent with where I am. Okay, maybe not daily, but a hell of a lot more than what I’m doing now. And when it gets to a place that I am able to function without the current job I’m in/move out of a place that literally drains my soul (that’s the first job), I’ll be able to do more with what I truly see myself doing. And give myself time to allow that to happen. I truly am drained by this job on a regular basis and haven’t had time to heal from all the traumas I have experienced. The good old saying is, “You can’t heal in the place you got sick in.” And I got extremely sick last year, and I’m sick of it already this year for a variety of reason.

What will I orient my days to accomplishing this week? Month? Year?

I have to write more in my journal. I have to write more in my blog. I have to apply for these TV shows I want to be on (Survivor, Big Brother – even if I get rejected, the action is more important). I have to try and create a YouTube channel or re-do a podcast and come up with the concept completely and have a business plan for it. I have to connect with others. These are all the ideas, and I don’t like to give myself a timeline for things because a lot of the time, I overwhelm myself with this. The idea of just knowing that there are things to accomplish, continually seeing them daily, and then letting the Spirit guide me when it’s time to make a move is how I plan to orient myself to making these changes happen. Days turn into months, that turn into years.

Also, bitches gotta make money. I’m getting run ragged at a job where I am not getting paid my worth. And money is the root of all evil as we know, but I still have a lifestyle to uphold to a ‘certain’ extent, and I have to be willing to do whatever it takes to get me to that place that I don’t feel anxious around spending money. A bitch wants to travel. A bitch wants to see the world. I’m almost 29, and I deserve to experience life to the fullest at this point now, more than ever before. Every day is another blessed day to have another beautiful experience, and I refuse to let life continue to pass me by without making something of it that actually fulfills my spirit.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

I hope that these questions and this post helps you to tap inside yourself and see a little bit more of me. I encourage you to write your manifesto out. Give yourself that time and space today. You deserve it.

Amen. Asé.

-gg

Warrior Work.

Being free is being able to release the chains of your past. It’s so important to recognize what those chains are that hold you back from being the truest representation of yourself. A lot of the time, the chains that are holding us back from our greatness are chains that have been imposed on us by others. A lot of the times, we are blinded by the fact that these chains exist because we are so used to lugging them around. When we aren’t able to pay attention to the small components and pieces of language that people can impose upon us, we don’t recognize it as us being bound by what they project onto us. These chains, however, are self-imposed because we are allowed to pick and choose what we allow to hold us back. The thing about it though?

No one has ever explicitly taught us that.

Yes, we can ignore or refute when someone completely steps out of line with us and we know that it doesn’t align with our own personal truth. But what about when certain actions that happen to us trigger us to become paralyzed and completely forget about who we are and what actually matters to us at our core? When we are frozen and forget to realize who and what our true selves are? There are sometimes experiences that we all go through that hinder us from being able to loose ourselves of what is holding us back; the reason why we stay underwater, drowning and confused is because no one ever has taught us how to heal and move past the traumas that we have experienced.

Now, I’m not about to sit here and act like I’ve been paying attention to the news like a hawk. I know bits and pieces about what’s going on in regards to our political climate. But there has been a reason why I have taken somewhat of a step back from social media and all of the hysterics that have been going on:

  1. I can’t believe this is the world that I am living in and this is the reality of the country that I call home.
  2. I identify with those brave souls who have spoken out and spoken up for those who have had to remain voiceless, and I haven’t completely worked through my own trauma and mindset when it comes to these situations.
  3. Even though I have a background in International Studies and took Political Science courses (and I should be more well-versed and into these topics), they legit take me to a lower frequency than where I want to be.

I want to focus on number 2 right now, mainly though. I salute those that have come forth to speak about their experiences with assault and standing up against those that have done wrong by them. As someone who has experienced being sexually assaulted by men three times over the course of my life, I never realized how much it has affected me in my adulthood, and also the importance of releasing that trauma and lovingly letting that bullshit go in my life. The idea of freedom from those chains has been something that has haunted me my whole life.

They have made me believe that I’m not worthy enough to be with someone because I’m only looked at as a playtoy.

They have made me believe that I am only someone that is looked at as having something pure, and that purity is something that is wanted to be taken from me regularly by strangers.

They have made me somewhat unable to feel like I can connect with someone on a sexual level and actually sustain that level of sexual fervor with them – I mean, I am a Scorpio and you would think that by what ‘society says’ about Scorpios, I would be out here sucking and fucking but that’s not the case.

I actually have been traumatized by all those experiences, and have never had the ability to confront those that have violated me in a variety of ways.

And I never will truly have the opportunity to. I figured just erasing them from my life was the best way, or legitimately not being able to contact these people because I don’t know where they are out there and I can’t verbalize to them the impact they have had on me as an adult.

These are reasons why I respect any person who can speak about their sexual trauma and actually have the balls to confront those that have wronged them. Those that can actually own the fact that they have been a victim of being violated, and own the fact that they will not let that person keep them bound by their potential self-hatred or confusion when it comes to thinking about and loving who they are.

Those experiences in my life completely changed how I view every relationship I have and make me second guess who I let into my life in any way – I always feel like people want something from me, and that’s not fair to everyone. Yes, my past helps shape my current and then bleeds into my future, but it’s also something that I can’t hang over everyone’s head. One thing that I have learned through all of those experiences is that when my vibration was completely not on the frequency it is now, I was blind and naive and …I still don’t blame myself for that. I blame the other person for seeing someone who was pure and doe-eyed and even though my words may have said one thing, the people who were responsible for said assaults were facing their own demons that they obviously forced onto me.

I can’t do anything but lovingly release them and that trauma from my life. Now, I’m not saying I’m healed in any way just because I’m writing this. I’m still working through this and my truth, like many survivors of assault, do. I’m just at a place right now where I refuse to continue to be silent about it, and act like it didn’t happen or I’m weak because of it.

Yes, I’m a victim of repeated sexual assaults. Yes, it has had an effect on how I live day to day, and how I show up in my relationships regularly. Yes, I have had to learn the hard way compared to others in some instances, but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. And I lovingly release the hate and the anger I’ve had towards those that have hurt me physically. Mentally. Emotionally. There is no gain in hanging onto dead weight. It takes a wise person to realize that, and move on accordingly. I’m choosing to do that, and I salute and support all those that are still enduring that battle.

It takes a warrior to fight for their dreams, and not let boulders block blessings. I choose to be and have always been a warrior, and I free myself from feeling like anything less than.

I encourage you to release the chains that have held you back, love. 

Release the chains of feeling like your body isn’t good enough for someone else. That your status may make you feel like you’re less than someone else. The chains that have held you back from allowing yourself to be magic. That have held you back from telling you that your greatness isn’t good enough.

Let me be the first to tell you: you are a star. You are light. You are magic. You are revolutionary. Step out onto the stage, and don’t let anything hold you back from what you deserve, bitch.

You’re fighting the good fight. Continue to do such.

Amen. Asé.

-gg

Runaway

“A better future can be imagined for segments of time, but it is only in this time that a better future can be built.” – Brendon Burchard

When it comes to examining what is happening in your life, do you face challenges head on or do you tend to run away from them? Have you been in a space of daydreaming so much about what is going to happen in your future that you haven’t taken a bit of time to be present figure out what is happening right around you? Are you present? *knocks on your head*

I ask all these questions because it’s natural to have an aversion to really digging deep into certain challenges. We all have lives that have had some sort of experience with pain, trauma, unhappiness, or misalignment. These experiences have the ability to hinder us from pushing forward in times that are necessary for us to weather the storm…and this comes mainly out of in the form of fear. We think about the lives that we want to have, and want these things to come to pass without really thinking about the work that goes into it. You may not have the answer completely as to what you have a question about, but what you do know is that you have a question.

I know that I have been thinking about mind mapping things out that will help me to achieve the life that I have wanted in a way. Personally, I have been feeling somewhat outside of my own body lately. While sitting in therapy (yes, I am in therapy and therapy is good for you as much as your family may try and think that God is the only one that can fix all your problems) and was explaining how I’ve just been feeling outside of myself in terms of the things that I’m doing and not feeling complete and like I’m present in everything I do. The worst thing someone can do is go through life just for the sake of going through life without any answers or understanding as to why they do what they do and facing their challenges. He asked me to describe why I felt that way, and I struggled for a bit to explain where those feelings were coming from.

After sitting for a bit, I realized that everything that I have been doing is not aligning completely with what I want for myself, and some of the actions that I have been taking don’t necessarily feel like actions that I want to partake in. One of them is a new endeavor that requires me to be somewhere literally every night…and I have NOT been going as frequently as asked to be there. As an introvert (and also still working in education), I am completely DRAINED at the end of my workday even though it has been cut by a couple of hours. It’s also just not my cup of tea, and I’ve been having a hard time admitting that just because it works for others a certain way, I’m not everyone else and it doesn’t work out for me the same way. This isn’t me being rebellious or not ‘trying’ – this is just me being real as hell. Then, I’m supposed to be at these meetings with these strangers at times, and it really isn’t somewhere I want to be. I find it to be a challenge to be there every day in a different setting, not knowing who I am going to run into and I HATE making small talk or trying to connect to people in that space. It’s felt very inauthentic to who I am as a person and doesn’t feel like it resonates with who I am. It’s been a challenge because I have been running away from doing what is ‘suggested to me’ in order for me to gain the mental clarity that “they say” I need in order to progress in sobriety.

After that, I’ve been having this guilt about not going to the gym as I talked about trying to achieve my “forever body” a couple of posts ago, and realized that the intention behind me going to the gym was only because I was trying to prepare myself for Survivor over the summer. I also used to venture to the gym alone, and even with a friend…I don’t think I would enjoy it. It would make me feel good I went…but that was only because I know that I was paying that monthly fee and I’m glad I put that money to good use.

However, I came to the conclusion as I spoke that my journey is not like everyone else’s and the way that I feel is valid. I have realized that the way I get to the place that I want to be doesn’t have to look like how someone else has gotten there and I have to be okay with that. I have control over some things in my life (not all, which as a Scorpio is a hard thing to admit), and I should be able to manifest some form of happiness even in those challenges in a way that doesn’t have to be completely COMFORTABLE, but also shouldn’t heighten my anxiety. I have to believe that even though my journey to happiness on my own terms isn’t impossible, and I do believe that. I believe that breakthroughs are meant to come my way (and your way also) when you let down the walls of what you believe should happen, and take action towards just choosing to BE and stand in FAITH that whatever is going to come your way will come, even if it seems like a difficult challenge to face. You also have to remember that authenticity and tenacity are key.

I realized that me being in the gym was just because of me seeing others in the gym and having the bodies that I have wanted to have for such a long time. I know that that takes work, but that doesn’t mean that it has to be achieved the same way that it’s been achieved by others. I actually signed up for yoga classes this week, because that has been something that I’ve been wanting to do, and know that even though they may not have the same physical results as the gym would for those gym heads, that’s not the type of way I want to achieve the body I’m looking to have. I think about this as not running away from my challenge, but maneuvering differently around it and figuring out how to make it work for me the way I want to make it work for me.

I quoted the quote earlier because the future is able to be built in the present. I can’t just dream about it and imagine that it’s going to just come to pass. As stated before, work has to be put in in order to acquire what you desire. The way that that can be done is ever changing – it is necessary to make sure the intention behind it is pure and also soul-filling in the way that you want it to be. If you do something out of spite or feeling obligated to, chances are you will not perform it to the best of your ability or the way that you initially intended it to happen. You can’t avoid what reality is in the moment – it’s so tempting to run away and hide from what you don’t want to face. But where does that really get you in the end? Free and motivated people do not avoid reality – they face it head on and make shit crack the way they’re supposed to. It doesn’t have to always be flowers and candy and lollipops…sometimes, it’s going to be raindrops, drop tops, and hot boxes.

Okay, not really, but you get what I mean.

When you meet your challenge head-on, you find success. So instead of running away from the challenge, find a way to outsmart it and pivot so that way, you can avoid blocking your blessing and getting to the space you want to see yourself at.

Think of ways that you can go into this week facing your difficulties head-on, and then reflect on what you were able to learn from having to confront those hard situations. I bet you’ll come out on the other side with a level of wisdom that you never thought you would truly have. We’re about to exit Virgo season soon and enter Libra season, and things will start to make more sense and chill out for you. You won’t be as high strung and you’ll actually be able to enjoy life and the challenges it throws at you. You’ll be able to handle them with ease.

Just keep floating, as they say. And remember, running away from your problems never answers them. It just leaves the problems at your doormat for you to have to answer them later on down the road…and who wants to be bothered with old shit minutes, hours, days, weeks, months from now? Just go ahead, do the work, build the future you want, and stop being a little bitch about it by avoiding the things you need to do. *insert black emoji shrug here* and I say that from the most loving place ever.

Go into this week with power, and run forward instead of running away.

Amen. Asé.

-gg

Universal Knowledge

Sometimes, you just have to get things off your chest as a creative, no matter the time of day or how you are feeling. Sometimes, that energy just pours out of your spirit in a way where you can’t contain it. This is why it’s currently 12:27 AM, I have work tomorrow, and I’m writing this.

Have you ever felt like you receive sign after sign after sign and things are just pointing towards a certain direction? The synchronicity is too real, and that you know all your Higher Power is doing is telling you to leap? That could be from a job. That could be from a relationship that you don’t feel like is serving you. Or it could be a sign that something is truly serving you, and you just need to hold onto it a little more until something better comes by.

This post specifically comes from an app that I use on my iPhone. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s called the Yodha Love Astrology App. Now, I know you’re probably thinking, “What the hell this man got a Love App on his phone for?” Let me tell you – a while ago, I felt like I just need clarity around relationships and it was connected to astrology so I decided to keep it. Funnily enough as I write this, my love is laying right next to me knocked the hell out. 😉

Anyways, it’s an app that allows you to ask it questions and it can sometimes steer you and inform you of things directed specifically towards you because it asks for your birthday and all that information that helps it understand who the true you are when you were born into this Universe and the energy you took on in your physical body. It gives you free questions when you first download it, and concurrently will charge you $6 if you want to ask it specific questions.

I know a couple of days ago, I wrote a blog about “Mixed Signals“. I discussed the idea of just having so many things coming at you, not knowing which way was up, and how to listen to your intuition and follow what’s right for you. I’m very into astrology (you know those people that read hella horoscopes daily on their commute to work to figure out what energy their sign is giving off, as well as read their rising and moon signs’ horoscopes…oh wait, is that just me?) and this specific application that I have deals with Vedic Astrology.

For those of you that don’t know, Vedic astrology is the Hindu version of astrology and it has a lot to do with the light of intuition. In Sanskrit, it is loosely interpreted and translated into the study of the “Sovereignty of Light”. It focuses on astrology as being the evolution of the individual. I could go more into this, but that’s beside the point that I’m trying to make right now. Do your research on it if you want to learn more, and I’m sure I’ll bring more into my posts in the near future. However, let me tell you – Vedic Astrology is lit and the main purpose is to find that life of peace and fulfillment. The reason why I’m even going into all of this is because as of late, I have been receiving many signs about where I am, what I’m doing as far as ‘making a living’ (read as: solely working to have a roof over my head) and missing out on something super huge in my life I feel like. There are good things going on and I’m grateful, but there are always things that could be more aligned to my highest good.

Some days, the app that I use will send me notifications saying that there’s an update based on my planetary alignment. I had to share this one I got with you guys today:

 

IMG_7201-1 So, I read this and I just stopped dead in my tracks and started sending this screenshot to all of my friends. If you can read in between the lines of this little paragraph, you can see that things aren’t always perfect on the outside, even if we can claim that they are. I know that daily, I am always thinking about how blessed I am to have what I have, but I’m truly striving for more and I’m refusing to settle for less than what I deserve. Everything feels like it requires you to be strategic and plan it all out, and while that’s good and all, sometimes it’s just better to live a life of true freedom. My truth is my greatest freedom, and that is the reason this blog even started in the first place.

With this little message I received today, I came to the conclusion that I haven’t necessarily been playing it safe, but all the signs that have been coming my way are for no reason. The synchronicities are there for a reason. The Universe is edging me out of my comfort zone for a reason. The words that are being shared with me are being shared for a reason. The compliments and affirmations I’m receiving are for a reason. They’re all God’s way of putting me on the path that He knows I’m looking for. They’re all my Ancestors way of reminding me that they are my guides, my angels, and they are petitioning for me to do what I know is best for myself, and also what will be serve them and those that come after me. They’re sending the message that what is around the riverbend is exactly what is going to set my soul aflame and finally make me feel like I’m at home in my own body, doing exactly what I love without feeling that temporary feeling of dread at times that I do, doing what I do now.

It’s important to pay attention to the people, places, things, words, conversations, manifestations, disappointments, affirmations, etc. that you receive on a daily basis. All of these things are what helps your path to come to fruition if your soul is open enough to receive them. It’s not just a coincidence. You have to just bust open that third eye wide and see what is in front of you that’s beyond just the surface level. Dig deep. Actually listen to what is coming your way, and acknowledge it so that way it can manifest and grow into your life. As soon as the seed is planted into the mulch that is your soul, you have the power to see so much beauty come your way.

I know that I didn’t get this Vedic update on today, especially when I’ve been in a fog with some things, for no reason. It’s a clear sign that there is more on the horizon, and I just need to continue to trust that there is. I encourage you to look at your surroundings, and see if where you are is where you actually want to be. Have you gotten something from someone that has forced you to think about what you’re actually doing? Have you heard a conversation that triggered you to think a different type of way? Think about what has truly been a part of your spirit lately, and decide whether or not it’s just there because of coincidence, or because that Higher Power, your angels that surround you, that soul push….wanted you to see, hear, or read that.

I claim. I know. It is time. And I am ready (I been ready honestly) to live the life of freedom that I have been desperately seeking, and welcome it with open arms. 

As soon as you are able to do the same, you’ll be in such a good place that all the blessings you have been waiting on will come to pass. I’m patiently awaiting mine, while being thankful for the ones that I currently have in my life.

I need to get my house in order (my actual house and spiritual house) for this upcoming New Moon and start to write down all the specific things I want to see happen, so I can actually hold myself accountable to making it happen and being about that action instead of just using lip service to make up for everything. It’s time to do the work and get specific because the vision has become even clearer. It’s time to take my shot, and I encourage you to do the same. Have faith that you deserve freedom, and go forth and prosper.

Amen. Asé.

-gg