Boundaries After Five Years of Fuck Ups.

Wow, this is something that I haven’t done in a while. I don’t even remember what the last thing I wrote about on here was, and don’t even feel like going back to see it. I can’t believe that it has been a year since this site has been in existence (the only reason I know is because the editors are telling me I have 6 days to renew my plan and daddy doesn’t have his paper together the way he would like just yet to renew but…in due time).

Okay, so I know that this is a public blog but it’s my shit, so I am going to just keep it honest. This morning, I woke up with these stomach pains and a bit of anxiety around…what, I don’t know. I haven’t been sleeping much at all lately. I probably get around 4-5 hours regularly and I’m on my nightowl shit quite often. It’s just the facts right now because of things that have been going on.

Oh, some updates for my personal life. So, I’m without a ‘salaried job’ right now. Essentially, baby girl was put on disability back in May because of my health issues. It is so crazy because …these issues aren’t new and they just got worse as time went on. Call it symptoms of ascension, but like my body and soul knew that it was in a place that it didn’t belong. But you know as a black man, I’ve been told all my life how I have to work this and do this and make sure I have this. All of the things that I got in my five years of living in New York plus the stuff that I have carried around with me since college literally has compounded itself into something…that I’m not anymore.

I believe this is why Big Spirit took everything from me. For those that know or don’t know, I was robbed on June 11th. Reason being – I went out on a date or two with men while on my trip home (I want to say right around the time that I wrote the last post) and felt a lot of …feelings. Let’s be real. I was in a relationship around this time last year. June 1st would have been my year anniversary. And I broke up with my boyfriend because I felt smothered and my Scorpio Sun Sag Venus ass struggles with staying IN IT. Especially when I’m communicating what I need and that’s not being met. I become very…what’s the word? Reserved in a sense…because I tend to shut down and just be like:

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

So…yeah, I let that go because I wasn’t happy. I had just lost my Uncle a month prior and I was very hurt. Very lost. And just needed some space for myself to figure things out. But I was still searching for love in all the wrong places. Old spaces that I knew I could fall back into because …well bitch, it’s easy to do. It’s simple for me to just believe that I will be coming into these spaces from an ‘ascended’ place. But no, I’m still the same bitch that I always been, with the same issues, and know better. Hey. You live and you learn. And I realized that if I wanted to attract a certain type of man, I had to behave a certain kind of way. (this is hindsight, because I definitely didn’t realize how much I was putting into PEOPLE THAT DID NOT DESERVE THAT TIME AT THE TIME.) Anyways, this was a trigger because I had a date scheduled and it sent me into a complete spiral because…well, it wasn’t that great. And of course my heart, my soul, was open. I’m a fucking Scorpio, Libra, Pisces #Big3 bitch so like, let’s be honest here. A nigga was hurting. So what did I do? Drink that pain awayyyyy. It’s my go-to. It’s always been my go-to. I’m an addict. A recovering addict.

Well, that spawned a series of unfortunate events. Let me be clear here. Before I even was where I was, I was in a fight. Got some shit stolen. Got into a variety of verbal disagreements with people close to me. Then basically was drinking and messing around with men during a time where I needed to be giving my energy to myself. THEREFORE, things were literally feeling like the five years that I lived in New York and all the shit that I experienced during my time living here were coming to a head and happening in the span of three weeks. Now, let’s be clear.

FIVE YEARS WORTH OF LOW VIBRATIONAL ENERGY IN THREE WEEKS? WOULDN’T THAT BOTHER ANYONE AND SEND THEM INTO A DEEP DARK SPIRAL?

(Oh, and I just celebrated my five year anniversary of being in New York yesterday; cheers.)

Whiskey was my choice of alcohol. That morning, I truly remember …not much, but hey. I do know that iStarted mixing coffee and whiskey at 10. To numb the pain. Mainly because I was hurting and what’s funny is it wasn’t my family that sent me into that immediate spiral. It wasn’t my friends that sent me into that immediate spiral. It wasn’t my job (because I wasn’t working + I didn’t have an income and that weighed heavily on me) that sent me into an immediate spiral.

It was some dusty ass nigga that I spent my time trying to get to know and put energy into that didn’t deserve that energy + me trying to rationalize why I felt like he deserved that energy THAT SENT ME INTO THAT SPIRAL.

I’m really a romantic at heart, I put my everything into people and relationships and…it does come back to bite me in the ass more often than not. It sucks. Anyways, this really put me in a dark place enough to where I blacked out. Now, this wasn’t my first time at the rodeo blacking out. I sadly have been a pro at this for quite some time. YEARS OF BLACKING OUT BB. Like, ever since… 20. So imagine 9 years of alcohol abuse, 7 years of not recognizing it was abuse, and 3 years of being conscious that it was abuse and trying to get back on the straight and narrow path after 9 years of learning a trait that I needed to desperately unlearn.

BICH. Can you blame me?

Anyway, this blackout led to one of the darkest moments of my life. I’ve learned in my big age (wow, 30 is right around the corner wow) that I can’t blame everything else on other folks, I have to take some of the ownership of myself. I know that I have a predisposition to a lot of addiction traits. I know that I tend to hurt myself or put myself in situations that are dark. A close friend to me the other day said that I can sometimes lean into victim mentality and while that hurt to hear, she was right. All of this I have recently been able to clearly see. Let’s be real, I am battling:

  1. A drug / alcohol addiction issue
  2. Emotional trauma from my parentals not really giving me the love and respect i deserve and have been pining for all my life
  3. A physical illness that manifested itself from the amount of stress in my life
  4. Hating a job that I have naturally been good at all my life, but don’t feel a connection to anymore because of how much it made me physically ill
  5. Income? Consistent income? I haven’t known those words at all in my life~

And that’s just a couple things. Anyways, after being arrested off some wild shit, I basically put myself in a place to get everything of mine stolen. Every thing material of mine was gone. Even the keys to my home. And I wasn’t even in the same state that I currently live in. Therefore…struggle city. Imagine what the fuck that was like to have to deal with especially on your own.

I’ve been building my confidence…

My heart…

My mind & soul…

And just the finances that I’ve lost back up. But…I’m at a place because who do I work for right now?

Nobody. No, literally. I have been “searching” for jobs and not finding anything that fits my interests. The places I do go that are of interest to me? Not hiring. This becomes difficult and a little…redundant. Relying on the help of others to get by and also the Spirit of God to bless me has been literally the way that I have made it through this time. Relying on that has been the sole reason as to why I am still here. Of course, there are days with tears. There are days I’m not the most loving to myself, but I learn to pull myself out of it as best as possible. It’s still a work in progress – I have been not the most positive towards myself all my life. Building my confidence up and all that. It takes time.

I know I started this with boundaries and whatnot, and this is important for me to learn with myself and with others. The boundaries that I have had to establish with self are really integral to my work and work with others because let’s be real,… since I’ve been working for myself and the work I do is heavily involved with others, I have to protect myself. What does that look like? BITCH, I’m still learning so ask me in a couple of months LOL but at the same time, it has really been a form of self-care to not answer certain peoples’ phone calls that are draining; realize that I am growing and changing and having different thoughts and if someone doesn’t understand that or can’t have a dialogue in regards to growth and change…BYE; I love a good spiritual bath or sitting in the shower and just letting the water run over me and getting my peace…there are more but I don’t want to bore you.

I also have to establish boundaries with others. I have been an emotional dumping ground for my whole life. Literally, I don’t know if I have “YOU ACTUALLY CAN TRUST ME WITH YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS – COME TALK TO ME!!!” written across my forehead but there’s just something about me that people have always felt comfortable coming to me and sharing with me. Ever since childhood. Like, I was the kid that was in the grown folx conversation because I knew I could sit, listen, observe, and that’s how I gained my knowledge. And I also know how to listen (but I do like to insert my own thoughts more nowadays and just respond for the sake of dialogue – I try and make sure I don’t overdo it) so I think that also is something that people appreciate about me. But I rarely get asked if I’m in a space to take things on. I rarely get told after someone has dialogue with me ‘thank you’ especially if I’m here listening and giving you advice that you put into practice. And I can’t do that anymore.

Boundaries also extend into sexual encounters and whatnot. As a victim of sexual assault/rape in my childhood and during my formative years as an adult, I have been the type of person to just go along with what people want to do for fear of upsetting a person…being hurt by them because of being in a compromising situation with them…and I have naturally been the person not to speak up because of ‘rustling feathers’ (shoutout to Hayden Moss for this one) and also knowing that my truth-speaking has been too much for people at times and I have that body memory stopping myself from doing it. Do I know why completely? No. But it’s just that scared little boy inside of me who remembers being in that dorm room after bringing someone he didn’t want to bring home, but didn’t know how to speak up for himself and was told by this fucker that ‘he wasn’t leaving without getting what he came there for’ and my 19 year old ass is sitting in this room at Morehouse knowing that if I scream, these men are going to look at me crazy and I let that man basically fuck me for three days straight…he would literally go to work and come back to my dorm to rape me repeatedly over a weekend until I basically let him leave that Monday and blocked him in every way possible because I didn’t know how to confront that energy. I still remember his name. His face. Those fucking green contacts that he consistently wore. His bald head. And the fact that he was supposedly dating my “Morehouse brother” but he still was fucking me. And mind you, this was my first time ever bottoming (for you gurlz that really need to know, I’m more of a top mainly because of this reasoning) and it just spiraled into a very heavy lifetime of me having sex with strangers only one time because …well, if you only have sex with someone once you never have to worry about disappointing them ever again.

Yeah.

I have had a lot of time to process why I spiraled into an addictive state for literally 9 years of my life. I have had a really difficult road…but like, through it all I’m still fighting, still kicking, still HERE BITCH just like Tisha Campbell says. And to be honest…even through all this, I have never been so connected to my SELF, my TRUTH, and my BEING.

I’ve truly taken my tarot and oracle card readings to another level, and have been working for myself out this apartment for the last two and a half months, solely making my income off of this.

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And I’ve never been happier working for myself and not having to answer to anyone.

I’m in the process of working on and dropping a project that I’m working on and I can’t wait to share more about in the near future when the ink on the shit dries.

I actually found time earlier this week to talk with my big sister on her podcast about my addiction. You can actually go give it a listen here if you’re interested and support her (shoutout to you Maria!) and …listen to my perspective on it. If you have ever felt like you’re battling substance abuse or addiction in the general sense (remember, it doesn’t have to mean just substances), I would suggest you give it a try at least. <3.

I have so much insight based off my experiences in this fucking wild ass city. I moved here 5 years ago with three goals:

  1. Move closer to my best friend because I was miserable in Pittsburgh where I was
  2. Find a man because New York seemed to be the place that housed the type of men I wanted to date and I hadn’t ever been in a true relationship as an adult
  3. Not work as a teacher because I had been teaching for 5 years already and was tired of the shit and wanted to start my career as….welllll idunno but not teaching

 

Did I accomplish my goals? Yeah…just not the way I planned. But in retrospect…I did.

  1. I got to live closer to my best friend and during those formative years I was really dependent upon him …however in the last two specifically I have essentially found my way back to trusting myself, my judgments and we are able to live two completely separate lives without me having to run to him for all my needs because…I’m learning how to function without the approval or need of others that don’t actually mean well for me
  2. I dated one guy that fucked me over and was my coworker [NEVER DATE A COWORKER!!!!!!!!!!] that came onto me and told me he wanted to be with me and i cancelled a trip to the HAMPTONS to be with him for christmas break and slept at his house 5 of 7 days -that i had keys to MIND YOU- and basically found out that he only wanted to mess around with me and that was it but NOT FROM HIM, from his BEST FRIEND telling me and then later on down the road see him and someone from the Twitterverse traversing through fucking Tulum …and the nigga was also a black Spanish teacher (someone has a type and yes, i’m still a bit bitter by the way shit went down, i’m a scorpio and so was he and that was fucked up – ya’ll know i didn’t let that nigga breathe though, i definitely left that nigga’s keys on his desk on valentine’s day because i’m not that bitch)
  3. I had a wonderful relationship with a guy for about 8 and a half months but I just needed to move on for myself
  4. I found my passion – healing and the arts and truly started to lean into that truth and have been especially for the last three years…

So like…I’m actually winning at the end of the day, even through all that.

If you got to the end of this, you better fucking WERK BITCH. And thank you for taking my journey with me and being here. Being of support. That means the world.

I don’t know what the next five years are going to look like. I don’t know what the next year, the next day will look like.

But what’s wild is…I don’t really fucking care like I used to. I’ve learned the beauty of being present and in the moment. And tbh, I’m enjoying this version of me more than ever before even though it isn’t any version I’ve met before…he’s rad. Amen. Ase.

-GG

 

POST EDIT – I know I’m not making this shit up because after I wrote this… I pulled the Temperance card from my Afro-Brazilian Tarot deck…

“Temperance is the card for bringing balance, patience and moderation into your life. You are being invited to stabilise your energy and to allow the life force to flow through you without force or resistance. It’s time to recover your flow and get your life back into order and balance.

This card calls on you to remain calm, even when life feels stressful or frantic. Maintain an even temperament and manage your emotions. You have learned to keep composed in stressful situations. Little things don’t get to you, thanks to your seemingly abundant source of patience. Your respect for balance and tranquillity is what will help you achieve and experience fulfilment in your life.

Temperance asks you to take the middle path and accommodate all perspectives. Now is not the time to be highly opinionated or controversial. Be the peacekeeper and take a balanced and moderate approach, avoiding any extremes. Include others and bring together diverse groups of people to create harmony and cooperation. By working together, you will collectively leverage the right mix of talents, experiences, abilities and skills.

There is alchemy within Temperance. This Tarot card is about blending, mixing, and combining diverse elements in a way that creates something new and even more valuable than its separate parts. ‘Blending’ can take on many forms; for example, a blended family, an artist who blends different materials or techniques, a bartender who mixes new and exciting cocktails, or a chef who combines different cuisines and cooking styles.

The Temperance card shows that you have a clear, long-term vision of what you want to achieve. You are not rushing things along; instead, you are taking your time to ensure that you do the best job you can. You know you need a moderate, guided approach to reach your goals.

Finally, this card reflects higher learning. You are learning a great deal where you are now and are at peace with what you are doing – it is all coming together well. Your inner voice is guiding you to the right outcome, and you are patiently listening and following.”

 

<3. Wow.

Firm ‘n’ Fishy [FIRM FOUNDATION + UNDINES AND MERMAIDS]

So, this week is winter break for most teachers and let me tell you, i have just have to thank the Ancestors for this additional time off (that i’m getting paid for + i am not out on disability because of having a mental breakdown YAY!) because it’s great to just be able to live like a regular human. I actually am enjoying getting back to being able to write and update with general writing and stuff because my spirit can handle it. when you’re in a space that takes your energy away, getting ANYTHING out is difficult and i’m a firm believer in following the energy. anyways, as mentioned before, I had been getting requests to start writing about my tarot and oracle card pulls. well, i’ll show you what both of them were for the day and then we can talk more about what i’m getting from them personally.

Today’s Oracle Card was the Physical card Firm Foundation with the #4 adorned at the top, and the Tarot pull of the day was Undines and Mermaids from my Tarot of the Orishas deck.

As we see in regards to Firm Foundations, we see that the card is outlined in red, and there is a mountain that is in front of this strong strapping black man. There is a huge red triangle is highlighting his lower back, which I attribute to the root chakra being highlighted here. You may not be able to see it on the card, but the triangle is actually outlined in various colors, like a rainbow of colors. This man is standing in front of this majestic mountain and he’s not looking at it head on but standing looking off to the side a bit as it seems as though he’s pondering what endeavor he is about to take on. There are also what looks like archways in the foreground, which can mean that it’s going to take a while for him to walk and climb that mountain, but it’s still in his sights.

All of this makes me think that it is important that we focus on keeping ourselves grounded as we have come into this new super powerful energy. We are going to be feeling extra full of ourselves when it comes to taking on new endeavors and ambitions, but we have to remember that we cannot get derailed along the journey. What I see this mountain represents is what’s out in the distance is finally able to be materialized. It’s tangible. For me personally, I’ve been trying to ‘figure it out’ in regards to what is supposed to be coming next for me, but I am feeling like it’s all starting to come together and I have to have faith that I will get there and climb that mountain. The number 4 is related to structure, foundation, stable situations, and planning. This means that with proper planning, having some sort of valuable structure, and ensuring that you think of all possible outcomes and necessary things before you begin your journey, you’ll be good to go. Just don’t get knocked off your feet whether you’re on the ground or up in the air. I also rolled a nice lucky 7 for my own personal dice divination this morning, so I think that what I’m saying is hitting on SUM.

As long as you make sure that you have good judgment and lay down the framework as best as possible when it comes to whatever endeavor, you will be able to build security for yourself in the future. Just keep in mind that good actions come with good rewards and questionable actions come with questionable results. Don’t take advantage of people or situations for the negative – be a sponge, be open, and be receptive to what’s out there to help you set the yams out properly for a win. Also, it’s important that you give back to those that help you along the way – those folks that ground you are going to be important as you move forward on this path. Reach out to the friends and family that keep you spiritually fed, and allow them to see the beauty you are working on. Allow their suggestions to hold some weight and remember that you are forever learning. This is what will help you achieve greatness.

Now, along with my tarot card pull, this is interesting. Before I continue, I just want to say that most days, I’m just pulling for myself but then am able to share my experiences and thoughts and hope that it’s able to touch you. That’s all – I hope something hits on something for you. With Undines and Mermaids, we see a beautiful mermaid underwater holding onto what looks like two seashells. She is PERCHT underneath the sea as the fish and all the beauty of the ocean surrounds her. Mermaids deal with love, and this card has to deal with those that are in the field of communication…whether it be written, visual or oral. It means that you will be finding a tribe of some sort soon to help you get your voice out there the way that you want to. It comes to people who put in the time to get to their level of expertise: doctors, masseurs, reporters, art critics, etc. The idea is that people who use the method of communication are those that are going to be feeling a boost of energy today. I am feeling that the beauty that you possess inside is meant to be shared on the outside without worry for judgment. We all tend to be concerned with what others think or will say about what we share with the public, and if you have something on your chest you want to get off, feel comfortable enough to divulge what’s tea so that way, others can get on board with your message and support you the way you need + allow you to become that much more real with yourself and ingrained in the world around you. It also will help you discern who is down for the ride in your life and who isn’t able to see your beauty.

All in all, the TL;DR version: Discern who are the people in your life that will help you allow your voice to be heard the way you want it to be heard, and remember that having a strong foundation and plan to achieve your dreams is the only way for progress to happen. You can’t sprint towards your goals; ease on into them like a dick in a butt.

I hope this spoke to you in some way.

Amen. Asé.

-gg

plucked.

standing, looking around you at how the space has not changed a bit…but you have. this is what it feels like to have internal growth and know that things do not resonate the same way that they previously might have. have you ever gone back to a place that you frequented as a child years into your future, and remember the good times, the bad times, and all of the experiences you may have shared there with friends or even alone? and then you recognize how different you are inside and how these things don’t resonate with you anymore? this is the act of shedding what does not serve you, and realizing what growths and gains you have made inside. this is one of the biggest acts of kindness and love you can give to yourself, especially when you are able to make peace with letting things go.

letting something go isn’t easy. letting something go isn’t going to be a simple act. it’s going to take a lot of work to let go of what doesn’t work for you. what doesn’t make you happy. what doesn’t fit in your reality anymore. these things that don’t fit into your reality allow your space and your aura to have room for more…more life, more happiness, more newness, more excitement, more fulfillment, just MORE. the more that you humbly ask for your soul to be filled with what it’s looking for, the more the Universe meets you. using your magick that you have been born with and being able to manifest the truth that you want takes work – it takes you realizing what has to be let go and making a conscious effort to do such.

yesterday was my first day back to work after being out on disability over a month for personal health issues. let me tell you – being gone for a month from somewhere gives you time to change personally, and also gives the space time to change. or not…and in this case, the space hasn’t changed a bit. while that is comforting to know what you’re getting yourself back into, it’s also a huge wake-up call in regards to what has to be done in order to make life more worth living regularly.

life changes. opportunities change. you change. and what you choose to do with that is important. when your Higher Power makes something crystal clear…gives you a sign that something needs to be fixed, or eradicated from your life…do you answer the call? or do you hide away?

yes, as humans we have to make decisions that benefit us in the long run, thinking about responsibilities. thinking about what we can control. but working towards what we can control that fulfills our soul is the contract our spirit signed when we entered this planet in our Earthly bodies. whether or not you choose to follow said contract signed and make use of it is half the battle..

are you willing to do the work when you outgrow the plant pot that you’re in? are you ready to be transferred to a bigger pot? maybe a nicer one with more decoration? maybe even a smaller one that can help your leaves be even more pronounced? that’s a choice and a decision that you have to make yourself, and also allow yourself to be placed in certain pots. that comes with feeding yourself the right way and showing that you are ready to be plucked for the picking.

oh Lord. oh Universe. oh Ancestors. oh Eleggua. master of all roads. i’m ready to be plucked.

join me?

amen. asé.

-gg

Tell Me.

Everything is connected when you think about it. Intuition and guidance from our higher selves helps us to stay grounded when it comes to us making decisions that we aren’t sure are the best things for us. Have you ever just listened to your body and what it is telling you in any moment?

Well, welcome to Scorpio season. I know that because it’s my birthday season, I’m starting to feel those answers slowly but surely coming to me and life has been leading me up until this point. We have been constantly ever evolving if we are willing to do so, but that takes a lot of reflection upon oneself in order to make that happen. What I have realized is that people that are not functioning at their highest selves and are on a lower plane are the ones that have a hard time opening themselves up to something different. You have to trust your own balance beam and know that things come to you, situations come to your forefront, and everything is divine in its own right. Do you remember that conversation with your boss that made you think about something that you know wasn’t really rocking with your inner vision, and made you think about something else you wanted in your life? Do you remember the time that your partner said something to you that turned you off, and you were a little apprehensive to approach it, knowing it was a trigger? All these things are part of our shadow selves, trying to rise to the surface and allow you to make the movements, choices, and decisions that are going to help you be successful.

You are a beautiful being that is allowed to make beautiful decisions and position yourself in a space of growth, but you have to be willing to do so. That takes work. Being comfortable and letting yourself not be pushed is the first push towards your grave. You are not trying to become better, and you’re just ignoring what Spirit is trying to lead you towards.

I can be a great example of what it means to just not allow myself to listen to the signs, even when they’re apparent, and how it’s caused me to be depressed or a bit harder on myself than necessary. Let the Spirit tell you how you want to love, how you want to live, how you want to progress. You have to trust that we were all born with an intuition that is strong, but those that are willing to strengthen the muscle are the ones that actually benefit from listening to self – those are the ones that actually make the growth towards the space that they are trying to be.

Let go.

Let yourself be.

Don’t overthink everything.

It doesn’t serve your highest good to overanalyze everything.

See it all from a different angle, and let your angels and your Ancestors guide the path. Salvation is coming.

Amen. Asé.

-gg

Commitment.

“Choose an ambition and, with full force, expect that it is possible and that you can make it happen. Give it constant attention and committed effort to your dreams, and your motivation will perpetuate itself. Demonstrate a positive attitude as you strive for great things and take care to create a supportive environment around you that amplifies your motivation.”

This quote comes from a book I’ve referenced before named “The Motivation Manifesto” and this excerpt really hit me last night as I was traveling home from visiting with some friends that I met during me playing my game of Survivor.

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Look y’all, I have friends! What is crazy is this is just a fraction of the people that I met literally less than two weeks ago, and we were able to come together and laugh, reconnect, and just recount the experiences we went through. Everyone has their own different path, and everyone has their own different experiences that has led them to where they are. This is how we all were able to come together. It’s funny because even though we all were playing against one another, we were able to put all that aside and come together as friends…as a family. We all have different motivations in life and we all have different passions that push us to do what we do daily. We also have things that we may or may not enjoy about our current situations, but it doesn’t stop us from striving for the best.

Sometimes, we feel like we have come towards these dead ends in life and we don’t know which way is up. This (school) year, I have been trying to emulate the power of positivity. I don’t wake up on the right side of the bed every morning. I don’t wake up wanting to be where I am all the time. However, there is a quote that many teachers and others have heard from various professions which goes a little something like this:

“You are the weather maker of your classroom.”

I use this in the sense of being an educator, and how you show up daily is what you are going to gain or lose when you are in situations that may or may not be extremely pleasing to you. But in this battle, how do you stay motivated? 

We know that deep down, there’s always a pull towards something new or something more aligned to our soul purpose that we may not have the answer to. It’s not like you can rub a genie’s bottle and it’ll magically appear in front of you – it takes time. Going back to the quote I stated earlier, I think a lot about how you know when it’s time to take the jump into something new. It could be a trigger that someone pushes that lets you know that you’re not in the right place. It could be a conversation that helps you to realize and recognize your own true power. These conversations and situations don’t happen unless you have the right people in your corner, pumping you up. The beautiful thing about this though, is that you don’t have to always get these affirmations from those that are close to you. The Universe puts people in your path everyday that can help you realize something new about yourself, or help you realize a boundary that you don’t want to be crossed. Every interaction is a learning lesson towards the life that you want to build for yourself, which helps you to create your truth. All situations and interactions are divine, and you have to trust that your intuition, angels, and Higher Power puts you in places at certain times to either feel rejuvenated, give you time to reflect, or question where you are in regards to making something more out of your reality.

This is something that I have been battling with – searching deeply for what makes me feel at home. In a job. With people. With my actions. Any and everything that can make me feel as though I have found my ‘happy place’. It’s hard to be an individual in this world, searching for what makes you feel like you’ve found a home. If you think about the feeling that you feel when you finally make it home after a long day of work, or after a long trip, it’s a calming, loving, peaceful feeling that consumes you because you are happy to be back in the space of your own powerful energy. Why can’t you experience that in all spaces that you encounter? My personal opinion is that when you are able to find that space of just feeling at peace and nestled into happiness and joy with everything around you, you’re functioning at your highest capacity and your ambition towards receiving that is doing what makes your soul feel aflame. If you still feel some sort of resistance to different aspects of your life, that means that you’re still searching for that place that ‘home’ is for you. If that isn’t where you’re feeling right now, keep searching!!!! The power in continuing to look for that level of not just comfortability, but PURPOSE is what is you should always try and encourage your life to feel like. If you feel like you’re forcing it, that’s not home. If you feel emotionally disconnected, that’s not home. If you feel like your anxiety is peaking and you’re not feeling calm in your own skin where you are, that’s not home. Continue to search for what motivates you to make sure that you’re gaining that feeling of patience, passion, and positivity.

Your dreams can only be manifested if you’re continually keeping them at the forefront of your mind. They won’t come to you immediately, but they will come if you continue to send energy towards them. You have to keep sight of the goal at hand, and what will help you to get there. Yes, it may take you making time outside of your normal obligations. Yes, it may make you uncomfortable and put yourself out there in spaces that aren’t your normal realm of peace and familiarity. But the things that are worth it in life are never the easiest things to attain. 

Stay focused and committed towards what keeps you being ambitious. Focus on what pushes you to feel your oats, and keep you grounded in mind, body, soul, and spirit. Also, ensure that your positive attitude and desires are supported by those that are in your circle, or as I like to call it, a part of your ‘tribe’. Your tribe will always be there to give you a reality check, but they’ll always be the hype men or women in your corner that will push you to attain what you know you truly desire. They see your power. They see your greatness. You should continue to strive for that greatness, and put yourself in environments that will continue to make you push towards that end goal you’re searching for.

I’m a firm believer that maintaining a positive attitude as you navigate this world towards your dreams is the only way to garner what you feel you want and deserve. You just have to learn how to reset yourself and keep your head in the game, and allow your Higher Power and the Universe to do its work. When you let go of trying to control everything and let time and the energy of the world do its thing, you always will come out on top. I’m a firm believer in this mantra, and I’m allowing it all to just work out because I put my efforts into believing that it will. You should too. Fight for your right, and never give up on your truth. It’s the only thing you have that will keep you sane, and keep you moving towards the direction of your own personal freedom and soul mission.

Stay committed to yourself, first and foremost. It’ll pay off in the end. Just trust the process, and you’ll see the fruits of your labor come to pass. It won’t be roses and butterflies everyday, but you will find that space sooner than you believe. Just hang on tight, and you’ll get there. Trust me.

Amen. Asé.

-gg