Remember me, September.

Happy September, and the beginning of a brand new month. I believe that the first of the month is always a time to be stressed because of bills and shit, but it’s also a time to set intentions and look at what you can positively manifest for what you want to see come to the surface for the month. Today is a special day for me personally, as I’m celebrating an anniversary with a special someone and I look forward to what the day has in store for me.

September is that time of year where we all know school is back in session, Fall is right around the corner, and we are about to step into a new energy and a different cycle of time. It’s said that September is a time of completion, as it is the last month of the 3rd part of the year. I think of all the things that I have learned throughout the summer, and I ask you to reflect on how summer was for you. Did you have a great summer? Did you make new relationships or friendships? Was your summer completely insular? Did you start a new endeavor or have a new vision come to the forefront for you, and now you want to make sure that you follow through with it? Think of what September can bring in terms of completion, and finishing up what you feel is necessary for you to transcend to another level. I always feel like September for me is the time to stop, take a second to think about what has happened up until this point, and then anticipate what I want the end of my year to look like. October is my birth month, so this is always the perfect time for me to start to manifest and plan for what I want to transpire as the rest of the year comes to a close and I celebrate a new year of life. 2018 has flown by if you think about it, and think of how far you have come and how much you have grown as a person this year.

I’ll get a little personal – I began this year in a fog, I feel like. I was in a deep depression (I experience seasonal depression already, and battling anxiety and depression without being medicated properly at the time) and was looking for clarity. Even though I was on a good level of connection with the Universe, a Higher Power and something outside of my physical self, I still wasn’t able to clearly achieve what I wanted out of life. I have some not-so-fond memories of me not advocating for myself, being harassed at work verbally and physically, and literally sleeping my life away because I was just so sad that I wasn’t where I felt like I needed to be. As time passed on, I began to relapse back into old habits that didn’t serve me at all. For those that don’t know me well, at the very beginning of the year, I was about a year and 5 months into sobriety from alcohol. As stress started to pile onto me, I began to go back to my old ways, thinking I had overcome the battle with alcohol that was plaguing me. This was not the case at all, as I was starting to see old parts of myself come back to the surface. I was in therapy at the time, and I remember feeling a lot of guilt and anguish around my return to alcohol. I still couldn’t find a way to put the bottle down, and thought that the situations I was enduring weren’t as bad as they were back before I became sober the first time. I found other outlets in order to curb my pain and anxiety, but they weren’t the healthiest outlets, so I went back to what I knew. I was still meditating, and doing what I felt was necessary to remain peaceful…but that wasn’t really serving its purpose. The bottle really hurt my spirit and my soul, and I began to feel lost. For those of you that know that alcohol is a depressant, drinking and being a person who deals with depression is NOT a good mix. I don’t recommend it to anyone because it only brings you more unhappiness and confusion in your life.

In therapy however, I began to find my voice. I began to find out that I was a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. I was able to come to the realization that my negative self talk was keeping me from being successful in my endeavors. I realized that I never thought I was good enough, or second guessed my abilities. I then began to realize that I was letting outside forces take over my beliefs, and came to the conclusion that I needed to look at myself first and build myself up more. I had all the tools right in front of me, but was blind to them. I began to learn that advocating for yourself isn’t a bad thing. Speaking up isn’t a bad thing. Owning your truth may seem uncomfortable for others, but it’s your own damn truth. I started to realize how much power I actually possessed, and how I was able to come even further than I had ever thought. I began to grow in therapy, and learned what I needed in order for me to feel at peace with myself.

I began the journey of self-love and truly appreciating who I am and not taking shit from anyone, no matter who they were: a boss, a friend, a lover, anyone. I learned what it was to make boundaries for myself, which I had never done in my life; I always thought it necessary to placate other people’s desires and that was the problem. I wasn’t putting myself first, and I have learned how to do that with a spirit of humbleness and strength these days. As the year has progressed and into the summertime, I was able to meet someone and learn from them some of the things that I never got to experience in companionship. I was able to build stronger relationships and be open with my friends and myself, regardless of judgment. I began to connect even more to my Higher Power, converse with my Ancestors without feeling judgment, and felt like my eyes finally opened. I began to own my space. I started this journey with writing again, which has been a passion of mine for years, but had waned over the past ~7 months. This blog was birthed not just for me, but to help others out there who may experience some of the same feelings I have and to reassure them that they aren’t alone. It was my way of doing service and giving back in my authentic, genuine way. That has made me so much stronger. I also started my sobriety journey again, and truly feel even stronger this time around. Now, I’m at a place where things aren’t still ‘perfect’ but it’s not life if everything is perfect. I’m happy, and always am growing towards a stronger place.

I urge you to take some time to reflect on what has made your year either amazing, tumultuous, depressing, happy, transformative…whatever adjective you would like to choose. I also want you to then think about and manifest what you would enjoy the rest of your year to be like, and how you can take action to make this happen. Just praying about it or meditating on it isn’t enough. Without proper action, you cannot gain what is necessary for you to feel at peace and see the hard work you put out there come to pass. You have to choose wisely in regards to what is beneficial for you, and what’s beneficial for others. You came into this world alone, and you will leave this world alone sadly – all the in-between is your opportunity to make decisions for yourself and live life to it’s highest capacity and for your greatest good. The journey is never over, and you are learning every day. It’s not always going to be a happy day. It’s not always going to be a sad day. But as long as you have breath in your body, you have choice. I choose to make sure that I do things that bring me joy, that keep me grounded, and that make me feel like I’m doing what is necessary for me to progress the way I want. I am nowhere near perfection, but who really is? Anyone that seems like they have the perfect life is bullshitting you, and social media and people’s walls will make you believe that everything is okay. The more that you are open with the changes you want, and have a tribe of people that support your endeavors, the more you are able to manifest and live the life of joy that you want.

These are two of the cards I pulled today. One is from my tarot deck, and the other is from my oracle deck. The tarot card is Xapaná/Babaluallé/Omolú and it’s a figure of a man fully covered by a kind of straw. The straw is around him to show that he has no shape. He’s related to matters of health to help make the correct treatment for what’s necessary for your betterment. He is popular and known as the saint that cures plagues and smallpox. When I think of plagues, this can be an emotional plague or an actual physical plague. He is the one that is said to be the healer of certain diseases. Because he is someone who is able to concentrate so deeply, it is said that his analysis is critical and his comments are sharp – basically, he is a straight shooter.

Think of what you need to do in order to be a straight shooter today in all endeavors. Sometimes, we cover ourselves up and have this shroud of mystery because we think we are saving ourselves from something or saving others from something. If you think about it, all you do when you shade yourself from others is legitimately hurt yourself from getting to the place you want to be. Be forthcoming in what you want in your life, and especially with the energy in the Universe we are experiencing, you can most definitely ensure that it’s time to boss the fuck up and do what is necessary for you to feel at peace.

It is said that the meaning of this card is a high fraternal and spiritual sense. You have a spirit of service and strong imagination and organizing mind. You are sensitive to the pain of others, physically and spiritually. You’re always willing to cooperate as much as possible, and this quality is more noticeable as time passes. You have the ability to recover and improve yourself from a certain state. Even though the card is inverted, since this card is the only one I pulled, I believe there are no bad vibes that come from this unless you choose not to take heed to these words I’ve shared. You can recover from whatever blunder you may feel you’re in the middle of, but as you see, it’s not done alone. It’s done through having a spirit of service and having a spirit of openness. Ensure that you are being honest with yourself and others, and doing what is necessary for you to progress. Honor how far you have come today, and celebrate the lessons you have learned with others. This is the only way to gain true salvation and understanding and be a true vision of service and manifestation towards goodness.

The oracle card Choose Wisely comes when you have a vision or goal you want to achieve, but you have scattered energies and unrealistic expectations that prevent you from getting what you desire. There are many opportunities out there, but you have to make a decision on what is going to be best for you. It reminds you that options that all around you and may appear to have all the influence and power, but you are the person that is in control and responsible for all the choices you make. This segues into you making the proper decisions that are going to help benefit you as time goes on in life. Make sure that you are taking the time today and for the rest of the month to think, analyze carefully, look at all possibilities in front of you, and take action. This card is outlined in green because it’s a card that deals with your emotions, and you want to ensure you are going into any situation with the clearest set of feelings probable in order to make the decision that’s going to benefit you for the better. Don’t be hasty just because you feel like you HAVE to do something – we are all given free will to do whatever is necessary for our greatest good. Don’t be influenced by others that don’t know what is best for you – this is a good time to heighten your intuition and be in tune with yourself and your own personal desires. Be focused. Be wise. Don’t make decisions out of desperation. Just be true to yourself and what is going to help you be at your best self – not things made out of extreme emotions.

This month, I want you to focus on how you can be of service to self first, but also service to others. Take into account what you can be responsible for and what you can control. Think about all options that are out there, and how you can use all these options to your benefit in the way that Spirit wants you to. Follow your gut/intuition, and make decisions that are going to help you live this month of September at your happiest, most sincere level. Meditate or pray on what is going to bring you true and utter peace. Remember that you are the only one that has to live with you at the end of the day, and as Tatianna from RuPaul’s Drag Race says…CHOICES. You have the choice to do what’s best for you.

A little mantra for you to go forth on today and think about as this month goes on:

“Mother Earth, I am your child. Thank you for being here. It feels so good to be here on this planet. Today, I vow to do my very best to help you along in your evolution. I know that as you grow and evolve, I will too. Thank you for all of your blessings to this point in my life. I feel very blessed.”

Repeat this a couple of times, and go forth and prosper today and for the rest of this month of September. Remember, you got the juice, as my baba says to me. It just takes you recognizing that you do and you are going to allow whatever is necessary for you to feel whole to come to pass. I believe in you. And I love you.

Amen. Asé.

-gg

Serenity.

When I first wrote this word as the title of this post, I automatically thought of Sailor Moon. For those of you that don’t know, I’m a huge Sailor Moon fan. She is like the pinnacle of me first knowing I was gay to be quite honest, because I used to run home from school everyday to catch her and all of my girls on TV and get enthralled in their stories. (Just so it’s out there/if you’re a fan of the show, I stan Sailor Venus/Sailor Venus is me). It just amazed me to see them transform from simple school girls into warriors, there to save the Earth from damage and harm. Even though at times they seemed ‘weak’ in the typical eye of what a ‘superhero’ is supposed to be (what the hell was that ‘Mercury Bubbles Blast’?!?!?! Why were they always getting dusted by the Black Moon Clan?? Don’t even get me started on Sailor Stars – Sailor Galaxia jacked all them UP!!!!!), they still represented and fought against all that was wrong in the world, and I can’t say that they haven’t inspired me in some ways to be the person that I am today. A bitch be out here fighting evil by moonlight, and winning love by daylight. #yesimridiculous

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Anyways, Princess Serenity (for all you people who don’t know about/watch Sailor Moon – shame on you, Lindsie) is the prior reincarnation of Sailor Moon in the MoonKingdom, before all hell broke loose in the Moon Kingdom. Serenity (Serena/Usagi in her Earth form) was fascinated by the Earth (I don’t know how she would feel about Earth present day in regards to all the crazy shit that is happening in our world) and decided to travel to Earth against her mother’s wishes and met a man who she fell in love with, Prince Endymion (who is reincarnated as Mamoru/Darien (Japanese/English version). Long story short, some shit goes down in the Moon Kingdom during this time, and Prince Endymion dies saving Princess Serenity. Ridden with grief and guilt, Princess Serenity commits suicide in order to be with her man (I’m assuming this, I’m not sure if this was confirmed for sure because I ain’t read the manga, I just watched the show in its entirety 3000 times but I mean…the love of your life is gone and we have seen people in life die shortly after their loved ones/partners pass on to the afterlife). Her mother, Queen Serenity, then used the Silver Crystal to reincarnate her daughter, her lover, and all of the rest of the Sailor Senshi to have another chance at life on Earth. This was the ultimate sacrifice, as she then lost her own life because she chose to use the Silver (Moon) Crystal and its energy in order for others to have another chance at life. This is how the series begins, if I’m not mistaken. I could be wrong, it’s been a little while since I’ve watched the show, but this is why Serena/Usagi is on Earth and finally develops her powers and finds her tribe once again, and is always protecting that damn crystal in her locket. It’s what gives her life and allows her to be the light for others and take out the darkness in the bad guys.

Now, that has absolutely nothing, but something to do with what I wanted to get out in today’s post and the topic of ‘serenity’. Serenity is defined as “the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled“. I believe Princess and Queen Serenity received their name because their soul mission was to have peace in the Moon Kingdom, and then on planet Earth. I have been legitimately been searching for serenity for quite some time, and I’m going to tell you that that shit is not easy. It’s a choice to be serene. It’s a choice to be calm. It’s a choice to be peaceful and untroubled. It’s a choice MOMENT to MOMENT to be that way. And I haven’t been failing at it per se, but I have been feeling so many moments as of late that have been ramping my anxiety up, or sending me into overdrive.

I bring this word up and this topic up because of a reading I came across yesterday, and it being reaffirmed in a conversation I had later on in the day. I don’t want to share where the reading comes from, but some people may know/you can Google it if you so choose. Basically, the idea comes from the serenity prayer that we all know:

God [being able to] grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference.

As of late, I can’t tell you how many times I have said this prayer, or even heard it. Yesterday, I really had to sit and think about what it means to be ‘serene’. To me, it means that you are calm. You’re unfazed by things, and you choose to be peaceful. I also believe it means that you have the courage to change the things and leave the spaces that don’t make you peaceful and take away your joy. That takes a whole lot of work, and a lot of assessment. The more that I realize I’m working towards this place of  true ‘serenity’, the more I realize that I truly have to manifest the power to just block out what does not serve me, and know the difference between what brings me peace and what doesn’t. We all don’t owe anyone anything when it comes to our version of perfect peace.

The book I read said that serenity seemed like an impossible goal when first seeing/hearing that prayer. I had to take a second to rethink what I thought the word ‘serene’ meant. I’ve always attributed it to just being chill, and not letting things bother you. Isn’t that a state of life that you always want to be in? Don’t you want to just be even keeled and not bothered by things all the time – even the slightest inconveniences? That takes practice, and consistent checking in with yourself in order to be in that state. That’s not always easy, and not always doable because let’s be real – we all have triggers. Whether it’s something as small as someone not remembering your name or who you are after you met them several times and engaged with them (p e t t y), or someone violating your personal space in a way that makes you uncomfortable that brings up past feelings that don’t make you feel good. It moves you out of this place of being calm, and makes you want to turn up real fast. TRUST – I am learning how to change the process of thought I go through of negative self talk, overthinking, and worrying in order to just be ‘serene’ and find that state of calm that I so deeply desire.

Serenity is plain recognition. It’s basically a realistic way of seeing what’s going on in front of us, accompanied with inner peace and strength. It’s like something that stabilizes us and lets us keep our balance no matter what turbulence swirls around us. That is a state of mind that is worth aiming for on a regular basis. Without it, what are we? We tend to be angry. We tend to be worrisome.

What if we just flip the script and start positively affirming things?

I’m worried about getting this job. —> “Yes, I’ll get this job, but if I don’t get it, something else will be out there for me that suits me.”

He really grinds my gears when he talks to me like that because he don’t know me like that. —> “I find it bothersome when people address me in this manner, but I’m not going to choose to latch onto those negative feelings right now, because I’m vibrating higher than that.”

His energy is throwing me off right now and it’s making me feel uncomfortable. –> “You know, it’s getting late and I just need to get home right now because something just made me feel a little off and I just need some space to quiet my mind.”

I’m tired of spending money on bills!!!!! I can’t ever keep any money! —> “I’m grateful and blessed that I have finances to be able to pay what I can, and whatever I can’t pay will get paid when I have the ability to. I can’t stress myself out with what I don’t have, and I still have to live. Worrying about them going to collections isn’t going to stop it right now from happening – I’ll do the best I can when I can and I will be provided with the funds eventually to make this up because I have faith everything will be alright.” (CHYLE, adult life is no joke!)

And a personal one for you I deal with…

My sobriety makes me feel so lonely because the sober people I know, I don’t really mesh with all that well all the time and I can’t be in spaces all the time where drinking and drugs are happening around me, so I feel isolated and like I can’t have fun anymore. —> “I’m grateful that I’m able to wake up tomorrow with a clear mind, and I can always see my friends in a different capacity where that’s not going to serve as a trigger for me and make me feel unhappy or like I’m missing out. I choose this peace and clarity of mind for my own wellness, and that’s okay. I would rather this than cloud myself with things that may cause me regret tomorrow. I’ll just spend my time doing something else.”

Choosing serenity isn’t easy everyday. It really is a daily practice to try and be serene. Your work will get done. You’ll get to see your friends. You will have chances to enjoy life on your own terms. You won’t allow others’ actions to trigger you to a point of no return. You have the power to choose to be peaceful, calm, and evenly centered. You are allowed to have sun in your life daily, even if there isn’t sun outside. Even in depression, which I suffer from, I know that it’s even more difficult for us that battle with that to find the positive in things. It truly is an act of kindness and self-love in order to try and do the best that you can everyday.

It may be messy.

It won’t be perfect.

But giving it a try is better than shrugging it off.

Now, go out there and be like Serenity. Not the killing yourself part, but choosing to allow peace to be your primary concern. I’m working on it myself, and you can too. Take some time to figure out how you can bring serenity into your life more on a daily basis, and practice reframing your thinking towards your benefit. The more you do that, the more you will see the changes manifest themselves, and the happier you have the potential to be.

Amen. Asé.

-gg

Tarot Pull – 8.10.18 – Elebba/Eleguá/Eleggua

Happy Friday, friends, spristas, and family! Today is the day before the New Moon, which is in Leo and it’s a Super New Moon. There is also a partial Solar Eclipse happening, and this all goes down tomorrow early in the morning at 5:57 AM. As a Scorpio, I’m taking my time to rest and just prepare for all of the shit that is about to go down tomorrow to essentially be the final chapter of what we have been experiencing. I’m ready for a restart in so many ways, and know I am in control along with my Higher Power to usher in that energy. Remember, there are legit six planets in retrograde currently (Mars, Saturn, Neptune, Pluto, Mercury, and now Uranus as of this week) so if you have been feeling all over the place emotionally, don’t think that it’s just because of you being crazy. The Universe and the cosmos are literally all over the place right now. If you have been seeing old things/issues come to the surface, and you’ve been trying to start anew or make amends to things, this is the perfect time to make sure that you prepare intentions for this new phase in your life and what you want to see happening. Lessons are wrapping up, and you have the ability to create and manifest what you want to see actually happening in your life, and leave all that other mess at the door.

The New Moon in Leo will truly make you focus on what makes you happy, and allow you to do that final work in reflection on what routines, habits, and actions you need to take in order to function at your personal best. It’s truly a time to let go of the past, and look towards the future, remembering that everything can change at the drop of a dime if you make the efforts to do such with a positive mindset. Remember that post on motivation I had? This is an optimal time to finishing figuring out what doors you want to close, and what roads you want to open towards your path to happiness, success, and your own personal truth. Things will start to become even more clearer to you than ever before, so take heed as to what your intuition is leading you to, and how you feel in any and all situations. Since this is a Super New Moon, it’s gonna be wild, so hold onto your socks!

Today’s tarot pull is SUPER timely, and I find it interesting that it’s what I pulled today because of what is happening around me personally, and happening with the Universe tomorrow. Today, I pulled the card Elebba/Eleggua.

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“Eleggua is the patron of all doors and of all roads. Therefore the magical keys to open the most inviolable locks and the permits to walk the different paths that humanity will travel belong to him.”

In the title, you may notice that I referenced this card many a ways. Dependent upon the background that one may understand the Orishas, Elebba/Eleggua/Eleguá may be spelled differently, but it all means the same thing. He is the one that is the door opener, and the one that opens new paths towards what is designed for you. Most people who practice Santería, Candomblé, or Palo Mayombe believe him to be the “master of force”, and you must have his approval before moving down the path that you seek. He is the protector of villages and cities and towns, and his image is to be placed behind or close to the entrance of the house. If you think about it, your comings in and goings out have to be blessed in order to manifest the dreams and truth that you want.

This morning during my dice divination, I rolled a 3 and a 6. This just shows me that I’m right where the energy needs to be, as I continue pulling info from my companion booklet.

“He is made up of the soil of three or seven crossroads, water from three or seven rivers, rain collected three or seven times during the third or seventh month or in three or seven months of the year…etc.” I think that this three that I rolled shows that he’s present in this reading and telling me and you all that the roads are here to be walked down. I think of some personal doors that I am opening and working on, and how motivated I’ve been feeling for a change or for something new and exciting to be a part of my path. This just soothes my spirit, knowing that everything that is happening right now is coming in divine timing. I also think of what doors I’ve been working on closing lately, and how that has been helping me to be a better person and feel in a much better space.

Have you gotten a new job lately? Have you been feeling a push towards tackling a new venture? Have you been given a job promotion, or found a new passion in doing something? This could be because the energies around you are supporting you in feeling this. Don’t sleep on this energy – go with it, but don’t tire yourself out from it. Be patient with yourself – it’s all coming together.

The meaning of this card is related to jobs, mainly. “There will be progress in one’s work or job. Abundant productivity. Profitable advertising campaign; your message will be well-received. Tempting and practicable offers. Vitality.”

This is super exciting for me to pull and show you all today because it means that there is something coming that is amazing. The work that you have been putting in is coming to pass, and the Universe is going to give you great karma back if you have been giving the best of yourself to it.

Personally, I know that I have been staying motivated with writing here as much as possible, trying to stay on top of other goals that I have (and I also just finished this super awesome goals worksheet from my girlfriend, Destiny, that helped me to focus on getting in the gym and holding myself accountable for it – you should check her current site out and her new site dropping next month!!!). I have also just thinking about how all of what I’m doing and the energy I’m putting out is being received, first for myself, and then in light of what I want to see manifest in my life even further. As an empath, I’m always thinking of others, and I want to continue to be and shed that light for others, so I do this to help you all get closer towards your personal immaculate design.

This is also perfect timing because lots of doors that were open in my life that weren’t healthy for me are closing, and I’m seeing some of the mental emotional changes that I have been having. If you don’t know, I have had a tumultuous relationship with alcohol for the past …probably 10 years, and I’ve been getting the help that I need to make sure that I stay sober. It hasn’t been an easy road, but I’ve been taking the steps to realize that every day is a step towards a healthy life, and I’m working towards building even stronger relationships in my sobriety. I’m grateful for the work I have done and even though every day isn’t perfect, I’m sober and it’s progress, not perfection.

I know that the sacrifices that I am making and the intentions I am setting to lead a healthier, happier, more honest life are going to be momentous for me and others around me, and I send so much loving energy to you all as we transition into these new astrological moments coming forward.

Are you seeing some of your past doors closing? Are you ensuring that you’re doing work to keep them closed, and thanking yourself for working daily towards seeing what you want to see manifest itself? Remember that you are human and that you are not perfect – it’s all a process, and it all will come to pass if you allow it to. All you can do is just do your best on a regular basis in order to welcome that positivity and that energy. Allow yourself to be supported. Be patient.

I’m so ready for tomorrow – it feels like it’ll be the final exam for me before I start to see my new life completely manifesting itself the way I want to see it happening. Today, I plan on doing some vision setting. I would suggest you take some time to do this today or before Sunday. My birthday is a little less than two and a half months away, and I think this is the perfect time to envision what I want to see happening within the last couple of months before I turn 29. If I spend my time focusing my energy towards that today, who knows what will actually happen during that timeframe? You can never get too early a head start on your own spiritual awakening and your own graciousness coming to pass. I feel like the death of an old Gangsta Gurry has happened, and a new G is being reborn again. And I’m fucking with that energy.

I want you to stay hydrated today, stay positive, stay aligned, and be thankful for what you have accomplished thus far. Focus on what you can be grateful for today, and what has changed this year for you for the positive. There are so many little things you can be grateful for, and the more you welcome that energy into your life the more you’ll be able to manifest the life that you want.

Shine on, my friends.

Asé. Amen.

-gg