intuition says ‘yes’

intuition is a son of a bitch, and i mean that in the most loving way either. when you learn to listen to that gut feeling, it really just serves you some shit up on a silver platter that you never expect. sometimes, the end goal is not what was necessarily planned…but that’s okay. you get the clarity that you need in some way. that intuition doesn’t kick in unless you trust yourself. do you? what do you truly think about yourself? If you don’t answer quickly with a loving response, let’s take a step back and figure out why?

what thought patterns are hindering you from being able to see yourself at your highest self right now? why are you so critical of things that others probably aren’t as critical of you of? rest assured, i can tell you…whatever you’re pressed as a panini about right now isn’t going to matter in the grand scheme of things. trust & believe. you are creating a mountain out of a molehill right now, and you need to tighten it up and remember that nothing is actually wrong with you, what you think, how you move, all of that. other people feel resistance to your freedom because they don’t know how to function in the same way that you do. and is it their job to do so? absolutely not. that resistance creates judgment and then judgment creates a lack of inertia when it comes to your dreams, desires and your moves. you tend to shell up and falter in ways that aren’t necessary for you to do because of another’s input.

set yourself free, beloved.

shucking and jiving in a way that’s authentic to you serves you and brings you joy in ways you would have never imagined. that clarity and peace that courses through you is unmatched. personally, since this journey with ramadan beginning there has been such a level of clarity and stuff that i have been grateful for. the prayers, the fasting (even though i’ve had to modify it because of my health and stuff), the thoughts and the vulnerability that comes with it. . . is unmatched. it’s made a lot of things concrete for me that i may have had questions or inklings about and has blessed me in a variety of ways that i couldn’t even begin to explain. for that alone, i am grateful beyond measure. the journey of self-exploration, faith and security is a tumultuous yet beneficial one and i implore you to try it out.

you have so many keys to so many doors. it’s time to catch your deliverance.

amen. asé.





expressions of gratitude come in a variety of forms. you know, your man may get you a good edible arrangement sent to your job. maybe in order to show that you’re thankful towards a boss, you’ll do something for them like get a gift card for them to a place you know they like or something. or whatever actions you may take with anyone that you care about, …you go out of your way sometimes to show that you care. well, this year the way i’m going to practice showing my gratitude is by observing Ramadan, which begins today.

why Ramadan? this is going to sound crazy, but watching the tv show Ramy on Hulu gave insight to the Muslim perspective in America (or at least one millennial’s version of it as he searches for spirituality) and the show is just good in general as a watch. however, the search for deeper meaning of spirituality and himself gave me a tinge of a point for personal reflection. one episode was completely dedicated to Ramadan and growing up, i have had a number of Muslim friends who have observed Ramadan. this year however, i have SO MUCH to be grateful for. and simply just being alive is enough to be grateful for.

now, i did try Lent out this year but that was a flop. the reason why is because when i began, i wasn’t as dedicated to it. i felt like it was something i was going to ‘try’ to do – my level of investment wasn’t there. and when i broke it the first time unknowingly after day 6, i just gave up altogether. this on the other hand…this for me feels like a time to truly give back to myself, my Higher Self, my Ancestors, God, Obatalá, my egún, my Ori and my angels. now, I’m not Muslim…but why can’t i practice fasting, giving reverence where it is due, and sacrificing a bit of something so small in life in order for me to spiritually grow?

i have never seen the point of being limited to a box for anything. i don’t think it makes any fucking sense to box any sort of practices and religions in unless you are to undergo an initiation to become some sort of practitioner in a religious sect/background. otherwise, find your fuvking peace, bro. you’re the author of what that looks like for you and i have decided to take the reins on that this year.

for your own sake and i mean, this could help someone else too. why am i going to be diving into this? aside from me wanting to try this out for my own personal desire and strength of spirit, i want to start weaning out some bad habits that i have. i also want to see what i can create and give my time to when i’m not filling it with other things i may be doing that waste it. i want to see what routines i can enhance or make better for myself. i also am personally excited to be able to devote guaranteed time to meditate, pray, and go within for clarity. this will even be observed during the work day, and having that level of peace is something that i believe is going to bring me such enlightenment. i don’t mind the fasting – the ‘no drinking water’ thing is gonna be hard because i talk all day but i’ll manage.

regardless of how this goes, there is a lesson i will gain through all of this i am excited to lean into. when you expand your viewpoint and attempt to try new things out, new blessings come from new lessons. give it a try, and meet me in the street. we ain’t on the playground no more.

be blessed. ramadan mubarak.

amen. asé.


a ticket to the gun show.

how does it feel when you have regained authority over your life? 

you know what i’m talking about. when you had to experience dealing with a situation that you knew was bringing you so much stress and strife, and you had the strength to let it go.

when you allowed someone to speak to you or bother you with their nonsense, and you finally were able to speak up and explain how you didn’t want that energy to enter your aura field.

when you finally took ownership of something that had been holding you hostage for so long, and were able to see the light and remember that you got it all in control.

isn’t that feeling invigorating? isn’t that feeling life-changing? does it remind you who you are and what power you possess when you authentically act from a place of truth?

we struggle so much with taking authority for things in our lives or in certain spaces because we at times, we worry how the results may end up. we worry that someone may take offense to our belief, or that our point of view won’t be valued. if i have learned anything recently, i’ve learned that owning your authority is one of the most powerful gifts that you possess – it’s more or less whether or not you choose to own it.

we were given the power to decide what is right for us at all times. a job. a relationship. what we want to eat for dinner. is that the wig i want to throw on today? girl, these pants is tight…do we really want to throw those on? all of these decisions allow us to exert our authority if we think about it.

as authority is described as ‘the right to give orders, make decisions, and enforce obedience’, i ask you to think about the last time that you were able to assert your authority for your own highest good. remember that your assertion of authority is not always going to gel with what someone else has in store for you. our lived experiences and our daily narratives do not always intertwine with others around us. how we may need to be filled that day, metaphorically speaking, may not be how your neighbor needs to be filled. what you may need out of a situation is not what your neighbor may need. but that shouldn’t push you to shy away from demanding what is yours.

spiritually, we have the authority to give thanks to whatever being and source we see fit. you have been given the graciousness to wake up again and choose how you want to be. you get to decide how you want to appear daily. sometimes, you get to decide your tasks for the day. you get the opportunity to be thankful for what may not have been there before. hell, you may be able to even give thanks for your authority.

finding your voice and owning it isn’t an easy feat. it truly isn’t. a lot of times, we allow the negative self-talk or the traumatic experiences we may have endured while speaking our truth to derail us. there are many people out there who attempt to dead what we believe in when it comes to owning our own personal strength. well, let me sit here to remind you that what’s yours is yours. what is made for you is made for you. putting your foot down for your own cause is one of the most powerful things you can do in your human body. it also delights your ancestors and your spiritual guides when you stand firm in what’s important to you.

the biggest thief of authority is fear. we get scared as to how it will be received. will our thought pattern be knocked down? will ownership of our truth cause friction with others?

well…do the ends justify the means is the question i want to pose to you. would you rather be happy, free, and honest by saying what the hell you have to say and doing what the hell you need to do, or continue to feel trapped because of a projection of someone else’s belief? that’s a choice you have to decide on your own.

take some time to own your authority today in some way. define what that is for you, and where you lack authority in your own life. i know personally, i’m working on gaining the authority over my daily choice of living and what i do with my time career-wise. i’m in the process of regaining authority over my daily life and daily choices. that isn’t a one-time fix – issa process my G.

so keep in mind that this isn’t all going to be automatically fixed overnight. sometimes it might, but most times, it’s like building a muscle and strengthening it so that way it’s seen when you walk around. no one will question a bodybuilder if they can lift something that looks heavy. it’s just seen because it’s obvious based on the way they carry themselves. carry yourself with the strength of authority today, claiming what is truly meant to be for you. i know you’ll feel even more empowered as a person when you do such.

i send so much love & light to you on today, and encourage you to flex that muscle for someone that didn’t even know you had it. shake a bitch today.

amen. asé.


identity crisis

freeform. spilling what exists from the brain. what expels. why do we fear letting go of what we have inside of us? why do we fear being able to speak to others about our truth?

i can get the idea of being worried what other people think. but do those niggas really  matter in the grand scheme of things? most of us were born into this world alone, and the majority of us will die alone. why do we get so wrapped up in things and ideologies that will not serve us in any way, shape or form? i think a lot of the time, we have been conditioned by our forefathers and those that came before us to believe that there is no reason for us to do what we want because of the judgment of others. we have been accustomed to believing that what we do will be misunderstood, doesn’t serve the greater good, etc. and that’s the bullshit that we need to move away from as a human race. we deserve better for our spirits and our mindsets, and i’ll be the first to tell you. there is so much we have to offer but it’s silenced because we allow others to dictate what we should be doing.

i spent a whole lifetime being concerned about what other people had to say and lemme tell you, trying to disassociate that side of yourself that isn’t you to the side that actually wants to be you is sort of an identity crisis. it’s super necessary that you take the time back to accept who you are, where you are, what your dreams are, and don’t let anyone stop you from actually achieving them. there’s a fire in your belly, a greatness inside you that is unique to you.

we all were put on this earth with purpose. remind yourself that you are a chosen one. you were chosen to be here for a reason. and you were chosen to change your environment for a reason. we are so good at sleeping on our god given talents that we allow plebeians to derail our growth. i’ll be the first to tell you “bitch, not today”.

you are truly destined for greatness. if your mother never told you that. if your friends never told you that. if your gay family never told you that……you are meant to soar. you are meant to do things this world has never seen before.

a true realization i have been having is that the world is ever changing. and the thing about it is that with the world changing, those that are a part of the upper echelon don’t necessarily CHANGE, but they are added to. why can’t you be a part of that? just recalibrate what you believe to be real, what you know your strengths are, where you matter in this world, and go out there and fuck it up. it’s your time to make your presence known and stamp where you are. stop letting bitch shit affect you and don’t ascribe to that bitch made lifestyle. you got this.

this is an ode to myself honestly. so … get to it.



amen. asé.



Remember me, September.

Happy September, and the beginning of a brand new month. I believe that the first of the month is always a time to be stressed because of bills and shit, but it’s also a time to set intentions and look at what you can positively manifest for what you want to see come to the surface for the month. Today is a special day for me personally, as I’m celebrating an anniversary with a special someone and I look forward to what the day has in store for me.

September is that time of year where we all know school is back in session, Fall is right around the corner, and we are about to step into a new energy and a different cycle of time. It’s said that September is a time of completion, as it is the last month of the 3rd part of the year. I think of all the things that I have learned throughout the summer, and I ask you to reflect on how summer was for you. Did you have a great summer? Did you make new relationships or friendships? Was your summer completely insular? Did you start a new endeavor or have a new vision come to the forefront for you, and now you want to make sure that you follow through with it? Think of what September can bring in terms of completion, and finishing up what you feel is necessary for you to transcend to another level. I always feel like September for me is the time to stop, take a second to think about what has happened up until this point, and then anticipate what I want the end of my year to look like. October is my birth month, so this is always the perfect time for me to start to manifest and plan for what I want to transpire as the rest of the year comes to a close and I celebrate a new year of life. 2018 has flown by if you think about it, and think of how far you have come and how much you have grown as a person this year.

I’ll get a little personal – I began this year in a fog, I feel like. I was in a deep depression (I experience seasonal depression already, and battling anxiety and depression without being medicated properly at the time) and was looking for clarity. Even though I was on a good level of connection with the Universe, a Higher Power and something outside of my physical self, I still wasn’t able to clearly achieve what I wanted out of life. I have some not-so-fond memories of me not advocating for myself, being harassed at work verbally and physically, and literally sleeping my life away because I was just so sad that I wasn’t where I felt like I needed to be. As time passed on, I began to relapse back into old habits that didn’t serve me at all. For those that don’t know me well, at the very beginning of the year, I was about a year and 5 months into sobriety from alcohol. As stress started to pile onto me, I began to go back to my old ways, thinking I had overcome the battle with alcohol that was plaguing me. This was not the case at all, as I was starting to see old parts of myself come back to the surface. I was in therapy at the time, and I remember feeling a lot of guilt and anguish around my return to alcohol. I still couldn’t find a way to put the bottle down, and thought that the situations I was enduring weren’t as bad as they were back before I became sober the first time. I found other outlets in order to curb my pain and anxiety, but they weren’t the healthiest outlets, so I went back to what I knew. I was still meditating, and doing what I felt was necessary to remain peaceful…but that wasn’t really serving its purpose. The bottle really hurt my spirit and my soul, and I began to feel lost. For those of you that know that alcohol is a depressant, drinking and being a person who deals with depression is NOT a good mix. I don’t recommend it to anyone because it only brings you more unhappiness and confusion in your life.

In therapy however, I began to find my voice. I began to find out that I was a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. I was able to come to the realization that my negative self talk was keeping me from being successful in my endeavors. I realized that I never thought I was good enough, or second guessed my abilities. I then began to realize that I was letting outside forces take over my beliefs, and came to the conclusion that I needed to look at myself first and build myself up more. I had all the tools right in front of me, but was blind to them. I began to learn that advocating for yourself isn’t a bad thing. Speaking up isn’t a bad thing. Owning your truth may seem uncomfortable for others, but it’s your own damn truth. I started to realize how much power I actually possessed, and how I was able to come even further than I had ever thought. I began to grow in therapy, and learned what I needed in order for me to feel at peace with myself.

I began the journey of self-love and truly appreciating who I am and not taking shit from anyone, no matter who they were: a boss, a friend, a lover, anyone. I learned what it was to make boundaries for myself, which I had never done in my life; I always thought it necessary to placate other people’s desires and that was the problem. I wasn’t putting myself first, and I have learned how to do that with a spirit of humbleness and strength these days. As the year has progressed and into the summertime, I was able to meet someone and learn from them some of the things that I never got to experience in companionship. I was able to build stronger relationships and be open with my friends and myself, regardless of judgment. I began to connect even more to my Higher Power, converse with my Ancestors without feeling judgment, and felt like my eyes finally opened. I began to own my space. I started this journey with writing again, which has been a passion of mine for years, but had waned over the past ~7 months. This blog was birthed not just for me, but to help others out there who may experience some of the same feelings I have and to reassure them that they aren’t alone. It was my way of doing service and giving back in my authentic, genuine way. That has made me so much stronger. I also started my sobriety journey again, and truly feel even stronger this time around. Now, I’m at a place where things aren’t still ‘perfect’ but it’s not life if everything is perfect. I’m happy, and always am growing towards a stronger place.

I urge you to take some time to reflect on what has made your year either amazing, tumultuous, depressing, happy, transformative…whatever adjective you would like to choose. I also want you to then think about and manifest what you would enjoy the rest of your year to be like, and how you can take action to make this happen. Just praying about it or meditating on it isn’t enough. Without proper action, you cannot gain what is necessary for you to feel at peace and see the hard work you put out there come to pass. You have to choose wisely in regards to what is beneficial for you, and what’s beneficial for others. You came into this world alone, and you will leave this world alone sadly – all the in-between is your opportunity to make decisions for yourself and live life to it’s highest capacity and for your greatest good. The journey is never over, and you are learning every day. It’s not always going to be a happy day. It’s not always going to be a sad day. But as long as you have breath in your body, you have choice. I choose to make sure that I do things that bring me joy, that keep me grounded, and that make me feel like I’m doing what is necessary for me to progress the way I want. I am nowhere near perfection, but who really is? Anyone that seems like they have the perfect life is bullshitting you, and social media and people’s walls will make you believe that everything is okay. The more that you are open with the changes you want, and have a tribe of people that support your endeavors, the more you are able to manifest and live the life of joy that you want.

These are two of the cards I pulled today. One is from my tarot deck, and the other is from my oracle deck. The tarot card is Xapaná/Babaluallé/Omolú and it’s a figure of a man fully covered by a kind of straw. The straw is around him to show that he has no shape. He’s related to matters of health to help make the correct treatment for what’s necessary for your betterment. He is popular and known as the saint that cures plagues and smallpox. When I think of plagues, this can be an emotional plague or an actual physical plague. He is the one that is said to be the healer of certain diseases. Because he is someone who is able to concentrate so deeply, it is said that his analysis is critical and his comments are sharp – basically, he is a straight shooter.

Think of what you need to do in order to be a straight shooter today in all endeavors. Sometimes, we cover ourselves up and have this shroud of mystery because we think we are saving ourselves from something or saving others from something. If you think about it, all you do when you shade yourself from others is legitimately hurt yourself from getting to the place you want to be. Be forthcoming in what you want in your life, and especially with the energy in the Universe we are experiencing, you can most definitely ensure that it’s time to boss the fuck up and do what is necessary for you to feel at peace.

It is said that the meaning of this card is a high fraternal and spiritual sense. You have a spirit of service and strong imagination and organizing mind. You are sensitive to the pain of others, physically and spiritually. You’re always willing to cooperate as much as possible, and this quality is more noticeable as time passes. You have the ability to recover and improve yourself from a certain state. Even though the card is inverted, since this card is the only one I pulled, I believe there are no bad vibes that come from this unless you choose not to take heed to these words I’ve shared. You can recover from whatever blunder you may feel you’re in the middle of, but as you see, it’s not done alone. It’s done through having a spirit of service and having a spirit of openness. Ensure that you are being honest with yourself and others, and doing what is necessary for you to progress. Honor how far you have come today, and celebrate the lessons you have learned with others. This is the only way to gain true salvation and understanding and be a true vision of service and manifestation towards goodness.

The oracle card Choose Wisely comes when you have a vision or goal you want to achieve, but you have scattered energies and unrealistic expectations that prevent you from getting what you desire. There are many opportunities out there, but you have to make a decision on what is going to be best for you. It reminds you that options that all around you and may appear to have all the influence and power, but you are the person that is in control and responsible for all the choices you make. This segues into you making the proper decisions that are going to help benefit you as time goes on in life. Make sure that you are taking the time today and for the rest of the month to think, analyze carefully, look at all possibilities in front of you, and take action. This card is outlined in green because it’s a card that deals with your emotions, and you want to ensure you are going into any situation with the clearest set of feelings probable in order to make the decision that’s going to benefit you for the better. Don’t be hasty just because you feel like you HAVE to do something – we are all given free will to do whatever is necessary for our greatest good. Don’t be influenced by others that don’t know what is best for you – this is a good time to heighten your intuition and be in tune with yourself and your own personal desires. Be focused. Be wise. Don’t make decisions out of desperation. Just be true to yourself and what is going to help you be at your best self – not things made out of extreme emotions.

This month, I want you to focus on how you can be of service to self first, but also service to others. Take into account what you can be responsible for and what you can control. Think about all options that are out there, and how you can use all these options to your benefit in the way that Spirit wants you to. Follow your gut/intuition, and make decisions that are going to help you live this month of September at your happiest, most sincere level. Meditate or pray on what is going to bring you true and utter peace. Remember that you are the only one that has to live with you at the end of the day, and as Tatianna from RuPaul’s Drag Race says…CHOICES. You have the choice to do what’s best for you.

A little mantra for you to go forth on today and think about as this month goes on:

“Mother Earth, I am your child. Thank you for being here. It feels so good to be here on this planet. Today, I vow to do my very best to help you along in your evolution. I know that as you grow and evolve, I will too. Thank you for all of your blessings to this point in my life. I feel very blessed.”

Repeat this a couple of times, and go forth and prosper today and for the rest of this month of September. Remember, you got the juice, as my baba says to me. It just takes you recognizing that you do and you are going to allow whatever is necessary for you to feel whole to come to pass. I believe in you. And I love you.

Amen. Asé.