Remember me, September.

Happy September, and the beginning of a brand new month. I believe that the first of the month is always a time to be stressed because of bills and shit, but it’s also a time to set intentions and look at what you can positively manifest for what you want to see come to the surface for the month. Today is a special day for me personally, as I’m celebrating an anniversary with a special someone and I look forward to what the day has in store for me.

September is that time of year where we all know school is back in session, Fall is right around the corner, and we are about to step into a new energy and a different cycle of time. It’s said that September is a time of completion, as it is the last month of the 3rd part of the year. I think of all the things that I have learned throughout the summer, and I ask you to reflect on how summer was for you. Did you have a great summer? Did you make new relationships or friendships? Was your summer completely insular? Did you start a new endeavor or have a new vision come to the forefront for you, and now you want to make sure that you follow through with it? Think of what September can bring in terms of completion, and finishing up what you feel is necessary for you to transcend to another level. I always feel like September for me is the time to stop, take a second to think about what has happened up until this point, and then anticipate what I want the end of my year to look like. October is my birth month, so this is always the perfect time for me to start to manifest and plan for what I want to transpire as the rest of the year comes to a close and I celebrate a new year of life. 2018 has flown by if you think about it, and think of how far you have come and how much you have grown as a person this year.

I’ll get a little personal – I began this year in a fog, I feel like. I was in a deep depression (I experience seasonal depression already, and battling anxiety and depression without being medicated properly at the time) and was looking for clarity. Even though I was on a good level of connection with the Universe, a Higher Power and something outside of my physical self, I still wasn’t able to clearly achieve what I wanted out of life. I have some not-so-fond memories of me not advocating for myself, being harassed at work verbally and physically, and literally sleeping my life away because I was just so sad that I wasn’t where I felt like I needed to be. As time passed on, I began to relapse back into old habits that didn’t serve me at all. For those that don’t know me well, at the very beginning of the year, I was about a year and 5 months into sobriety from alcohol. As stress started to pile onto me, I began to go back to my old ways, thinking I had overcome the battle with alcohol that was plaguing me. This was not the case at all, as I was starting to see old parts of myself come back to the surface. I was in therapy at the time, and I remember feeling a lot of guilt and anguish around my return to alcohol. I still couldn’t find a way to put the bottle down, and thought that the situations I was enduring weren’t as bad as they were back before I became sober the first time. I found other outlets in order to curb my pain and anxiety, but they weren’t the healthiest outlets, so I went back to what I knew. I was still meditating, and doing what I felt was necessary to remain peaceful…but that wasn’t really serving its purpose. The bottle really hurt my spirit and my soul, and I began to feel lost. For those of you that know that alcohol is a depressant, drinking and being a person who deals with depression is NOT a good mix. I don’t recommend it to anyone because it only brings you more unhappiness and confusion in your life.

In therapy however, I began to find my voice. I began to find out that I was a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. I was able to come to the realization that my negative self talk was keeping me from being successful in my endeavors. I realized that I never thought I was good enough, or second guessed my abilities. I then began to realize that I was letting outside forces take over my beliefs, and came to the conclusion that I needed to look at myself first and build myself up more. I had all the tools right in front of me, but was blind to them. I began to learn that advocating for yourself isn’t a bad thing. Speaking up isn’t a bad thing. Owning your truth may seem uncomfortable for others, but it’s your own damn truth. I started to realize how much power I actually possessed, and how I was able to come even further than I had ever thought. I began to grow in therapy, and learned what I needed in order for me to feel at peace with myself.

I began the journey of self-love and truly appreciating who I am and not taking shit from anyone, no matter who they were: a boss, a friend, a lover, anyone. I learned what it was to make boundaries for myself, which I had never done in my life; I always thought it necessary to placate other people’s desires and that was the problem. I wasn’t putting myself first, and I have learned how to do that with a spirit of humbleness and strength these days. As the year has progressed and into the summertime, I was able to meet someone and learn from them some of the things that I never got to experience in companionship. I was able to build stronger relationships and be open with my friends and myself, regardless of judgment. I began to connect even more to my Higher Power, converse with my Ancestors without feeling judgment, and felt like my eyes finally opened. I began to own my space. I started this journey with writing again, which has been a passion of mine for years, but had waned over the past ~7 months. This blog was birthed not just for me, but to help others out there who may experience some of the same feelings I have and to reassure them that they aren’t alone. It was my way of doing service and giving back in my authentic, genuine way. That has made me so much stronger. I also started my sobriety journey again, and truly feel even stronger this time around. Now, I’m at a place where things aren’t still ‘perfect’ but it’s not life if everything is perfect. I’m happy, and always am growing towards a stronger place.

I urge you to take some time to reflect on what has made your year either amazing, tumultuous, depressing, happy, transformative…whatever adjective you would like to choose. I also want you to then think about and manifest what you would enjoy the rest of your year to be like, and how you can take action to make this happen. Just praying about it or meditating on it isn’t enough. Without proper action, you cannot gain what is necessary for you to feel at peace and see the hard work you put out there come to pass. You have to choose wisely in regards to what is beneficial for you, and what’s beneficial for others. You came into this world alone, and you will leave this world alone sadly – all the in-between is your opportunity to make decisions for yourself and live life to it’s highest capacity and for your greatest good. The journey is never over, and you are learning every day. It’s not always going to be a happy day. It’s not always going to be a sad day. But as long as you have breath in your body, you have choice. I choose to make sure that I do things that bring me joy, that keep me grounded, and that make me feel like I’m doing what is necessary for me to progress the way I want. I am nowhere near perfection, but who really is? Anyone that seems like they have the perfect life is bullshitting you, and social media and people’s walls will make you believe that everything is okay. The more that you are open with the changes you want, and have a tribe of people that support your endeavors, the more you are able to manifest and live the life of joy that you want.

These are two of the cards I pulled today. One is from my tarot deck, and the other is from my oracle deck. The tarot card is Xapaná/Babaluallé/Omolú and it’s a figure of a man fully covered by a kind of straw. The straw is around him to show that he has no shape. He’s related to matters of health to help make the correct treatment for what’s necessary for your betterment. He is popular and known as the saint that cures plagues and smallpox. When I think of plagues, this can be an emotional plague or an actual physical plague. He is the one that is said to be the healer of certain diseases. Because he is someone who is able to concentrate so deeply, it is said that his analysis is critical and his comments are sharp – basically, he is a straight shooter.

Think of what you need to do in order to be a straight shooter today in all endeavors. Sometimes, we cover ourselves up and have this shroud of mystery because we think we are saving ourselves from something or saving others from something. If you think about it, all you do when you shade yourself from others is legitimately hurt yourself from getting to the place you want to be. Be forthcoming in what you want in your life, and especially with the energy in the Universe we are experiencing, you can most definitely ensure that it’s time to boss the fuck up and do what is necessary for you to feel at peace.

It is said that the meaning of this card is a high fraternal and spiritual sense. You have a spirit of service and strong imagination and organizing mind. You are sensitive to the pain of others, physically and spiritually. You’re always willing to cooperate as much as possible, and this quality is more noticeable as time passes. You have the ability to recover and improve yourself from a certain state. Even though the card is inverted, since this card is the only one I pulled, I believe there are no bad vibes that come from this unless you choose not to take heed to these words I’ve shared. You can recover from whatever blunder you may feel you’re in the middle of, but as you see, it’s not done alone. It’s done through having a spirit of service and having a spirit of openness. Ensure that you are being honest with yourself and others, and doing what is necessary for you to progress. Honor how far you have come today, and celebrate the lessons you have learned with others. This is the only way to gain true salvation and understanding and be a true vision of service and manifestation towards goodness.

The oracle card Choose Wisely comes when you have a vision or goal you want to achieve, but you have scattered energies and unrealistic expectations that prevent you from getting what you desire. There are many opportunities out there, but you have to make a decision on what is going to be best for you. It reminds you that options that all around you and may appear to have all the influence and power, but you are the person that is in control and responsible for all the choices you make. This segues into you making the proper decisions that are going to help benefit you as time goes on in life. Make sure that you are taking the time today and for the rest of the month to think, analyze carefully, look at all possibilities in front of you, and take action. This card is outlined in green because it’s a card that deals with your emotions, and you want to ensure you are going into any situation with the clearest set of feelings probable in order to make the decision that’s going to benefit you for the better. Don’t be hasty just because you feel like you HAVE to do something – we are all given free will to do whatever is necessary for our greatest good. Don’t be influenced by others that don’t know what is best for you – this is a good time to heighten your intuition and be in tune with yourself and your own personal desires. Be focused. Be wise. Don’t make decisions out of desperation. Just be true to yourself and what is going to help you be at your best self – not things made out of extreme emotions.

This month, I want you to focus on how you can be of service to self first, but also service to others. Take into account what you can be responsible for and what you can control. Think about all options that are out there, and how you can use all these options to your benefit in the way that Spirit wants you to. Follow your gut/intuition, and make decisions that are going to help you live this month of September at your happiest, most sincere level. Meditate or pray on what is going to bring you true and utter peace. Remember that you are the only one that has to live with you at the end of the day, and as Tatianna from RuPaul’s Drag Race says…CHOICES. You have the choice to do what’s best for you.

A little mantra for you to go forth on today and think about as this month goes on:

“Mother Earth, I am your child. Thank you for being here. It feels so good to be here on this planet. Today, I vow to do my very best to help you along in your evolution. I know that as you grow and evolve, I will too. Thank you for all of your blessings to this point in my life. I feel very blessed.”

Repeat this a couple of times, and go forth and prosper today and for the rest of this month of September. Remember, you got the juice, as my baba says to me. It just takes you recognizing that you do and you are going to allow whatever is necessary for you to feel whole to come to pass. I believe in you. And I love you.

Amen. Asé.

-gg

Balance.

Happy Tuesday, friends. It’s been a couple of days since I have written last, and I have been dying to develop new content. I spent some time outside of the city camping playing Survivor in upstate New York! This was such a wonderful experience and I’m so glad to have met the people that I met, and play the game. Here’s a sneak peek from the original tribe I was put on and us after winning our first challenge.

IMG_7046I can’t even begin to explain what it’s like to play this game – it wasn’t the real show but more like a fan-based version of the game that I participated in. I played in challenges, strategized, and all of the like. I was camping essentially for two days outside in the elements. If you want to see some of the stuff that I did, you can check out the Survivor: New York page for the time being until the actual episodes are created. I can’t wait for you all to see how I did, and what this experience was like for me.

After all of this, I came back to real life after being disconnected from the world for two days and came back to start my job in a new role. It’s been such an adjustment being back in this world and just trying to find balance. I have been having a hard time re-centering myself because I’ve just been going to work, trying to make meetings, trying to figure out how to get to the gym, catch up on all my shows, do stuff for work to prepare, and be an actual person. Work being back in my life has made me feel even more off kilter than before, and it’s been a struggle to figure out my place in the world. Things have been feeling like they lack purpose in some sense, because I feel like there’s always just so much to do and there’s not enough time.

I ask you – have you ever felt the same way? Have you felt like time escaped you and you didn’t know what to do about it? This is really a devil that we all tend to deal with in terms of finding balance, and making sure we stick to what our intuition tells us. We all have to work to make money. We all have other obligations we have to fulfill. But at the same time, if the things that you are doing are not purposeful and giving you true enjoyment in your real life. I am learning what that looks like for me on a daily basis, and if you are searching for balance in your life, you should take some time to map that out.

I’ve been trying to be more intentional about what I do, where I go, and when I go places and listen to my body. Your body is a great barometer in figuring out what is necessary for you at the time and whether or not you are in a good place. When my body says no more, I listen. I can’t push myself to a limit that it doesn’t have instilled in the first place. You also have to take into account all that you have achieved up until this point, and remember that you have to be a leader in your own life in order to have what you want be the outcome. You have lots of inner wisdom that lets you know what resonates with you and what doesn’t. You have to remember that advancement in your own spiritual self is growth and that so much is going to manifest itself for you in terms of having what you need if you stay grounded. Take time to work all that out on today, and figure out what you need in terms of feeling like you have it all together. It isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.

Amen. Asé.

-gg

 

P.S. Recently, I appeared on a friend’s YouTube series entitled Unzipped! You should check me out talking about open relationships here, and get my feel on it along with my friend Hector.