faggot ass nigga.
as those words were uttered today in my presence, i was taken back to a time that i didn’t even realize had such an impact on me. i immediately addressed the situation with the culprit and said culprit didn’t understand why i was so offended because it wasn’t addressed towards me. while understandable, the words themselves are enough to warrant some type of side-eye from any respectable human being. i know you don’t joke around with your friends running around calling them ‘faggot ass nigga’ on a regular basis, do you? even your good Judies? i didn’t think so. i just felt my body getting hot and my hands start to shake. i was triggered.
certain vernacular has been reclaimed to mean something to a group of people. ‘nigga’ was claimed by black people (and certain Latinxs) as a term of endearment. ‘redneck’ is something that means one thing to one community but i imagine it to be a term of endearment amongst a similar community. the ‘c’ work (cracker) is something i grew up hearing (or honkey) but i never used because i always imagined it to be a slur of some sort. no one is running around calling people that inhabit that community similar to them any of these names. where is the line drawn becomes the question when it comes to certain terms…
some people hear things and let them roll off their back. i have been that type of person before to just ignore and keep it pushing. but leaning into pushback has been a goal of mine compared to just being a backburner person. someone who lets things happen and makes no effort to change them or address them. being a leader by nature, it’s extremely important to educate and help give wisdom in whatever capacity i can. i’m not perfect and i can admit that, but know when i am wrong. i can apologize if a boundary is overstepped. these things aren’t taught properly to everyone though. it takes patience, work, and consistent openness and conversation to happen. everyone is not mature enough to receive that type of wisdom at all times, and this is what tends to cause friction.
triggers are real. hearing those words took me back to the 5th grade. her name was hazel. i remember her going around telling people that i was gay and all of these things. now, in the 5th grade i am pretty sure i liked a girl so for that rumor to spread and then for me to not know what it means but know that it sounds like it has a negative connotation to it? and then don’t get me started on my family pulling guns out on me after finding (snooping) a bit of my sexuality out…yeah, that really hit home for me and i didn’t realize until i was able to dig deeper into my conscience and figure out why i felt the way i did any time those words were uttered. i know that the words need not be used anyway but the turmoil that it takes me to – a time where i felt unloved, unsafe, confused, hurt…that doesn’t go away automatically.
when you do your shadow work, you’re able to stand adversity in the face and it can rile you up. that’s okay. we are not perfect people. it’s about how you handle the situation in the moment. anyone can catch these spiritual hands; don’t get it twisted. and you can also catch a tongue lashing if necessary. shadow work is important because it helps you to get to the root of any issues and why you may act the way you do. being able to understand this a bit better, maneuver around it best i can, and push on?…it has taken years. but i am a work in progress every day… aren’t we all?
it’s important to keep it cute or put it on mute. what works for you and your people is cool, but that don’t work for everyone. this is a PSA to anyone reading to learn how to stay in your own lane. you know what that looks like. you know who that is supposed to be around. be sensitive to those around you. get to know their triggers. their trauma if they’re willing to share. it helps you to help them and that karmic rule is golden. that law of the Lord is golden. do unto others as you would have them do unto you. therefore, lead with love, and even when things are not giving you the love you deserve back, drop it. it’s not worth the energy. the time. the emotions you put into it. especially when it’s something that truly is a game changer for your spirit.
stand your ground in april. find your tribe. love yourself and your neighbor. teach compassion. but also, teach that you don’t take shit. boundaried UP is the way to be. this is the only way you can survive the triggers of the world. a year or two ago, a resopnse to something like that would have been different. this year however, …this lifetime….yeah. it’s all about that action, like i said. are you ridng?